Sweet Hearts

Sometimes I worry about the future.

I realize that that statement does nothing to set me apart as unique...and everything to show that I'm just like almost every other person on this beautiful spinning ball we call Earth.  But even though worrying is a common condition for us humans, I believe it's not only wrong, but also completely useless!  It doesn't change anything.

When I think about the days to come, I never worry about money, rarely worry about health, but often feel concern about how my kids will turn out.  Not only do I hope they'll be kind and honest and friendly and helpful, I also, to borrow Sally's words from a comment on my last post, "want my children there in that spiritual family SO BADLY."  I know exactly how she feels.

At times, I wonder how the teen years will go for us.  In the same way that I don't buy into the mindset that the toddler years have to be atrocious, I also don't believe that the teen years have to be horrible.  But I do realize that there is a natural, God-ordained, breaking-away process that occurs during those years, and I wonder whether I--and my sons--will be able to handle that with grace and dignity.

When thoughts of the future crowd into my mind and threaten to tarnish the present, this thought comes back to me over and over and brings comfort to replace my anxiety:  I still have their hearts.

I don't know what the future holds.  I don't know how they'll act in 10 years.  I don't know what kind of heartbreak may come to me as I watch them make choices to which I'm totally opposed.

But here and now, on this day in January 2011, I still have their hearts.  They are still tender towards me.  They are not, however, little robots who obediently do whatever I ask them without ever complaining or arguing.  They're human--I'm human--and unfortunately, sin abounds too often in our household.  But even in the midst of that, even when they act selfishly towards their brothers, even when they're slow to obey, even when they have an attitude about doing a chore they dislike...even then, their hearts are still soft.

I wish I could adequately capture the times when I see this softness demonstrated so beautifully.  I try to write down their words; but it's more than words that expresses what I'm trying to communicate--it's their tone of voice, their facial expression, the tilt of their shoulders, the excitement barely contained in their little bodies.  I feel my attempts fall pitifully short, but what else do I have to help me remember these times?

Here are some recent examples of their sweet, sweet hearts:

David, who is social to the nth degree, was over at a friend's house when a pretty major argument broke out between two sons in that family.  Their mother apologized to me later and expressed her regret that my boys had had to see that, but I certainly wasn't casting blame because we have our fair share of rivalry around here for sure!  When I was talking about it later with David, he said in a quivering voice, "Maybe for the first time ever, I just wanted to come home."  This is the boy who wistfully exclaims whenever we're leaving a place to come home, "I wish I could live here!"  He has said that about numerous friends' homes, as well as the park, a play area in the Charlottesville mall, the cousins' house, the playground at the homeschool co-op we used to be a part of, etc.  He LOVES being with people, so for him to be so disturbed by the fight he witnessed showed me the soft side of his heart.

Another example involving David:  a while back, he had a dream about heaven, and this is what he told me about the dream.  In it, God said he could come back to earth for three days, but David wanted four so he could go to Disney World on one day, Disneyland on another day, and Aunt Lori's for two days.  Then he said he wanted one more so he could spend it with me!  In the dream, God wasn't wearing the blue "sash" that Jesus is often pictured with, just a white robe; and his voice was booming.  David got teary-eyed because he wants us to all go to heaven together, and I was thinking, "Oh, how sweet," then he said that the way that he got killed was by a Jedi!  Not so sweet after all.  :)

Heaven is very real to David.  In fact, after we almost got into a head-on collision on Switchboard Road back in November, he said, "I almost wish I would have died so that I could have gone to heaven and seen God already."  It reminded me of this conversation we had back in November of 2009.

Today David told me that, when he grows up, he wants to live in the little gray house my parents just moved out of.  That would be wonderful for him to live there, but I couldn't help but think of another little child who once told her parents she would never leave but would build a house on the top of their hill and stay with them always.  That girl, amazingly enough, grew up and decided that she could indeed leave them, drawn by her heart to such far-away places as California and Israel!  :)  When David strikes out on his own, I won't hold him to the desire he expressed today.  :)

Another way my boys demonstrate their sweet hearts is by public displays of affection...and when it involves my sons and me, I'm a big fan of PDA!  :)  At concerts, they want to sit close, even sitting on my lap.  During one of our potlucks, Josiah paused as he walked by me during the Bible study portion and kissed my cheek.  When we're going into his violin lessons, he sometimes reaches for my hand as we cross the street.  As long as they want to express their love to me in that way, I'll gladly receive it!

Josiah sometimes asks questions about the future--his future--and I can tell he's trying to plan out how he's going to live his life.  For example, in the middle of a conversation, he might blurt out, "How long can people be engaged?"  And he'll have this certain look in his eyes and a tiny smile at the corner of his lips, and I'll know that he's asking because he's thinking about her ("her" being a wonderful girl that has captured Josiah's eight-year-old heart but who shall remain nameless on this blog).  :)

One day, Josiah and David were talking about their weddings, and the conversation turned to maybe having their brothers be best men/groomsmen in their weddings.  They were concerned because they didn't know what girls to choose for bridesmaids! I reassured them that their bride could choose all the girls.  :)  Josiah was relieved because the girl he wants to marry has sisters that she could ask to be in the wedding!

On another day, Josiah and David got into some tiff; of course, I don't remember what it was about because such tiffs are rarely about anything truly important!  But for some reason, when it was time to apologize and forgive and hug and move on, Josiah was unexpectedly stubborn and would not humble out to open his arms and hug David.  I was so surprised and saddened by this hardness of heart that I literally started crying.  I know that women can use tears in a manipulative manner, and I do not want to do that with my sons any more than with my husband!  So I wasn't trying to put on a show to make Josiah sorry for what he had done; I was just genuinely shocked by his behavior, and my tears fell.  That unlocked the door to his heart, and his whole demeanor changed as his stubbornness melted away and he dissolved into my arms--and soon into his brother's arms for a conciliatory hug.  Needless to say, I was relieved that the hardness was so quickly replaced by softness again!

Last example:  our family has been dealing with some sickness recently, and we're such a sharing bunch that we just seem to pass it around to everyone in our household!  Fortunately, it's not a throwing-up sickness, for which I'm tremendously grateful; but the fevers, aches, coughing, and runny noses we've had aren't a barrel of laughs either.  This morning, David was feeling poorly, so before he even ate breakfast, he wanted me to snuggle with him.  I gladly would; but at the time, I had to give Shav his breakfast and do a few other things that I can't think of at the moment.  It gladdened my heart to hear Josiah say to David, "I'll snuggle with you!"  They did, and then Tobin joined them...

...and then they clamored for me to put Shav with them.  I obliged.  :)

In a day that held its customary share of tumultuous  moments, this was an oasis of peace; and just like Mary, I "treasured up all these things and pondered them in [my] heart."

These boys are so precious to me; and tonight, what I'm most grateful for is their softness.  Sure, I hope they'll grow up to be mighty men, ready to go out and conquer the world; but I also hope that I--and much more importantly, God--will always have their hearts.  

They'll always be my sweethearts, but beyond that, I hope they'll always keep their sweet hearts.  But for today, all I can do is reject worry and instead take care to notice and appreciate that I still have their hearts.  What a gift!  What a responsibility.

Fair Flashback

I started working on a much {MUCH!} longer post tonight; but as time went by, I began to realize that there was no way I could finish it tonight--that is, not if I expected to get any sleep tonight, too!  Maybe I'll get a chance to finish that other post tomorrow, who knows?  But in the meantime, while I was looking through my picture folders tonight, I found some photos that made me smile.

A trio of brothers...

 ...wearing shorts and t-shirts in the warm summer air...

...enjoying a ride...

...at the Rockingham County Fair!

Tonight, while winter's chill seems to penetrate even the solid walls of this sturdy house, I can dream of sunshine, heat...and fun at the fair!  Do we really have to wait seven whole months until we can go again??  :)

A Boy and His...

...brother...

...and a couple of wooden sword-like sticks...

= a spirited, friendly fight and a chance to show off one's valor.

*****

A boy and his blocks...

= hours and hours of fun, imaginative play.

*****

A boy and his snowman...

...even when they haven't seen each other since last year...

= cuddly hugs and almost more adorable cuteness than I can stand.  :)

*****

A boy and his grandpa, having a little man-to-man talk in rocking chairs...

= treasure!

The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing BUTT the Truth

Conversation of the day:

Me (to one of my sons, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent guilty):  Did you sit on your brother's head?

My son, emphatically:  No!  

My son, a little more quietly:  But I did touch him.

Me, suspiciously:  With what part of your body did you touch him?

My son, even more quietly:  My butt.

Aha!  That, my dear boy, would constitute "sitting."  And so, for your creative reinterpretation of the truth (a.k.a. LIE), you are hereby sentenced to two days without computer privileges.  

It looks like we need to learn a lesson from the court of law so we can all pledge to tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  So help me, God!"

That last part is especially important:  so help us, God!

Court adjourned.

Christmas for Four

Mr. Spontaneity

I never know what Jeff will think of next. 

God knew that being spontaneous was not one of my natural gifts (ha!), so he blessed me with a man skilled in spontaneity, a man who would be able to bring out of me something that wasn't there to begin with.  I've changed so much because of Jeff, but I still don't hold a candle to him when it comes to spur-of-the-moment ideas.

Today, for example, one of the first things he did this morning was say, "Let's hang up this shelf.  Where do you want it?"  This shelf, by the way, was given to us months ago by my dad; it was a cast-off from his office, no longer needed because of his retirement.  Since Dad gave it to us, it's been hanging out in the back of Jeff's closet.  I haven't pressured Jeff to put it up; and in fact, I haven't even thought about it recently.  

Apparently, something made Jeff think about it, because he was all gung-ho about putting it up this morning.  I didn't complain.  :)

Jeff found the studs and screwed it in securely--it's a heavy shelf--and now it's a perfect place to display some of our books where they can visually tempt little hands to reach for them, pull them off the shelf, and peruse them.

We decided to hang it right under the big map in our upstairs hallway, which reminded me of this quote I read recently in an article by Jill Hardy in my oft-used and much-appreciated homeschool planner, The Well-Planned Day:   

Your personal preferences will dictate a lot of your storage and organizational methods.  I know many homeschoolers who bristle at the idea of leaving maps on the wall, or having desks in common living areas, and just as many who embrace home learning as a decorating style.

"Home learning as a decorating style"?  Yes, I'd say that sounds about right.  :)

The next thing Jeff did to surprise me today occurred when he returned to the house from taking some food scraps to the compost pile and feeding the animals.  He came in the kitchen from the porch; but instead of quickly closing the door to keep the heat inside, he held the door open and gave a short whistle.  In trotted Molly.  Dear, sweet Molly.  Our first dog, my favorite dog of the three we have now.  But in the house?  Our dogs are outdoor ones and always have been; they enjoy the room to run freely in our pasture, and I enjoy the fact that my house has no dog hair or dog smell in it!  :)  But The One Who Surprises Me decided that it would be fun to bring Molly down from the pasture and bring her in the house...

...and then take her for a walk with three eager boys.

It was fun, too; and if it wasn't for that little bit about the dog hair and smell, I would dearly love having Molly as an indoor dog.

As it is, we'll let her stay outside with her two dog buddies and two goat buddies; but I'm so glad Jeff thought to bring her inside for a little bit today.

That man!  He surely keeps me on my toes.

That's why I married him.  ;-)

This Can Only Mean One Thing

The area around our woodstove crowded with random coats, mittens, socks, boots, hats, and gloves?  That must mean...

It's SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

Oil on My Head

Did you ever read Psalm 133 (about unity between brothers being like oil poured over the head and beard and to the edges of the robe) and think, "Ewwww.  Who would want that?"  ;-)

While it may be true that culturally, we can't quite relate to the significance of oil on the head or the desire to be anointed in such a way, think of how we do use oil.  How about the way it keeps machines going and helps gears mesh without too much friction or overheating?  

In our family, the oil of brotherly unity keeps our wheels turning, and that oil is made up in large part of fun and laughter.  The family that laughs together stays together, right?  

When I watch Tobin playing "chase me" and "peekaboo" with Shav around the couch, I feel the oil refreshing me.

When I see an impromptu concert with my three oldest sons, and no one gets mad at each other or tells their brothers to stop interrupting them, it's oil on my head.

When Tobin wants the stage and I see an older brother hovering in the background, but the older brother doesn't demand attention or do anything to antagonize Tobin, I think, "Well, we're making progress!"  The oil washes over me.

When I watch them, on another occasion, having so much fun together, instead of being The Sandpaper Boys who rub each other the wrong way, I sense more oil being poured out.

When Josiah and David decide to empty the block box so they can both fit inside and I hear their joy, the oil flows again.

Off-topic here, but did you notice in that last video how Shav was cruising around so well with his walker?  Isn't he amazing?  :)

He is doing GREAT with walking when holding on to something, but do you think that boy likes to be enticed and encouraged to take a step alone?

Not at all.

But it will happen.  One of these days, he'll let go and launch out and discover that he possesses the power to walk.  And the delight which will flow from my little band of boys to their littlest brother will be like oil on my head, like oil in the cogs as our life as a family swirls around.

When You Let Your Children Play with Your Nativity Set...

...you never know what might happen.  All the figures might get pushed very close together...Baby Jesus might be given trucks to play with...the shepherds might end up on top of the stable (as seen in the 3rd video down)...and, worst of all, Jesus might lose a hand!  

All those adventures happened in Christmases Past.  Here in Christmas Present, I discovered this scene last evening:

All the figures were laying on their backs.  All except the camel, that is...

...he was standing upright in a tiny space between the stable and the fence.  There wasn't enough room there for him to fall down.

But why were they all laying down?  Had an earthquake come by and rattled them all to the ground?  Had the angels appeared and overpowered them with majesty and glory?  Had some kind soul gently laid the figures down so they could go to sleep?

Then I found a clue:

See it there on the top of the stable?  I'm not sure what it is or where it came from; but to my untrained eye, it looks like a picture of a Star Wars storm trooper (is that what they're called?)  Maybe some imaginative boys were mixing genres of play!

Since all my sons were asleep in bed when I found it, I removed the scary face picture from the roof, set up all the figures, and arranged them the way I like it.

Sleep soundly, sweet one-handed Jesus!  Aren't you glad we take literally your command to let the little children come to you?  ;-)

Watching, Pondering, Grieving, Celebrating

Today, one of my 30-something friends watched her 70-something dad get married, 18 years after his first wife died.  Today, one of my 70-something friends buried her daughter, a victim of cancer's vicious teeth and long, reaching arms.  Today, I ponder the mysteries of the inexorable circle of life.

Today, I observe my boys, watching them closely, noticing their accomplishments, seeing what brings them delight, what causes them frustration, what makes them sad, what causes laughter to well up in their souls.  I see Shav...

...so proud of himself because he can line up small metal trains and connect them magnetically to each other.

I've no pictures of this, but I remember how last evening, while I was down on the floor with him, I saw him for the first time ever, get up on his hands and knees and actually crawl.  He only moved a centimeter or two, but still, what an accomplishment for our Scooter!  And then came a milestone I'm a little embarrassed to write about:  from that hands-and-knees position, Shav maneuvered his feet and legs around in such a way that he could sit down.  That's the first time I've ever seen him get himself into a sitting position from lying down.  And all the childrearing books say he should have hit that milestone months (and months and MONTHS) ago!  But Shav has his own timetable; and for him, it's just right.

Today, I remember how Tobin fell asleep last night at the supper table.

Some days, he resists his afternoon naps so fiercely!  He stays in his room and plays {mostly} quietly, which is good preparation for when he graduates to Josiah and David's status of having quiet time in the afternoons.  But on the days that he doesn't sleep in the afternoon, he gets so very tired by evening.

In the fairy tales, the princess is always the one asleep; but I think in my real-life fairy tale, he's my little sleeping prince.

Today I celebrate David's accomplishment of finishing all 100 lessons in his reading book!  Yesterday morning as we did some school work, he did Lesson 96...but he didn't stop there.  He asked if we could continue, so I said "Sure!" :)  and we spent the first part of his quiet time, sitting on the little couch together by the woodstove with a Christmas bear blanket wrapped around us (he had just gone out to feed the animals before this, so he was a little chilly--but I enjoyed the blanket, too!) and his reading book spread on our laps.  

Lesson 97...Lesson 98...Lesson 99...and then finally...

...Lesson 100!  His good reading skills and excitement about reading have been one of the great surprises of my homeschooling career!  :)

Today I anticipate Josiah's debut...

...with the Shenandoah Valley Children's Choir!!!  (pictures from Monday's rehearsal...that's why all the seats are empty!)  :)

At long last, the day is here.  He will walk on stage in that well-known uniform, take his place in the front row, second from the right, and sing his little heart out.  I can't wait.  

If you see me tonight standing in the back with a tear in my eye, you can smile and nod sympathetically.  You'll know what I'm thinking:

That's my boy up there, y'all.  That's my boy!  And I'm so exceedingly proud of him.

Of all of them, really.  The dressed-up singer.  The eager reader.  The adorable sleeper.  The excited train-assembler.  As the circle of life spins around, I couldn't be happier that God put those boys here, at this time, in this space, in my family.  No matter how long or short our spin is, I will treasure them...

...today.

When My Eyes Are Open...

...I realize that every day is filled with blessings galore.  Like...

~ friends who sympathize when I'm not feeling well...and a friend who says, "I'm sorry you're not feeling well; maybe you should drink some hot tea!"

~ the hot tea itself, with extra milk and sugar in it...because if anything can cure a cold, it's extra sugar.  Well, maybe.  ;-)

~ a cold that turns out to be milder than I thought--I'm SO grateful!  Discomfort is easier to deal with than out-and-out pain.

~ sons who cooperated beautifully during a mini photo-shoot this morning (I *needed* new pictures for the blog header I'm planning for December.)  ;-)

~ a mom who thinks that, even though I only asked her and Dad to get me some chicken at Costco, I really should have some shredded Mexican cheese...and two packages of grape tomatoes...and two huge bags of tortilla chips for Jeff...and a bag of pomelos.  Gifts of food are welcome indeed!

~ boys who are young enough to find great pleasure in twirling around in the living room.

~ a husband who says, "That's a great idea!" when I say, "Do you think we should get such-and-such for the boys for Christmas?"

~ a gorgeous sunset sky.

~ a dad who says, "Sure!" when I say, "Could you please take Josiah to SVCC practice so I don't have to wake up Shav to take him along?"

~ putting the Christmas tablecloth on the table for the first time this year.

~ comfort food for supper.

~ a mom who stays after supper to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen while I go get Josiah from choir.

~ four boys who all went to sleep peacefully tonight.

~ the warm electric blanket waiting for me.  :)

I'm so glad my eyes were open today.

And Just Like That, I...

...caught a cold.  At the 8:30 church service we attended this morning, I felt perfectly healthy.  When we went to the Christmas tree farm afterwards, I marched up and down the hills with vigor.  Then we drove to the barbershop to drop off a tree there and...

I sneezed.

And suddenly, I knew I was catching a cold.  A half hour later, while eating lunch here with my parents, I felt the familiar tight throat and the itchy, drippy nose.  Oh no, here we go.  Let me grab the bottle of Vitamin C and the box of Puffs Plus.

My original plan was to spend some quiet time this afternoon finishing my mother-in-law series; but once those symptoms hit me, I decided the wiser course of action was to go to bed and sleep while the little ones slept.  So much for finishing that series today!  

No matter.  This gives me a chance to post these pictures from our romp at the Christmas tree farm.  It's a delightful tradition for our boys, and I'm not sure Christmas would be complete for them without it.  When we first went back in 2007, I suspected that it might be the start of a family tradition; and sure enough, every year we make the trip to Singers Glen to the farm (here is 2008 and here is a snippet from 2009)--much more fun than our family tradition in San Diego of making a trip to Home Depot to choose our tree!  

At the farm, there are hills to climb...

...and run down...

...and run back up.

There are long shadows to chase...

...and a tree to (watch Daddy) cut down.

There are more hills to climb...

...and arms to outstretch when the climb seems too much and you have to call out, "Mommy, carry me!"  (To which I replied, "No, I can't carry you because I'm carrying Shav, but I can hold your hand!"  Then suddenly Tobin found new strength and realized he could actually climb it himself after all.)  :)

There are hills to fall down on...

...and get up on to continue the race with your brother.

There are trees to drag down the hill:  one for home and one for work.

And today, for a short time only, there were the cutest boys to photograph!

And no trip to the Christmas tree farm would be complete without candy canes to suck!  See how serious Tobin is about this?  :)

Also today, as a happy surprise, there was a kind lady who was willing to take a family picture of us outside the springhouse.  Pictures of our little family of six are few and far between, so I was especially grateful for this treat.  

Shav was a little distracted by David's candy cane; in fact, the only way we could get him to point his head in the general direction of the camera was to ask David to let Shav have a lick.  :)  Maybe we should have let Shav have his own.  

Oh well, there's always next year.  :)