Today has not been a normal Monday for me. My usual abundance of beginning-of-the-week energy and enthusiasm did not materialize this week, so I dragged my way through the day, sitting and lying down whenever I could, even taking two(!) naps--an hour or so this morning while Tobin napped and Josiah and David watched a movie, and an afternoon nap during the boys' quiet time (and nap for Tobin). Despite all the sleep, I still feel tired!
The other thing I had today was cramping/discomfort/even an easily recognizable contraction or two--NOT the kind of contraction that leads to labor, but good ol' Braxton Hicks. I even woke up from my afternoon nap with a contraction. All of this is no big deal, except for the fact that, for the first time, I'm nervous about our trip to California next week. I've had thoughts today about what would happen if my water broke there, and I had to be hospitalized to stop preterm labor, and I had to stay there until the baby was born, and Jeff would have to come back here with the boys, and I would be alone (at least I'd have his family) out there, and the baby might be born early and have to stay in the hospital for a while, and I wouldn't be able to travel back home until he/she was older and stronger, etc. Completely rational thoughts, right?! :)
Actually, the thing I'm most nervous about, when I consider the upcoming trip, is how in the world we'll keep Tobin happy and quiet on the plane. Today was not his best day; and when he's antsy and discontented and hard to please, I magnify that by 10 and imagine it happening in a crowded airplane. Yikes!
Tonight when I was praying with Josiah and David before they went to sleep, I asked God to forgive me for my sins. Afterwards, Josiah asked, "What sins?" Apparently, he doesn't think I sin very much!!! Obviously, I need to be more real with him and let him know some of my struggles and how God helps me so he can be encouraged in his own faith journey...but anyway, tonight it was easy to think of how my anxiety has illustrated a lack of trust in God, and I shared that with him.
On to happier things...
Here is my picture from yesterday - 29 weeks, 1 day pregnant. Interestingly, I wore this exact same outfit in my week 29 picture with Tobin's pregnancy, too! I didn't plan it that way, but earlier in the week I had decided that I would wear these clothes for Sunday...and only later did I glance back in this blog and realize that it was the same outfit! Yesterday afternoon when Jeff was asking me where I wanted to be for this picture, I thought it only fitting that it be in the same place as that other picture. :)
I'm getting to the point of feeling big--really BIG. I caught myself thinking recently about how much better I liked my winter maternity clothes than my summer ones this time around, but then I realized that what I really liked better was my 5- or 6-month pregnant body than this almost 7-month one! The relief of an obviously pregnant body so people don't have to worry about sticking their foot in their mouth by asking when I'm due has given way to the heaviness of a body that just feels huge...and will only get larger. I'm not overly sensitive about my figure, and I realize that it is such a good thing for it to get bigger because that means the baby is thriving. I also realize that I can't blame my summer maternity clothes for my size! :)All through April, I felt like the birth was something fairly far away in the future. Now that it's May, however, I realize that there are only 2 more months (and some days, probably) until the birth; and that suddenly makes it a whole lot more real to me!
Speaking of real (and unreal)... Yesterday morning, I had this dream--a very vivid dream. I was going to have the baby so I went to a hospital, but was largely ignored there. I was by myself, but then decided to go to Margie's house which is a number of states away from here so that makes no sense (and I don't even know her in real life, only through blogging, so I can't imagine what she would think if I showed up on her doorstep in the middle of labor!); but in the dream, it seemed like a good idea to go there. While I was there, she got me a towel and maybe some other supplies, but then she was called away. The time came for the baby to be born, and I simply reached down and pulled her out. Yes, her. In the dream, I didn't know the gender until she was born; but first thing after I delivered her, I quickly checked and realized it was a girl! I was so happy, not so much because she was a girl, but because labor was so quick and easy; in fact, I remember thinking, "Wow, that was my easiest labor yet!!" :) But I was delighted with the baby and noticed that she had a lot of dark hair. She was the sweetest thing!
When I told the women in the nursery at church yesterday about the dream, one of them remarked that she had heard that you usually dream about the opposite gender of what you're really having, so maybe I'll get my fourth son after all! :)
