The Hidden Is Revealed!

Today, on this most glorious day, the child being woven in my womb was born; and we came face to face with a new manifestation of God’s glory.

We are nearly speechless with joy so, without further ado, we are delighted to announce that it’s a boy!!!!

Name: Shav Daniel Fisher (the "a" in Shav is pronounced as "ah," as in "Ah! Shav is the name!")

Date of birth: July 20th, 2009

Time of birth: 9:14am

Weight: 8lbs, 15oz

Length: 21.75 inches

Our hearts overflow with gratitude as we receive this long-anticipated blessing from the Lord!

Goin' to the Hospital, and We're...

...gonna have a baby!!!

Goin' to the hospital today!!!!!

Thanks to the Dixie Cups for the inspiration. :)

My water broke at 5:55 AM. I am beyond excited, a little nervous, and praying like crazy that all will go smoothly as we bring our precious child into this wonderful world.

We'll post as soon as we can. Fortunately, our hospital now has wireless internet access so we'll be able to make our big announcement from there! :)

The Two Hardest Things...

...about this 2-days-past-my-due-date predicament that I'm in are these:

Physically, the right side of my back begins to ache mightily in the night; and every time I have to get up to go to the bathroom or check on the boys, I'm almost afraid to take a step on my right foot because I feel like I might fall over from the pain when my weight is on that side. It eases itself out eventually; but when David is coughing continually and needs some medicine (like last night) or when Josiah has a bad dream and calls out for me (like the night before) or when my bladder is about to overflow, I don't have a few minutes to stand around and wait for the pain to lessen. I keep forgetting to ask Dad if I can borrow a cane; I really think that would help! :)

Mentally, my anxiety over the health of my baby has skyrocketed in the past few days. Something about being overdue makes me think of a deteriorating placenta, lack of sufficient amniotic fluid, troubles with the cord (now and particularly during delivery), etc...basically everything that could go wrong. The fact that Baby's cramped quarters are leading to less vigorous movements doesn't do anything to reassure me. When I lie in bed and the baby is quiet and still instead of doing the acrobatics to which I've grown accustomed, my mind begins to travel the evil path of worry. Recently, after I had told Jeff about this, he got out the old-fashioned fetal stethoscope that my dad had passed along to us a long time ago, put the head part on his head and the ear parts in his ears, looked like a coal miner about to go underground in his strange get-up, and listened to the heartbeat--too bad no one took a picture! He tried to let me listen to it, but I didn't hear anything at all and quickly took it off because the stethoscope is so tight it hurts my ears! But I was glad Jeff got to hear the heartbeat. :) I know my worry is unfounded, but The Truth in Pregnancy Documentation on One's Blog that I faithfully adhere to demands that I own up to this. :)

Well, those are the negatives; here are some positives...

~ continuing to have time for relaxing activities, like listening to barbershop quartets at the free concert in Oakdale Park tonight (technically, last night, since it's after midnight now and a new day has begun) while I ate an M&M Blizzard from Dairy Queen and Jeff watched the boys on the playground

~ people--both friends and strangers--being so friendly and outspoken in their support of me during this time

~ nights that are interrupted by quick trips to the bathroom, rather than lengthy feedings/diaper changes/and PLEASE-go-back-to-sleep episodes

~ feeling the baby's hiccups inside me

~ watching my stomach ripple as an arm or leg moves

~ eliminating any worry about preemie-related illnesses!

~ still doing assorted little projects in my free time, like trying to update my Christmas card address list so that when December rolls around, I'll actually be ready to whip those out (and make it to the end of my list, which seems like a near impossibility!)

~ giving Tobin a chance to walk before the baby is born, although I'm extremely doubtful that will happen :)...he is, however, doing a much better job of cruising; and it's exciting to see progress even in the last few days...one of these days, he won't be so dependent on me for basic locomotion!

~ fulfilling Kate Sacra's wish that she would return from her mission trip to Israel in time for the birth :)

~ giving my mother a chance to get rested before the ordeal of labor (or rather, the ordeal of supporting me in labor!)

~ helping me identify more closely with the large segment of the female population who has also been in the overdue-and-wish-I-wasn't situation...I can relate with more compassion as my experience with this grows

~ reminding me that I'm clearly not in control of when the baby is born! :)

~ teaching me to trust God more fully with all the details of life!

~ and, of course, keeping a bunch of people on the edge of our seats for a few extra days :)

That's a lot more positives than negatives. It was good for me to make that list!

Here's a blog-housekeeping item: I already took down the boy/girl poll because that had closed and I recorded the final tally in a previous post. I'm also going ahead and eliminating the pregnancy ticker from Pregnology. I really liked that ticker, especially the pictures of fetal development that it included; but for some reason, it doesn't know what to do with this overdue status and is now saying that I'm 40 weeks and 9 days! Oh, dear, I hope I don't get that far. :) So thanks, Pregnology, and goodbye!

One more thing for tonight, just to keep things interesting. :) I was reading some verses tonight that have special significance because they are related in some way to the boy's name we have chosen.

Then Jacob made this vow: "If God will indeed be with me and protect me on this journey, and if he will provide me with food and clothing, and if I return safely to my father's home, then the Lord will certainly be my God. And this memorial pillar I have set up will become a place for worshipping God, and I will present to God a tenth of everything he gives me."

Genesis 28:20-22

If this child is a boy (like Jenny Sacra and I are so convinced it is!), I'll explain the connection with this passage at that time. Until then, happy pondering! :) (Maybe I'll include a different verse each day that relates to the name. Hmmm, that might be fun. Since my only blog readers who know the name are Jeff and my parents, I think the secret is safe since they're fully trustworthy. No comments giving away this secret, OK, Dad???) :)

Still Here

Same old story. The waiting game continues, and the pace of life for me has slowed as I take each day at a time, not knowing what the next day or even the next hours hold.

This week, in my planner, this quote was at the top of the page:

Leisure is being allowed to do nothing. - G.K. Chesterton

I've allowed myself more freedom to experience that during the past week or two than I had in a very long time; and ya know, I like it! :)

Today my "doing nothing" involved regular household chores and care of the boys, plus a refreshing nap interrupted only by a fly buzzing around my face (which I woke up long enough to smash, and then went back to sleep), plus a trip to Auntie Anne's Pretzels and a stroll around the mall with Tobin after I dropped Josiah and David and my dad at the barbershop to go with Jeff to a Harrisonburg Turks game tonight, plus some time spent organizing and cleaning and getting rid of stuff in our library. In a little while, my "doing nothing" will involve an early bedtime, just as soon as I get two little boys, who are currently running around outside and laughing with the neighbor girls, tucked in bed.

Maybe God is delaying this baby's birth so that I can enjoy a few more days of leisure before the pace of life picks up considerably! Oh, but I would trade this leisure for the sight of my dear baby's face. Soon, I keep telling myself. It must be soon.

39 Weeks...

Labor didn't start, but the rain did, so our plan to go to Sherando Lake got cancelled. Instead, the boys and I passed the morning hours by running errands in town, including a stop at Dairy Queen to use the gift certificates for free Blizzards that Josiah and David earned through the library summer reading program and a fun visit to Jeff in the very busy barbershop.

(Baby just made some body part nearly protrude through my side--the right one, as always. That must have been a foot because, if Baby's position is the way I imagine and the way the midwives tell me, a hand couldn't have reached that far. Thanks for the kick, little buddy; that was a strong one. It's nice to know you're still having fun in there!) :)

So, time for pictures, which are slightly humiliating to me at this stage of pregnancy, but I'm keepin' it real...

~ at 39 weeks, 1 day, I tried to do this photography experiment with measuring my belly; but since no one else was available to actually take the picture, I found myself unable to take it and hold the measuring tape at the same time so that it could be read...anyway, I'll tell you what it said: 45 inches

~ Josiah took this one of me yesterday at 39 weeks, 5 days; that's why I look so tall in it...the thing I like about the picture is that it shows part of my bedroom which is one of my favorite rooms these days, a place of peace and sanctuary for me with its newly-painted walls and newly-organized contents...I don't have a thousand projects screaming "do me, do me!" when I walk into this space :)

Well, here I am, a mere 90 minutes or so from reaching my due date. To tell you the truth, I am beyond surprised that I made it this far. I didn't expect this AT ALL! So much for the "I always deliver early" spiel that I've been telling people (and myself) for months! It seems like this baby is determined to surprise us in every way, from conception to birth. :) I just can't believe I haven't had it yet. I'm in shock... :)

Fortunately, I actually feel pretty good physically, with nothing major to complain about and no new issues that make it truly important that this baby be born soon. My blood pressure continues to be very good...baby's heartbeat is strong and steady...I have no reason to believe that the amniotic fluid is getting low...I'm not having swelling in my legs and feet...things are going fine!

The mental game, however, is a horse of a different color. Did I mention my total surprise that I'm still pregnant?? :) I really had myself fooled, I guess; and now I'm finding that it takes a little while to adjust my expectations to this reality I didn't plan for! But why not still be pregnant? There's nothing wrong with that, right? What's the big deal? Why am I so impatient? Only because I REALLY WANT TO MEET THIS BABY!!! :)

I don't have any sense of impending labor, and so my mind goes to crazy thoughts like, "I'm really going to be pregnant forever. This is just how life will be for me--huge belly, 30 extra pounds, and all--for the rest of my life. This baby will never be born." Completely irrational, but I'm sure I'm not the only woman who's ever thought that in the last days of a pregnancy. :)

I keep reminding myself that with Tobin, when I was eating lunch on that warm-for-January beautiful Saturday, I had NO CLUE that he would be born around suppertime that day. I tell myself that this baby could be the same way. Any minute, things could change and in a matter of a relatively few hours, I could be holding this little one in my arms. I've been telling myself that for...oh, the past 17 days or so. :) I'm starting to not believe myself! :)

I feel like the legendary watched pot that never boils. I KNOW I'll boil one of these days, but when???

My dad has been very helpful in giving me suggestions to start labor. Here they are:

1. have Jeff take me for a very bumpy Jeep ride

2. go over and jump on the neighbor's trampoline

3. drink castor oil

4. wait for the next low pressure storm system to move through, and that will surely get my labor going! (except--wait--we just had one today, and it did nothing...so much for that theory!)

Actually, despite my unmet expectations for an early baby, I've had a good week. The hardest day was Wednesday, particularly when the midwife (Tammy, whom I hadn't seen since very early in the pregnancy so was glad to see again) checked me and cheerfully said that I was 2-3 centimeters dilated. That wasn't good news to me! She then asked, "What were you at your last appointment?" and I told her, "3 centimeters." She said, "Yeah, that's about where you are." So much for my hope to at least be at 4! Although, really, what does it matter? It's still not a strong indicator of when labor will begin; it's not like each week brought progressive dilation when I was pregnant with the other boys so why should this one? It was just one of those silly emotional triggers that made me tear up when I came home and told Jeff about it...and made him kind of scratch his head as he tried, once again, to figure out the logic of female hormones. :) He did what any wise husband would do: let me go to bed and sleep off my emotions in a nice, peaceful nap while he took the older boys to town. :)

Also during my appointment, Tammy and I were talking about how my labor with Tobin started with my water breaking, specifically how that is definitely not the norm (only about 8-10 percent of births begin that way). She mentioned how the bag of waters is really a tough membrane, and my dad concurred later that evening when I was talking with him. In the early years of his medical practice, he used to deliver babies; and he remembered how it was actually kind of difficult to pierce the bag of waters when he needed to do so. Jeff remembered the same thing from watching the doctor use a "crochet hook" to break my waters before Josiah's birth. I, of course, didn't have a clue. :)

Speaking of Jeff...and this stage of pregnancy...he makes me laugh by asking me a zillion times a day, "How are you? Are you feeling OK?" One day from work, he sent me an email with nothing in the body of the text, but only this written in the subject: How are you? :) When I call him at work, I try to reassure him immediately that I'm not in labor, only calling about something else entirely, so that I don't leave him in suspense. As much as it amuses me, I find it very comforting and reassuring that he's so solicitous of my welfare these days! Not too long ago, when I was teasing him about all his "are you OK?" questions (as if I would NOT tell him if I wasn't OK!), he asked me if he should keep up this frequent questioning, even after the baby is born. Sure, why not? It will give me an opportunity to vent as I deal with crazy postpartum hormones!! :)

Tonight as I was praying with Josiah and David before bedtime, I realized anew that God is making such a special story for this child. He/she won't share the same date as anyone else in our family, when it comes to birthdays (for example, if the birth had happened today, the baby and David would both have had birthdays on the 17th--different months, but same date). He/she won't have the same story as the other boys as far as "I was born one day early" or whatever. God continues to remind us of the perfectly unique plan He has for this little one, and that's very exciting!

One more thing to note tonight: the blog poll, which has been in the sidebar for quite a while, is set to close in a matter of hours. The result so far, which I assume will be the final one, is 21 votes for boy, 44 for girl. Who will be right???

Diversions

I'm not even going to say it. If you're looking for a baby report, go back and read the first paragraph of yesterday's post. Ditto for today.

So, to keep myself busy and take my mind off this baby (who is obviously way too comfortable in my womb and has decided to stay for a while!), these are some things that I did today:

~ completely organized everything in my bedroom...finished the job of unpacking regular non-maternity clothes...put my remaining maternity clothes (that I deemed possibly useful in the coming weeks) into two neat piles in my closet and packed the rest away...made sure all the storage boxes under the bed that hold wrapping paper were in order...checked to see if the flashlight I keep in my nightstand still worked (it did)...found 20 items that could be donated to Gift & Thrift and put them in the back of the van already...straightened the shoes on the floor of Jeff's closet...let David and Tobin play in that closet and mess up the shoes...straightened the shoes again after the boys were done playing

~ washed some laundry...dried some laundry...folded some laundry...put some laundry away

~ took the sheets off my bed...washed and dried them...remade the bed

~ read a magazine about the first year of baby's development, month by month...remembered why I despise such magazines because my boys NEVER meet those milestones "on time"

~ carefully planned the schedules of all three boys so that I could coordinate Tobin's nap with Josiah and David's quiet time so I could take a nap

~ was too wide awake and energetic to take a nap

~ let Josiah and David have homemade grape popsicles outside this afternoon, bare-chested so that the juice wouldn't drip onto their shirts and stain them...didn't even complain when they got the juice all over their shorts instead

~ looked through my picture archives to find some photos of the boys to get printed to hang in some new frames in a corner of my room

~ played "guess who this baby is?" with my boys as we looked through the archives...the answer to the identity of the picture below surprised them (who do you think it is?)

~ took pictures of random things, like bowls...yes, bowls...bowls that nest...aren't they pretty?

~ took pictures of David, then experimented with photo editing using Picasa...I have so much to learn, but it was fun

~ couldn't resist taking a picture of this curious boy who scooted over to me and wanted to press all the buttons on the camera--or maybe he just wanted to eat the camera

~ went to a church softball game and managed to see a few plays, in between having a pleasant chat with the coordinator of the homeschool co-op we were a part of last year...and making sure all my boys were safe and happy and didn't wander off or get snatched or fall off the rock wall or stick their fingers in the outdoor electrical outlets or eat gravel

~ had a yummy dinner at Traditions, eating one-handed so I could hold a cup with a straw in it for Tobin to entertain himself by putting the straw in and out of the lid a few hundred times and only occasionally drinking from it...yay for nights when I don't have to cook!

~ smiled as I remembered Jeff's retort the latest time somebody gave us the "it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl as long as it's healthy, right?" line...he calmly said, "We've pretty much decided, even if it has nine fingers and eleven toes, we'll take it anyway," and that got the point across quite well

~ noticed that some of the local Old Order Mennonites were having a social at one of the farms I passed on the way home...the sight of the buggies lined up together, the young trees encircling a pond on that farm, and the young folks playing softball in the field yonder was like something out of a dream or a storybook, beautiful and quaint beyond words...as I continued on my way, I passed several buggies still on their way to the social; and in one, a girl drove while a young man (probably her brother) leaned out the side to smoke a cigarette...so much for beautiful and quaint!

~ watched the lightning bugs appear as I walked down to my parents' shed to get another gallon of milk as darkness gathered

It's been a good day. :)

Tomorrow's diversions, provided I don't go into labor between now and then, include a trip to Sherando Lake with some friends...and maybe, an official 39 Weeks post.

I Have to Write SOMETHING...

...so Misty won't start roaming the hospital parking lot. :) (See her comment on this post for an explanation.)

I suppose it would suffice to simply say no baby, no labor. Good night!

However, before I really do call it a night, I have to make a note of the historic event that happened today: Josiah lost a tooth! It's his right bottom front tooth, his second to come out. We didn't even know it was loose until June 26, and now it's already out--a much shorter process than the month and a half of wiggling that preceded the loss of his first tooth. By the time we discovered this one was loose, it was VERY loose...and the adult tooth to replace it had already come in, behind the baby tooth. Yikes. I have a feeling that's not a good thing. Fortunately, Josiah had a dentist appointment already set up for July 15, so in two more days, we'll get to hear what Dr. Greene has to say about the situation. I'm hoping that with the baby tooth gone, the permanent one will shift into the proper position. Maybe that's an unrealistic hope? :)

Actually, the upcoming visit with Dr. Greene is what prompted Jeff to be a little more active about making sure this loose tooth came out. Josiah was not particularly interested in having anyone pull it, but somehow Jeff talked him into it...and the next thing I knew (I was upstairs folding laundry while the conversation between Jeff and Josiah happened), I heard Josiah crying. I went downstairs to the bathroom where Jeff and Josiah were both perched on the counter, one on each side of the sink. Jeff had used some oil of cloves to dab on the area around Josiah's tooth to numb it, and Josiah was crying because that stung. Jeff hadn't even touched the tooth yet. :) I actually think Josiah was crying mostly out of fear of the whole procedure; but once Jeff gave it a little time to numb and then grabbed the tooth with some tweezers, it didn't take long at all for Jeff to get the tooth out--a fairly simple procedure, so it appeared to me. Josiah said that part didn't even hurt. :) We don't do the Tooth Fairy, but Jeff did give Josiah a nice big half dollar coin which, of course, made it all worthwhile!

Once again, Josiah has a gap-toothed grin which I find adorable on him...and I got to tape another tooth into his baby book. :)

And now, while this little one inside me uses my uterus for a punching bag, I really will say good night. Maybe tomorrow will be the day, just like Jeff predicted!

Now the Baby Can Really Come!

I've mentioned before how much I'm enjoying the chance to mark some milestones and finish up some projects and get past certain dates before the baby is born. After each one, I think, "Now the baby can really come because this or that is done!"

Here are some of those things:

~ the first day of summer

~ the week of Vacation Bible School being over (since I was very involved with the music)

~ reaching 37 weeks and officially being full-term

~ the first day of July

~ getting my bag packed for the hospital

~ buying small gifts for the boys and getting them wrapped and packed so we can give those to them when they come to the hospital to visit (a Where's Waldo book for Josiah, another one for David--Where's Waldo is a huge interest of the older boys right now--and an animal sounds book for Tobin)

~ my last committee meeting before the birth

~ getting the laundry caught up

~ "finishing" the nursery

~ "finishing" it again later, when Jeff hung the mini blinds

~ really "finishing" it a third time when I put up the outlet covers and did a final cleaning

~ demolishing my pile by the telephone as I sorted through and dealt with each paper (a near miracle, in my mind!)

~ yesterday, the thing I had to do was clean out the refrigerator :)

At some point, after a day of particularly vigorous activity, I asked Jeff if he thought I was nesting; and he said, "Ever since I met you!" So true. :)

A few people have asked whether I'm having my big energy spurt before the birth. I keep having it...and then, no birth...so I have a lazier, less productive day...but then by the next day, I'm ready to get at it again and work hard on something else. Today has been a sluggish day for me, and I'm grateful that the big get-ready-for-baby accomplishment was done by someone else today, rather than me. But I'll get to that in a minute...

One of the biggies that I knew I wanted to have done before the birth was having a new family picture taken to replace the one hanging in my bedroom that shows Jeff and I with Josiah and David while I was heavily pregnant with Tobin. I still love that picture; but since it was out of date with no Tobin visible in it, it was time to update it. :)

My original plan was to have Lisa take a picture of us since she was planning to be in the area; but life got in the way, and it didn't work out. Thank goodness for a back-up! Misty graciously agreed to shoot some photos of us, so on the 4th of July, after we watched the parade, we headed to the beautiful arboretum for a quick photo shoot. I love how she captured the boys' personalities in these pictures! And I love having such talented friends!! :)

~ this is the picture that I'll enlarge and hang in our bedroom to replace the other one...it makes me smile to see it, especially Tobin's little hand and the silly expression on his face :)

~ we happened to see a mama duck in the pond with lots of ducklings around her...David was getting a little too enthusiastic and close to the water so I was trying to rescue him before he fell in :)

~ two of my sweethearts!

~ the standing pictures of Tobin were the best...standing unsupported is still a relatively new thing for him, and we cheer wildly when he does it :)

~ I love this picture...sometimes little boys still need their daddies to be close by!

~ doesn't he look so proud???

After this photo shoot, I really felt like, "OK, the baby can be born anytime now!" because, of course, you can clean your refrigerator after the baby is born, but you can't go back in time to capture a maternity picture. ;) Thank you, Misty, for being available to share your time and talents with us!!!

And so, we come to today, when the big accomplishment was done by someone else. Julie Sacra, hostess, seamstress, and friend extraordinaire, finished making some Roman shades for the windows in our bedroom; and she and her daughter Emily came by to hang them this morning. I LOVE them! I love how the colors go with our walls and trim, I love how the fabric design goes with our Jerusalem mirrors, I love how she got the lines in the fabric to actually hang straight :), I love how it's so easy to raise and lower them so that during the day, I can let the beautiful sunshine come in, and at night, we'll actually have privacy. :) I just love everything about them! Isn't it grand when an idea you have in your mind actually turns out every bit as good as you had imagined? Once again, I'm so grateful for talented friends! Thanks, Julie!!!

I was specifically hoping that these shades would be up by the time the baby is born so that at night, when I sit in my glider rocker and nurse the baby by the light of the little lamp beside me, the whole world won't be able to see in. :)

One more thing done... OK, Baby, you can really come out now!!! :)

38 Weeks...

Because I've been writing about this pregnancy in almost every post recently, there's not as much to say in this "official" weekly update. :)

The big news is that at my appointment this morning at SWHC, I saw Marty...and when she checked me, she announced that I'm 3 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. Yippee! 3 down, 7 more to go! :) Never mind the fact that the first 3 are the easiest by far, I'm still encouraged by this sign of progress. Of course, it doesn't give much of a clue about WHEN the baby will actually be born since women can hang out at 3 centimeters for days without anything else happening. My dad, however, predicts that I won't make it another week; and Jeff keeps looking at me and saying that he thinks I'll deliver "soon." With "soon" being such a non-specific word, I'm inclined to agree with him...but whether that means tomorrow will be the big day or Baby stays inside until my due date remains to be seen!

Everything else at the appointment was normal and fine--my weight was 176, blood pressure was 118 over 70 (I think), the baby's heart rate was 133, his/her head is down. I'm continually grateful for this largely uneventful pregnancy. And isn't "largely" an appropriate word to be using often these days? :)

Sometimes when I walk across the floor, I think, "Oh dear, I sound like an elephant!" So then I try to step more lightly which isn't an easy task. The other silly thing about walking these days is that when I take a step with my right foot, I hear an audible "clunk" or "thunk" or "thwack" or something in my head. It doesn't happen when I step with my left foot, just with the right. Quite a strange sensation!

As far as moving around, another movement that's increasingly difficult these days is the infamous rolling-over-in-bed routine or, even worse, getting-out-of-bed-to-go-to-the-bathroom-six-times-a-night ordeal. I've been very conscious to not give in to the urge to audibly groan when I heave myself over in bed or up out of bed; I keep my mouth shut and just do what I have to do to make it happen, no matter how long it takes and how ungraceful I look. This lack of moaning provides a small measure of comfort to me as I pretend that "this isn't so hard after all!" :)

My favorite food these days, besides fresh fruit which is always my favorite, is Peanut M&Ms. With a tall glass of cold milk and a handful of Peanut M&Ms, I am all set! I wonder how many food groups that officially covers?

When I talked to my sister last night, her first question was, "Are you on your way to the hospital???" With the full moon, she thought surely that would be the case. :) With Tobin's birth, she was two days off, predicting January 10 when in reality, he was born on the 12th, so if her pattern continues, the baby will be born tomorrow!

With this contest, we obviously don't have a winner yet, but we do have a loser. Tim and Michelle guessed July 7; and as much as I would have loved to make them the winner, it just didn't work out that way. :)

The pace of life for me is actually really laid-back at this point in time, and I'm enjoying the lazy days of summer and waiting. Each day before the birth gives me a little more time to get something or other done: make sure my toenails are painted (Jeff did the honors this time), update the playlist of music on my blog, begin to pack away maternity clothes and get out my regular clothes, run some errands and stock up on non-essentials (like packing tape for the packages we send through Ebay), charge the camera battery, charge it again a few days later, completely sort through and eliminate my infamous pile of paperwork by the telephone, stay caught up on laundry, etc. All the important stuff, right? :) Every day is a win-win situation--either I get to go to the hospital and HAVE A BABY or I get to stay home and putter around, accomplishing a few things in between caring for the boys (especially Tobin who continues to be clingier than normal, but that's a whole other blog post). Jeff asked me late last night if I was ready to have this baby; and remarkably, I could peacefully say "yes" without mentally going down the checklist of five more projects I was really hoping to have finished by the birth! It was a good feeling. :)

Most of all, I feel so much anticipation these days...

SO MUCH ANTICIPATION!!! :)

The Nursery

Life these days is knocking the wind out of my sails...or taking the starch out of me...or doing something to me that leaves me exhausted by the end of day.

I am grateful, however, that earlier today, when I still actually had energy, I was able to put the finishing touches on the nursery and clean it one more time before the baby is born. (It wasn't that dirty, but had just gotten a little messy from Jeff hanging the mini blinds and creating some dust in the process.) One of the things I did was install this giraffe switchplate...

...and outlet covers that match it. We had ordered them from Ebay, and they just came so it was fun to put them up and see how well the colors coordinate. I am pleased. :)

After I finished all my little projects, I went around the room and snapped more pictures of this so-special-to-my-heart space. This is the corner on the right as you enter the room from our bedroom...

...and a close-up of the wallpaper border.

We got this border before Josiah was born, and Jeff hung it in Josiah's room in California. When we were packing up to move to Israel, we needed to take down the border because of the rental agreement; and we were surprised and thrilled when it came down in great condition, prompting us to hang onto it in case we ever wanted to try to hang it again. We never got around to putting it up during the days of David's or Tobin's infancy; but with redoing the nursery this time, we decided it was worth a try to see if it would stick. Jeff did the actual work, of course; and amazingly, it did stick pretty well, only requiring some touch-ups with glue in a few places. I'd say we've gotten our money's worth out of this border. :)

This is a closer look at the wooden wind chimes that hang in that corner; I love the mellow sound of them; and it's a happy thought to think about this unborn baby growing big enough to make these chimes sound, just like our other children have done. They've all gone through a phase of wanting to be held close to the chimes so they can shake them while I'm singing a lullaby before putting them in bed.

These shelves hold a variety of "treasures," each with a story attached.

Here is one of the most treasured items on those shelves: a camel sand design inside a little glass bottle. Jeff bought this in Petra in the country of Jordan, one of the most impressive archaeological sites I've ever been to (and quite a romantic spot, too, especially when you're involved in a supposedly secret romance!). :) I really wanted to buy one of these, too; but for some reason, I didn't--probably because I was trying to save money, possibly because when I saw Jeff buy one, I thought he was going to give it TO ME. He didn't, and I had to end up marrying him to get it!! :) It was a good decision. :)

Another treasure: this camel that Jeff made in a ceramics class he took when we lived in San Diego. This is probably my favorite piece that he's ever made, as far as ceramics and pottery go. Camels do happen to be my favorite animal. :)

On another wall hangs this elephant shelf with a soft stuffed tiger and giraffe and a frame made by my friend Eva Rubio and given to us during a baby shower before Josiah's birth. Inside the frame is a picture of Jeff and I by the bay in San Diego when I was about 8 months pregnant with Josiah, taken impromptu after a wedding in Coronado at which Jeff officiated.

What better place for this Willow Tree figurine than here in the nursery? :)

This elephant lamp is something that Jeff bought for us before Josiah's birth. Every baby's room needs a small lamp to give soft light in the middle of the night, and this one is perfect for us.

By the closet hang these two pictures: one is a zebra, the other a tiger. Our friends Victor and Tanya Aguilar gave these to us in San Diego, and these pictures (like so many of these decorations) hung in Josiah's room when he was an infant.

This next picture doesn't fit the theme of the room, but it sure fits the theme of our life!!! Jesus interacting with the children, listening to them, blessing them, loving them--what could be more important to teach our new baby than how much Jesus loves him/her?!

One last item in the nursery that I should mention. Although not a permanent addition to the nursery and not decorative in the least, this one is important.

It's my going-to-the-hospital bag, packed and ready to grab whenever The New Baby announces that he/she is ready to come out and see the world!!! Despite my sister's prediction that today would be the day (because of the full moon tonight), Baby doesn't seem eager in the least. And so I wait, sometimes impatiently, but usually with a fair degree of contentment, knowing that these last days of this pregnancy are something to be treasured, both for the ability I still have to get various projects done and continue to live as a mother of three, but also for the one-of-a-kind closeness that I still share with this baby. There is nothing like it.

Prodromal, Not False

I learned something new the other day.

I was reading a bit on Mary's blog (since another blog that I read regularly mentioned that Mary just had her 4th child so, of course, I had to check it out!), and I came upon this post that talks about prodromal labor. I had never heard of prodromal labor so I found it fascinating to read and learn about it from Mary's experience.

This afternoon, when I was experiencing a higher-than-usual number of contractions, I thought maybe THIS WOULD BE THE DAY...but when things settled down without further ado, I thought, "Ah, I know what's going on; it's just prodromal labor." And tonight during a meeting I attended, I thought to myself during each contraction, "Prodromal...prodromal...prodromal."

I'm enjoying having a name for this phase of waiting--a name that rolls off my tongue more pleasantly than "false labor." :) Inevitably the labor will become real at some point; but for tonight, I'm enjoying watching this little one poke and push inside me as my belly rolls in waves of motion. I spot a foot or elbow or something protruding, then gently rub against it until the baby pulls it back again. It's a fun game for this night...and one of these nights, I'll hold this tiny person in my arms and see face to face the precious, jerky movements of a newborn. Until then, enjoy your swim, my beloved child! We're getting ready for our dance of labor and birth...

~ the boys and I on the 4th of July, squinting into the sun as we waited downtown for the parade to begin

Simple Sunday - A Nest for Baby

~ thankful for the end result of all this nesting: a cozy, beautiful (in my eyes, at least) spot for Baby to rest in and sleep in and look around in and learn in and grow up (at least for a while) in!...since Tobin is still using the crib, Jeff assembled this cradle for our tiniest one...the bedding doesn't match the room; but in a few months, the crib will be back in here with bedding that matches the rest of the room, and the baby can sleep in that (not that the baby will know or care!)...I love how, at this season of the year, the morning sun shines into this room...I love each of the special decorations that we've collected through the years for the nursery...I love how the new paint transforms the room...most of all, I love the fact that soon (so soon!), there will be a precious new son or daughter to occupy this room

My new favorite quote about childbirth:

"At just the right time, when things are completely in place, the dance of labor and birth will begin, and the two players who have been rehearsing for all these weeks will delight in seeing each other's faces."

~ from The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth with Confidence

37 Weeks...

Hooray! It's July! We made it! Baby can come anytime now, and I'll be happy...or he/she can hang out a while longer on the inside, and that will be OK, too. At least now I know that the birthday will be sometime in July, leaving the month of June for Josiah and giving The New Baby the honor of his/her own month of birth. :)

Every day, I think, "Maybe this is the day. Maybe July 1..or 2...or 3...or whatever...will be the day. This is a good day for a birthday!" And every evening as the hours run out before a new day begins, I think, "Well, I guess July 3 won't be the birthday after all." I do this every single day.

However, despite my eagerness to meet this new member of our family, I've settled back into a contented come-what-may kind of attitude. It was interesting to me to read back through the archives and see what kind of mood I had in the weeks leading up to Tobin's birth. This post showed me that five days before his birth, I was feeling similarly to how I do now: peaceful in spirit, patiently waiting, feeling fairly good physically, actually getting some things accomplished and feeling good about that. The previous week, I was not feeling so laid-back at the beginning of 2008 since I experienced both physical discomfort and mental impatience; and I've certainly had days like that during the past week or two. At the present time, thankfully, I feel like I'm in a win-win situation with the baby's birth being welcome at any point, but a lot of fun activities coming up that I can participate in if the baby stays put for a while. Plus, each day I have been able to make progress (sometimes small progress, but at least it's movement in the right direction) with various things that I wanted to finish up before the baby is born; and that's satisfying to see some accomplishment before the great upheaval of birth and a new person in our household!

I had an appointment on Wednesday with Donna, one of the midwives; and from here on, I will have an appointment every week. Here are a few things I noted from that appointment...

~ I happened to see, in the waiting room, one of the nurses who was working when I gave birth to Tobin...her name is Cindy, and I knew her from before his birth but had lost touch with her so was glad to reconnect...once again, we had lost touch since Tobin's birth; and once again, I was glad to reconnect...she happened to remember that I was 8 centimeters dilated when I arrived at the hospital in labor with Tobin; and although I thought that was wonderful, she said the nurses had to scramble a little to get everything ready in time...I didn't know that; I was too busy happily relaxing in the jacuzzi to pay attention to anyone else :)

~ my weight was 174 pounds, which is the heaviest I ever got before Josiah's birth...but that time, I gained 32 pounds to get to 174, and this time I've only gained 24 :)

~ the baby's heartbeat was 146, a little higher than it had been during the last few appointments (but still not in the high range)

~ my uterus measurement was 36

~ the Group B Strep test I had done at the previous appointment came back negative, like it has with all my pregnancies...I was grateful for that because I don't have to worry about getting a certain amount of antibiotics pumped into me through an IV before I give birth

~ Donna said this baby is a good size, probably already over 7 pounds...everything looks perfect, she said!

~ one thing that stood out to me is that Donna always speaks as if us having more children is a very real possibility, especially in regards to having a girl someday...I'm so used to people assuming that this must surely be our last baby that it's a little surprising (in a good, refreshing way) when someone assumes we'll have more! :) (disclaimer: I'm not saying we will have more, just that I'm not ready to shut the door on that possibility yet)

And now, two pictures to share...this makes up for the last pregnancy update that didn't have a picture included. I got up my courage and handed the camera off to Jeff at the lawn party last Friday so he could take a picture of me. Here I am at 36 weeks, 6 days...

...and then at 37 weeks, 4 days pregnant, in our own backyard.
A month or two after I give birth, when I'm still feeling really fat and flabby, I'll be able to look at these pictures and realize that I'm not so big after all. Hopefully the comparison will be encouraging to me. :)

It's been fun to read through the guesses about the baby's birth date and time! I think we've got the dates covered from July 7-12, and then July 14-15. Interesting that no one picked the 13th, or the 16th or later. It surely will be fun to see who wins! If you haven't already, you can go here and leave a comment with your guess to get into the contest. :)

OK, that's all I can think of to say about this particular week of pregnancy...until the middle of the night when I wake up with some burning thought that I should have included!

Signing off for tonight,

Mrs. Waddles or Mrs. Wobbles (either is appropriate because they're both true)

The Mountain

For the past several days, I've had a very strong sensation that a mountain looms before me. Of course, I've known for quite a while about this mountain; but lately, my awareness of it has been heightened exponentially and my visualization of it has become much more detailed.

Obviously, a big part of the mountain is the actual process of labor and delivery; but I now realize that standing behind that high peak is another mountain, just as high and possibly even higher, though its true height is obscured from my vantage point here in the foothills that precede the first peak. That second mountain is, in a word, ADJUSTMENT. The whole process of returning to normalcy--or rather, finding a new normalcy--is what currently feels immensely intimidating as I stand here and quake in my hiking boots. I don't know how to get over that mountain. I don't even know what that mountain looks like--how rugged or how smooth--whether there is any kind of trail or whether I'll have to blaze my own way--whether it can be crossed in two weeks or six months. I know nothing about it.

Jeff reminds me that I've successfully navigated these mountains of adjustment before, after the birth of each of our other children. He's right. But I've never seen or gotten over this mountain before, and the fear of the unknown is challenging the peaceful equilibrium I like to have (and usually have, I think it's fair to say) as I hike along.

The biggest difficulty I perceive in crossing the peak is the fact that I'll be carrying two very dependent beings on my back. Obviously, the newborn requires hours of care, and that doesn't surprise or scare me because I'm used to that. But Tobin--my dear, sweet Tobin--is still a very dependent child. Eighteen months old for my boys is not like eighteen months old for most other children. For some reason, God has seen fit to give us children that fall on the late side of the physical development spectrum and make up for those babies who crawl at 5 months and walk at 9 and who would otherwise throw the average off completely! I don't mind that; and in fact, I see the advantages of it since early mobility means lots of extra vigilance for the parents. But I've never needed to care for a newborn while still caring for a needy toddler; and when I imagine it now (in this admittedly crazy fog of late-pregnancy hormones), all I can picture is the baby crying for some reason, Tobin sitting on the floor crying because I can't pick him up, and me crying from the sheer impossibility of it all. Josiah and David will probably look at us in bewilderment, then go outside to play.

I know my imaginations are running wild, but part of that comes from the sheer exhaustion of the climbing I'm already doing. Every day is a foothill to cross. The fatigue, the physical discomfort, the feeling of time slipping away with accomplishments undone, etc.--all of that makes even these low hills feel challenging. Add to that a week of Tobin being sick and needing extra care, and I suppose it's no wonder that life is feeling overwhelming now. I don't even know how many more foothills there are to cross before the huge peak that I can currently only see in the distance.

This evening, I was in full-blown collapse mode; and right before supper, I said to Jeff, "I wish I could just go to bed." He urged me to do just that (despite the clean sheets that needed to be put on Josiah's and David's beds, the pancakes still frying on the stove, the boys that needed feeding and bathing and putting to bed, etc.), so I did, thanking God again for my sensitive husband, wearily climbing the steps, and falling asleep quickly until a few hours later when my empty stomach wouldn't let me sleep any longer. I should be sleeping now, but instead here I sit, using writing as a form of therapy. I'm reluctant to even publish this because it feels so raw to me, but my pattern and desire is to live life as an open book. I wish every page was neat and clean and beautiful; but in the book of my life, this particular page has ink blotches and misspelled words and crooked letters and tear-stained illustrations. Not very attractive, but real.

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is His faithfulness;

His mercies begin afresh every morning.

~ Lamentations 3:21-23

O Lord, be gracious to us;

We long for You.

Be our strength every morning,

Our salvation in time of distress.

~ Isaiah 33:2

36 Weeks...

I was planning to wait to post this until I had a picture to go along with it; but because I've been feeling supremely UNphotogenic, there won't be a picture. Not tonight anyway. Not all this past week. Maybe tomorrow? Or maybe not. Maybe after the baby is born. :)

Some tidbits from this 36th week:

~ I measured my "waist" last night, and it was 44 inches. When I looked back at this post, I was reminded that at the end of my pregnancy with Josiah, my waist was only 42 inches. At 38 weeks, 5 days, with Tobin's pregnancy, I was 45 inches. Here I am at 36 weeks, 4 days, already measuring at 44. I'm not sure I can stretch much bigger! :)

~ The general consensus, when people see me in person, is "I don't think you're going to make it to your due date!" :)

~ As far as when this baby will be born, I'm going to hold a contest to see who can get closest to the date AND the time. If you want to play along, leave a comment on this post with your guess of the baby's birthday and time...and whoever is the closest will receive some kind of prize in the mail! The contest will be open until...well...until the birth, I guess!

~ To help you make an educated guess, let me remind you of some facts. My due date is July 18. Josiah was born one day early, David was 12 days early, and Tobin was four days early. Obviously, there is an early trend, but it's not definitive; anything is possible. For the time of day, Josiah was born at 11:23 AM, David was born at 9:40 PM, and Tobin was born at 6:37 PM.

~ Last evening when we were discussing the birth, I believe Jeff said that his guess is July 14th.

~ My personal guess is that it will either be the 14th, 15th, or 16th...for the simple reason that in our family, we have a birthday on the 11th (in December), the 12th (in January), the 13th (in June), and the 17th (in April), so it would be nice to fill in one of the dates between the 13th and 17th. Very scientific guess, I know. :)

~ I remember this from the end of Tobin's pregnancy so it's no surprise, but I am finding such satisfaction with ticking off the dates and getting past certain events that I was hoping to be past by the time of the birth! For example, Josiah's birthday...I did not want this baby to be born on or near that day because I wanted it to remain special just for Josiah. The week of VBS at our church was another big milestone to pass, since it would have been incredibly inconvenient to give birth that week! Each date on the calendar, each meeting, each obligation that passes makes me breathe a deeper sigh of relief and think, "Whew, we made it past that one!" :) Now that I'm basically a day away from being officially full-term, I'm very grateful to have made it this far; and there's really no indication that I don't still have a few weeks before the birth. But the only thing that I'm really holding out for now is to make it to July since I think it would be more convenient for future birthday celebration plans to have Josiah's birthday in June and this baby's birthday in July. The funny thing about this stage is that I can't just sit here and twiddle my thumbs until the baby's birth, so we continue to make plans and be active (sure, we'll go to an Independence Day party on July 5th--yes, we'll be at the annual Huffman Reunion on July 12th--a dentist appointment for Josiah on July 15th? no problem!)...although everyone that we plan something with knows that all our plans at this point are tentative--subject to change without much notice!

~ One more tidbit about the date, Misty and I were pregnant at the same time with our 3rd child, and she gave birth to Elissa four weeks to the day before I had Tobin. Lo and behold, we were also pregnant at the same time with our 4th child! She had Anastasia on June 8, so if I follow the pattern and give birth four weeks after that date, it would be July 6. I'm just trying to think of all the helpful advice I can give you so that you can make a smart guess; I'm nice like that. :) Oh, two more things I didn't check: the date of the full moon in July, and the Farmer's Almanac weather predictions for that month (since, of course, low atmospheric pressure can make babies suddenly pop out, right?) You're on your own with those two factors! :)

~ Changing from the date to the other BIG QUESTION: boy or girl? I find it interesting that in the blog poll, there have been 14 votes for boy, and 33 for girl. I'm sure the majority of you will be happy to know that the Chinese fertility calendar predicts a girl. :)

~ A little while back, I made a comment about the odds of having another boy; and in response, Bekah posted this. She's right, you know; they do say the odds with each conception are 50/50. But doesn't experience teach all of us that somehow, boys or girls do tend to run in a family, despite the scientific odds? Anyway, I was honored that Bekah thought about and wrote about the question that's been so much in my mind recently. :)

~ One more issue to mention: contractions. Margie asked, in a comment on this post, if I'm still having contractions. The short answer is yes. Detailed answer is this: I seem to have two phases these days. Phase A includes pangs of cramping which are noticeable, but very short-lived. If they lasted longer, they would feel like a regular contraction to me. Phase B involves a constant feeling of muscles being squeezed, like one long contraction with no release. I often notice this in the evenings, especially after I've spent some time sitting in front of the computer without getting up to stretch. That happens consistently enough that I'm very glad I don't have a desk job because I would definitely be uncomfortable most of the time in that kind of situation! With the short "contractions," I've gotten to the point of thinking that maybe they're related to the baby's movements. With both Josiah and David, there were certain spots that got very sore from their kicking: a place near my right ribs with Josiah, a spot near my navel with David (and I can't remember with Tobin). But with this one, the movements--although very consistent and obvious--are almost gentle compared with my first two pregnancies. It feels like my insides are being kneaded and convulsions are happening, but they almost seem to be slower, more deliberate movements, rather than sharp jabs. At any rate, they don't hurt...at least, I thought they didn't hurt, but now I'm wondering if those "mini-contractions" are really just a response to the baby's movements. I don't know if that's making any sense or not...

Enough from me. It's your turn to venture a guess--and maybe win a prize! :)

A Battle

There's a battle being fought between my body and my mind.

My body says: Stop.

My mind says: Go.

Body: Rest!

Mind: Work!

Body: But you need to rest in preparation for labor, delivery, and the upcoming weeks of sleep deprivation.

Mind: But you need to get stuff done NOW before this baby is born.

Body: But I don't feel good.

Mind: You feel good enough. Besides, you're probably not going to be feeling much better for quite a while, so you might as well push through and do stuff now.

Body: But I'll feel better if I rest.

Mind: You'll actually feel better from the sense of accomplishment you'll get if you don't rest now but get something done instead.

Body: But I just can't.

Mind: Are you sure? Come on, you can do it. Don't be a wimp.

Whew, these guys wear me out with their constant arguing! :) They also help me identify a lot with Matthew 26:41, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak!"

I'm undoubtedly head over heels in the nesting phase which I usually enjoy, but what's frustrating is that I've been feeling like THE WHOLE HOUSE is a mess with way too many projects started without being completed and several hot spots burning fiercely and discouraging my soul. I've felt like, "How am I ever going to be able to get on top of this??"

Today, my mother came to my rescue by taking Tobin (who had a fever of 102.2 degrees and was extremely clingy) to her house for the afternoon, where he suddenly became a picture of cheerfulness, not once having a crying spell, but happily playing with the special toys kept at my parents' house and cuddling with my mom to watch "Little House on the Prairie." Meanwhile, I got Josiah and David set up for quiet time; then I fell asleep on the couch and had a pretty decent nap from which I awakened refreshed and ready to tackle life again. Tobin was still happy at my mom's house so she kept him and I was able to have a block of time to work in the nursery, finishing up the things that I could do to restore order there after everything had been removed for the new paint.

When Jeff got home from work and we had eaten supper, he further encouraged my soul by being in tune with my nesting urge and taking the time to do various projects in the nursery that I couldn't (or didn't) do on my own: assembling the cradle (since the crib is now in the guest room for Tobin to use), putting some shelves back up on the walls, screwing some hardware back in place on the windows, doing some touch-up painting, etc. I was so grateful for what he did because, after he went off to a time of prayer with some friends, I was able to finish everything else in the nursery! The closet, armoire, and changing table have all been thoroughly sorted through and organized. All the decorations have been put back in place (except for some that I'm getting rid of as I declutter). The furniture is dusted, the floor vacuumed. The beautiful blanket that Amy made for The New Baby is packed in my bag to take to the hospital (that was another project I started today: packing the hospital bag--so much fun!). I have newborn diapers on the shopping list for tomorrow. Best of all, the baby has a place to sleep when we bring him/her home from the hospital!

The only things left to do in the nursery are install the new outlet covers and switch plate (ordered from Ebay) when they arrive in the mail, put the rug down on the floor (after I vacuum it thoroughly tomorrow), put the new diapers in the changing table, get some kind of inexpensive window covering for under the valance so we can block the sun when the baby is sleeping...and then, after the baby is born, get out the appropriate clothes and put them in the armoire and changing table (or beg, borrow, and buy girl clothes, if this happens to be a female I'm carrying!).

It's so different to see the armoire and changing table basically empty and bare this time around. Last time, when we were awaiting the arrival of Tobin, I joyfully got out our baby boy clothes and carefully arranged them just so. This time, the shelves are empty, waiting to be filled once God's little secret is revealed. I can hardly wait!

I want to take more pictures of the nursery soon and post them, but that will have to be on another day. My body is starting to win the battle against my mind, overruling the notion that I'll be able to accomplish much more tonight!

35 Weeks...

Here I am at 35 weeks, 6 days, just hours away from 36 weeks; and I'm finally taking time to get this update posted. Better late than never!

The picture for this week is not my typical pose, but I hadn't asked Jeff to take a picture of me earlier in the week; and tonight when we got home from the VBS program, I asked him to take a picture of me then...which he willingly did...quite a few, in fact. When I downloaded them and looked at them, I didn't like a single one. My reason? I looked so tired in all of them! So I decided to just use a picture from the program tonight, not because it really shows my growth, but because it does show what a lot of time and energy has been going to this week! :)

I'm finally getting to the stage of admitting that this pregnancy is getting a little harder. Up until a week or so ago, when someone asked, "How are you doing?" I would usually say, "Great!"--and mean it. But now I'm not feeling quite so energetic and upbeat, and I'm looking forward with even more anticipation to the birth and the subsequent return to "normal" that will come.

At the same time, I really have nothing significant to complain about; and compared with the real hardships that some women go through during pregnancy, I do feel good and know that I'm blessed to have such an easy time even at 35 weeks. My neighbor Wilma expressed it well: it seems easy when we think how bad it could be; but compared to how we normally feel, it's hard. Very true!!

Speaking of Wilma, she gave birth to her fourth child yesterday: a BOY named Jason Douglas who joins three adoring big sisters. Wilma and Douglas had found out the gender, but had not told anyone--not even their daughters! Jeff and I had a feeling it was a boy though, so we weren't too surprised at the news; but goodness, I'm excited for them!!! It will be fun to watch our babies grow up together. :)

Here are some of the things that are adding to my 35-week discomfort:

~ having contractions: these really picked up during week 34 and have continued...they're not really painful, and they've never made me think I was going into labor, but they don't exactly add to my comfort either!

~ caring for (and carrying) Tobin: even though he's 17 months now, he's still not interested in walking since scooting fits his style just fine....since neither Josiah nor David walked until 18 months, I'm not surprised; but I am at the point of wondering if Tobin will even walk by that age!...the big question is not just "is this baby a boy or girl?" but "what will happen first: the birth of the baby or Tobin's first steps?" :)...Jeff has been a great help in this area, often reaching for Tobin when we're out together and Tobin needs carried; but there are so many times throughout a normal day when I have to lift Tobin and care for his physical needs since he's still quite dependent...this was one of the things that I worried about during the early, emotional weeks of this pregnancy; but now that I'm here in this stage, I realize again that everything's fine if I just take it one day at a time!

~ getting tired and out-of-breath more easily: for example, just carrying a gallon of milk up to our house from my parents' shed is enough to make me huff and puff and feel tired!

~ feeling weak: yesterday morning it dawned on me that virtually every morning, an hour or so after breakfast, I feel weak--not just sleepy tired (although I often feel that, too!), but literally weak...the thought crossed my mind that maybe I'm a little anemic since I have been sporadic with taking my prenatal vitamins recently, and I can't even remember the last time I craved a nice big piece of red meat so I haven't been getting much iron from that source!...I don't know if I really am anemic or not; but whatever the reason, I do have spells of weakness these days...I can't remember if that was typical during the last weeks of my other pregnancies or not

~ being big: I'm definitely wearing my larger maternity clothes and am realizing that it's nice to have a variety of sizes, even within maternity clothes...I always feel big these days, but sometimes I'm even more astonished by my size than usual...for example, one day recently I was sitting on the edge of the guest room bed, watching Tobin happily play in his crib before I got him out after a nap...I happened to glance over to the mirror in that room and couldn't believe how BIG I looked...something must be wrong with that mirror! :)...I don't feel truly self-conscious or guilty about how I look because I know I'm supposed to grow, but it does amaze me how much my body has stretched to accommodate this little one!

Despite how big I look and feel these days, I've still technically gained only 22 pounds, according to my last visit with the midwives. That's on the low side for me; and I don't know if this lower weight gain is the only reason or not, but I'm actually finding it easier to roll over in bed at this stage than I did when I was 8 months along in my other pregnancies. I don't audibly groan each time I attempt it; but the other night, when Jeff saw me beginning the slow process of turning over, he jokingly asked me if I needed a crane to help me get over. I told him what I just wrote--that it seems easier this time to roll over and maybe it's because I haven't gained as much weight--and he said, "Well, you haven't been gobbling down food!" It's true: my meals do tend to be light, and I'd almost rather drink than eat on some days. But I also find that I can't go very long through the day without eating something. Instead of three meals a day, I have about six, but they're not huge. I am not one to carefully keep track of the food I eat during pregnancy (or at most other times either!), but I am grateful that my weight gain has stayed relatively low this time around.

Other tidbits from my last midwife appointment:

~ I saw Donna, which was nice since I hadn't seen her for a while

~ my blood pressure was good

~ my uterus measurement was 34

~ baby's heart rate was 126, and Donna predicts a boy :)

~ I did the lovely (or not) Group B Strep test...although I've never had that infection, I know it could have serious consequences for a baby so it seemed worthwhile to do it

~ I go back in two weeks, and then will go every week after that

~ the night before this appointment, the baby was uncharacteristically quiet, to the point that I, for the first time during this pregnancy, grew concerned about the baby's health and safety...I was quite relieved to hear a good, strong heartbeat and to talk with Donna about my concerns...most of all, I've been relieved that since then, the baby has been quite active again

It's interesting to me that at this point, there are 10 votes in my blog poll for boy, and 29 for girl. :) I still expect a boy, and would be surprised by a girl. When Josiah and David are asked what they want, their standard answer is, "I want it to be a boy, but I think it's a girl." When David said that yet again recently, I said, "Why do you want it to be a boy?" And he replied, "So we can have a big lightsaber fight!" Apparently, he thinks girls don't like to fight. :)

One thing is for sure: both Jeff and I feel a tremendous amount of anticipation regarding this birth because of not knowing the gender. There is ALWAYS a lot of anticipation before a birth; but wow, this is really exciting!!!

Before I end, I do want to mention for memory's sake that I've had several dreams about water recently. These scary water dreams were SO COMMON in David's pregnancy, but weren't a huge factor in Tobin's or in this one so far so I was a little surprised to have a couple of them now. I only remember the details from one of these recent dreams, but for fun I'll record it here.

In the dream, there was a high, very steep hill that Jeff, Josiah, and I were climbing. When we got to the top, we could look out over a low wall and see a river in front of us (the hill was actually an embankment next to the river); and a little to our right, there were large rocks in the river that were close enough that someone could conceivably cross on them. The river was rough, however--not at all a smooth, gentle, peaceful body of water--there was definitely a sense of danger that I felt just from looking at it. I guess when we got to the top, Jeff told me that he (and some other guys) had crossed the river on those rocks, just to get to the other side to explore; and I was not too happy about that because I just wanted him to be safe! (Maybe the book I've been reading, Wild at Heart, played a role in this dream, too!) :) Anyway, after we looked at this river, it was time to go back down the hill, and this was the really difficult part. The hill was so steep that it almost seemed impossible to get down safely. Somehow Jeff went down just fine, and I think Josiah did, too; but I was still stuck at the top, holding onto the wall, completely afraid to start the descent. I was thinking about how to do it: should I just sit down and slide down that way or could I carefully choose my steps and actually make it down without tumbling? It was just so steep, and I couldn't find secure places to step. I knew, however, that I just had to let go. I couldn't do anything until I did that; but I clung to the wall, feeling completely stuck (and wondering why Jeff didn't come back up the hill to help me!), yet NOT WANTING TO LET GO.

Hmmm, you think that's related to my thoughts about labor??? :)