There's No One Like You, Tobin Bear

My dearest Tobin,

"You are so special," I often whisper to you as I kiss you goodnight.  "There's no one like you!"

I wonder if your newly-turned-three-year-old brain ever thinks, "Why does she say that so often?"  :)  Just in case you do have that thought someday, I'll go ahead and answer the question now.

In a nutshell, I hope you never feel lost in the crowd of boys in this Fisher family.  To state the obvious, you are not the oldest, nor the youngest.  You are one of four boys.  When we found out during my pregnancy with you that we would have our third son, we heard the phrase "another boy" a lot (and you can imagine how often we heard that after your little brother Shav was born!).  I've previously written about that term:  in particular, how I dislike the connotation it gives, and how I delight in the uniqueness inherent in each of our sons (even if we had a dozen, they would be so different from each other!).  I won't say all of that again, but I will simply say that in my eyes and in God's, you are not just another Fisher boy.  You are so special.  Truly, there is no one like you!

~ outside, during one of the warmer days this winter...when the winter temps get into the 50s, it's time to go outside and work off some energy! ~

Would you like me to tell you some of the things that are uniquely you at this stage of life?  Some of the things that stand out to me when I think about you?  Some of the things that I've noticed about you that bring a smile to my face?  The things I don't want to forget?

You do?  Good!  I'll tell you then!

~ at the end of the mini photo shoot for your hot chocolate mug ~ 

You were a "late" walker, of course; and your scooting method of getting around drew a lot of attention.  But more subtly, when you started walking and even as a two-year-old, you had such a jaunty walk.  Without saying a word, your walk seemed to communicate, "I'm important, and I have something to do and somewhere to go."  I haven't seen that certain bounce in your step for a while, but I have fond memories of that jaunty little Tobin walk.

~ when I took this picture of Shav the Boy with Shav the Bear, you wanted me to take a picture of you with one of our Christmas teddy bears, too...I was glad to do so...I'm not sure if you even made the connection, but it just so happened that during this picture, in your right hand, you're holding something that {almost} shares your name:  Toby the train from Thomas the Tank Engine! ~

You have a very cute way of being totally serious and earnest as you explain things and make conversation.  You'll pause, tip your head to the side, act as if you're searching for the right word.  You use filler words, like "and" and "um," as if to keep the attention on you so that you don't lose your audience before you've said all that you want to say.  Your speech is getting clearer; but even when I had a difficult time understanding your words, I still felt like you tried very hard to have deep conversations because you were just so serious about the "words" coming out of your mouth!

More linguistic memories:
~ "No" was an easy word for you, of course.  You would draw it out into quite a long word sometimes.
~ For the longest time, when you wanted to communicate "yes," you would say "ah!"  In fact, it's only been within the past few days that you've switched it to "yeah," and when you made that switch, it was sudden.  It almost seemed like one day it was "ah," and the next it was "yeah."
~ You don't hesitate to say a commanding "c-mere" (for "come here") when you want me to come to you or take a look at something, and sometimes you'll do a little gesture with your hand as well.
~ You used to say "oh, dear!" quite often, but have seemed to drop that habit.  What I've noticed you saying a lot recently is "OK?", particularly at the end of sentences.  You might say, "Me do it, OK?" or "Me not eat it, OK?"
~ One of the sweetest phrases that was uniquely a Tobin thing was adding an extra "you" after the verbs in sentences.  For example, "Daddy loves me" was, coming from your lips, "Daddy love you me," and the request "help me" was "help you me!"

~ on Christmas morning, listening to Daddy read the final portion of Bartholomew's Passage ~

You're growing up so fast and so much!  You're the little guy who used to scoot around and "steal" everybody's shoes, even taking them off people's feet!  And then you would put them on your own feet, almost always backwards, right shoe on left foot, and left on right.  Somehow that changed, and these days I rarely catch you stealing shoes.  :)  Also these days, you usually get your shoes on the correct feet!

Speaking of growing up and maturing...you and David, in particular, still have frequent moments of pushing each other's buttons and rubbing each other like sandpaper.  I am looking forward to the growth that I am sure will be happening this year in this area!  :)  But one little technique I've used to help you in this is the phrase, "After you're done with it, may I please have it?"  When one of your brothers (most often, David) has something that you think you need right then(!), you are slowly but surely learning to resist the temptation to reach out and snatch it from him, but instead to say, "After you're done with it, may I please have it?"  Of course, in your adorable pronunciation in which you frequently leave off the initial consonant sounds, it doesn't come out quite like that; but we know what you mean, and that question goes a long way to preserve peace and harmony between you and your brothers!

~ showing off your new hot chocolate mug on Christmas morning ~

You LOVE to pray!  When we sit down to eat lunch and I call on Josiah to pray, your voice pipes up first.  Or when we're doing school and read Window on the World and start to pray for whatever country we just read about, you always want to pray first, and I usually have to shush you gently so that your brothers can have their turns to go first!  Your prayers are usually very specific, sometimes lengthy, and always full of gratitude.  For example, at lunch you might say, "Thank You, God, for food.  Thank You, God, for milk.  Thank You, God, for cheese.  Thank You, God, for apples.  Thank You, God, for cups.  Amen!"  Or at night, you might thank God for your bunk bed, your Bible, your blankets, "Oddy" (your pronunciation of Shavi), me, and other assorted things that come to your mind.  One night recently, as you were praying before I tucked you in, David and Josiah were both in the room with us because they had listened to me read a bedtime story to you and were waiting their turn for me to tuck them into their beds.  You started praying, and you happened to still be holding your new-to-you-but-really-passed-down-from-your-big-brothers Bible.  You started thanking God for "this page," and then as you turned the page, you thanked Him for the next page, and then another page turn and another prayer of gratitude for that page.  David said out loud what I was only thinking inside when he exclaimed, "This is going to take all night!"  :)

~ eating snow back in December:  your favorite part of being out in the snow was eating it, so when we had to come in because I was concerned you were getting too cold, I decided to scoop up a bowl and let you eat it at the table!  :)

You are very good at falling asleep, and sometimes you even do it in your bed!!  ;-)  Other times, you end up sleeping on the floor, and that doesn't seem to bother you.  Even when you do fall asleep in bed, it's not unusual to find a book or toy on top of you; you don't seem to mind!

Now as a three-year-old, you've almost given up naps (except recently when you've been sick; the past few days you haven't felt well, and you have taken a nap without any protest).  That's earlier than I planned for you to make that transition, but not all three-year-old boys go by their mother's plan books.  :)  The way it happened was like this:  I would tuck you in after lunch for a nap, but you would not fall asleep, so you would look at books in bed for a while (you always seem to accumulate quite a stack in your bed!) and then pop out of bed.  I finally decided that I wasn't going to fight it so I didn't try to force you to get back in bed.  I simply required you to stay in your room and play quietly (although we're still working on training you to do that because you get so tempted to get into the hallway to see what's going on downstairs or to peek into Josiah and David's room to see how the Lego project is going, etc.).  I knew at some point, you would transition from having an afternoon nap to having quiet time just like Josiah and David do; I just didn't know it would be this soon!  However, I've discovered two significant advantages to this.  First, it makes it so much easier for you to go to sleep at night when you haven't had a nap.  Bedtime used to be somewhat challenging because you would call out, need a drink, or invent some excuse for continued people contact when you really should have been quietly falling asleep in your bed!  But without an afternoon nap, you almost always fall asleep at night very quickly, and that's wonderful.  Second, now that you're on the verge of being completely potty-trained, having you awake in the afternoon makes it easy for you to go to the bathroom during those hours if you need to.  You have been in underwear during some naps and stayed dry, but of course it's easier to stay dry if you're awake and can go to the bathroom when necessary!

Speaking of potty training...you were the easiest child we've potty trained so far!  Some months ago, when I was still in the stress of adjusting to four young children in the house, I started the potty training process with you; but I quickly realized that stressing out about it and rushing you was just not worth it.  So I backed off!  In this area, I let you take the lead; and it was such a peaceful, enjoyable process (of course, you had accidents occasionally, but overall you really did great).  I could hardly believe it.  :)    Back in mid-September, we wanted to encourage you along a little bit since the process seemed to be lagging, so we brought out the big guns:  M&Ms for incentive.  :)  One if you peed in the potty, and two if you pooped in the potty.  The results were dramatic:  the very next day, you had your first really successful day.  No accidents at all, and you even wore underwear on an outing to play mini golf, and you stayed dry.  Fantastic!  And totally worth the M&Ms we've given you during the past four months.  :)  These days, I only put you in a diaper for nighttime which I don't mind doing.  I did notice on the morning of January 9 that your diaper was dry, so maybe I'll get brave and try you in underwear all night long fairly soon.  We'll see...I'm not in a rush...I'm just proud of you for how you've taken responsibility in this area and done so well!!  :)

~ one of your favorite after-dinner activities is listening to Grandma read you a story (the other one is tickling/wrestling with Daddy!) ~

Here are a few videos to capture the essence of you:  you take brushing your teeth very seriously (after you do it a while, I finish up)  :)...

...and you have a blast playing with your brothers.  You're especially quick to learn from and imitate Josiah and David, and you try to keep up with them in their games and activities.

Finally, here's one more oh-so-precious thing about you.  When I ask, "What's your name?", your response is always, "Tobin Bear!"  The way you pronounce "Tobin" is more like "Bobin," but you always add "Bear" at the end.  :)

Ah, yes, you are my Tobin Bear.  One of a kind, formed by God from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, infinitely valuable in His sight and in ours, you are indeed a unique creation.

I love you more and more as each day passes and as you grow and develop and change and show your personality.  I will never stop thanking God for giving me the privilege of being your mommy.  You are an amazing gift that God gave me on your birthday!

Tobin Bear, I adore you!

With a heart full of love,
Mommy

Three Is

Three is the first birthday that a child understands.

Three is bundling up in a heavy coat and new boots, and waiting for Daddy.

Three is the long-awaited day of the first Daddy-Tobin breakfast outing.

Three is riding in the "Beep" (or, as the J-pronouncing population calls it, "Jeep").

Three is opening your own gifts.

 Three is a good age to receive The Boy Who Changed the World.

Three is taking birthdays seriously.

Three is starting to receive an allowance ($.30 per week, $.10 per year of life), and needing a bank in which to put it.

Three is being watched with interest by your little brother.

Three is a Hermie & Wormie puzzle.

Three is a snuggly ostrich from Grandpa and Grandma.

Three is needing Daddy to read the cards.

Three is being excited about a big package.

Three is loving Fisher-Price tools.

Three is bopping your head to a card that sings.

 Three is chocolate cake with chocolate icing and sprinkles.

Three is blowing out the candles all by yourself.

Three is playing with your new toy right away.

Three is Tobin!

Three is BIG!

And one more...

Three is ADORABLE.  ;-)

The Last Night as a Two-Year-Old

Once upon a time, I wrote a similar post to this one, only in that case, it was for David on the night before his 4th birthday.  Somehow, time rushed on, and here I sit on the eve before Tobin turns 3.  He'll never be 2 again.  Rather than be melancholy about that, I'm going to celebrate it--rather, celebrate him.  And so, my dear Tobin, this is for you:  one last look at you as a two-year-old, right before I tucked you in bed tonight.

It's a little strange to look back on this post announcing my pregnancy with you...

...and this post announcing your birth...

...and realize that those posts were about YOU!  We barely knew you then--just the tip of the iceberg--but without a doubt, we have delighted, during the past three years, in the gradual unveiling of your personality and all the unique attributes that make you you.  You are so very special, Tobin Bear...

...and so very, very loved!

Where Does a Giraffe Sleep?

On the floor, of course.

During quiet time.

I couldn't help but think of a few of my favorite verses...  :)

He grants sleep to those he loves.

~ Psalm 127:2b

In peace I will lie down and sleep, 

for you alone, Lord,

make me dwell in safety.

~ Psalm 4:8

I don't think any giraffe sleeping in Africa tonight could possibly be more loved than this one!

A Funny Thing Happened Around the Christmas Table

We always get to celebrate two Christmases.  The first occurs on Christmas Day; and besides our little celebration and gift-opening in the morning with just our boys and my parents, we also have the fun of having people over for dinner.  Basically, any friends we have that don't have somewhere else to go that day get invited to our house!  :)  We've done this for years--as young marrieds in California, as expats in Israel, and now here in Virginia--and it's always interesting to see who turns up and what combinations of people end up together around our Christmas table.

The second celebration usually happens a few days later when my brother and his family from Pennsylvania come down, and any other family members that we can rope into coming are here as well.  Unfortunately, it's been years since we had all my family (my parents, siblings, spouses, and kids) together in one spot; in fact, I can't even remember the last time it happened.  But we celebrate with whoever can be here, and we remember those who cannot.

Besides being a chance for the adults to converse with each other, our times together are also a hoot for the younger generation.  Cousins are just so much fun!  It's also precious to see how quickly our boys reconnect with aunts and uncles.  I may be a bit biased, but I think my sons are exceptionally warm and affectionate.  ;-)

These pictures that I took during our celebration a week ago are poor technically, but the family togetherness they capture is precious to me.  

Tobin made himself comfortable...

...between his aunt and uncle...

...and looked at all the pictures in the photo book they made for my parents...

...before my parents had a chance to look at it!

You woulda thought he owned that thing!  :)

Anyway, what I was thinking about, when I started this post, is that as we were sitting around the stretched-out table eating, Josiah took a bite of something, felt something hard in his mouth, and discovered that one of his teeth had fallen out!!!  It had been loose for a little while, but not a very long time; and as far as we knew, it wasn't exceptionally loose.  But somehow he happened to bite down on something just right, and it knocked the tooth clean out!  That was the easiest tooth removal we've had so far.  ;-)

We *always* have to take a cousin picture.

A few things have changed since these cousin pictures from years ago.  :)

Right before the cousins started their trip back to PA, my David shouted, "We have to take a picture of me and Uncle David!"  He was right; we have to.  Always.  :)

Some things never change.  And you know, we really wouldn't want them to.

In a World of White...

...I notice colors.  The blue of Tobin's hat, coat, and snow pants.  The orange of our sled.

 

Most of all, the pink of his lips and his sweet, kissable rosy cheeks.  In the past two days, since the snow started falling, I've had the privilege of thrice being Tobin's companion out of doors.  We've shoveled snow, eaten it, tromped around in it, eaten more of it, gone sledding in it, made a snow angel in it, and eaten even more of it.  Can you tell what Tobin's favorite thing about the snow is?

Ah, here's another color I love these days:  the brown of the delicious hot chocolate we make every time we return to the house from our adventures outside. What better way to warm up than with this liquid love?

I grew up drinking my mom's homemade hot chocolate, so of course, no other kind tastes quite as good to me.  Here is the recipe we've always used:

Hot Chocolate Mix

1 box (8 qts.) dry milk

1 bag (1 lb.) powdered sugar

1 and 1/2 c. (6 oz.) nondairy coffee creamer

16 oz. Nestle's Quik

Mix well.  Makes 1 gallon dry mix.  To serve, mix 1/3 c. of mixture with 1 c. hot water.  Top with marshmallows, of course!

My boys sometimes choose colored marshmallows.  For me?  Always white.  After all, they match the snow that way.  Well, until they get dunked in the hot chocolate.  ;-)

When I Said I Would Try to Finish the Story Tomorrow...

...I had momentarily forgotten that we were having a fellowship potluck this evening.  Fellowship potluck days are not exactly conducive to lengthy blog posts, to put it mildly!  :)

Here's all I've got for tonight, just a picture that I took of Tobin today in preparation for a personalized Christmas gift for him.

Tobin *needs* a hot chocolate mug.  :)  Both Josiah and David have special mugs - their own mug that we got for them when we went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina a few years ago.  But Tobin didn't have one, and now that he's old enough to hold a real ceramic mug, I'd like him to be able to use one that is just for him.  I've never done it before, but I know that lots of companies put photos on mugs, and it's not really that expensive...so I'm going to try it.  When I was telling Jeff about my idea, he said that he thought it was a great idea, and then he said, "Don't we already have lots of pictures of Tobin to choose from?"

Well, technically, yes.  But what's the fun in that?  It's much nicer to dress him in a favorite sweater, take him outside on a chilly fall morning, and do a quick little photo shoot so we can have a brand new picture for his mug.  He was excited that I was taking his picture (I've trained him well!), and I was happy with the result: a win-win situation.  :)

How I love that Tobin Bear!

Mother-in-Law o' Mine, Part Three

~ my mother-in-law holding Tobin, during our California trip in May of 2009 - Tobin was 16 months old, which is just about how old Shav is now

In case you're randomly clicking over here, this post is a continuation of the story of my relationship with Jeff's parents.  Part One is here, Part Two is here.  But before I pick up the story, I want to say one thing in response to Morning's thoughtful comment that she left on Part Two.  Actually, as is usually the case with me, there is a lot I want to say about it!  :)  But I'll insert just one point I want to make now, and then perhaps answer her question more fully as I continue the story.  But, Morning, if by the end of all of this, you don't feel like I answered your question clearly or adequately, please feel free to ask again; I value your perspective and input!

Her query brought to mind one of the benefits of the rough start I had in my relationship with my in-laws (there's no great loss without some small gain, as my grandmother used to say!), and that is this:  it was very clear that Jeff and I were marrying each other for each other.  We definitely weren't getting married because of convenience, or because people thought we should, or because we thought we'd make cute kids together, or because our tax situation would improve if we were married.  Our only matchmaker was God, and there was certainly no family pressure to marry each other!  (That is, until my parents met him and "fell in love" with him, so to speak...)  :)  Jeff and I quickly developed a strong bond with each other, in part because it was Us against Everybody Else.

As I think back over the paths I could have taken and the men I could have married (not that there were scores of men waiting around to marry me - not at all!), I realize that with one, I could have married him for his church.  With another, I could have married him for his family.  With another, I could have married him for his money.  But with Jeff - oh, with Jeff!  I married him for the man.  I want to be careful how I say that because I know the wife of one of those men reads my blog and the parents of another one have read it, and I am in no way implying that those individuals aren't wonderful men, too.  Of course they are, and they are perfect for their respective spouses.  But Jeff, my dearest Jeff, the one who holds the key to my heart, he is perfect for me; and because of the way our relationship began without a lot of (or any) parental support, I never had to question my motives for marrying him.  If I was crazy enough to go against family, I must really love that man!  :)

Now, back to the unfolding story...

The next chapter in the history of my in-law relationship could be entitled "Along Came Josiah."  Having a child changes everything, and having a grandchild changes everything again, doesn't it?

It "just so happened" that I found out I was pregnant on a day we were planning to drive up to Big Bear to visit Jeff's parents.  It was Columbus Day 2001, very shortly after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11; and as I thought about Columbus' huge discovery, I felt like my own discovery that morning was almost equally as significant!  :)  It was very special to be able to share it with Jeff's parents right away, face to face.  I remember being outside that day in the beautiful fall weather; in their backyard was an apple tree which was producing loads of luscious green apples.  I ate and ate and ate green apples that day!  And together with the future grandparents, we rejoiced!

As the pregnancy progressed, Jeff's parents followed along with all the developments; and I particularly remember his mom and sister coming to my baby shower (which was an amazing night - wow, I loved that party!).  But I still remember feeling very much closer to my mom than to Jeff's.  With my mom, it was all comfort and security; with Jeff's, I still felt some insecurity and had the sensation of being an outsider.  Jeff was the go-between, the link between his parents and I.  Without him, things felt a bit awkward.

When Josiah was born, Jeff's parents drove down from Big Bear right away and came to the hospital to visit us which meant a lot to me at the time and still does.  In general, as far as basic personality, Jeff's dad was the gruff one, and his mom the friendlier one; but when it came to Josiah, Grandpa Fisher became the most tender man you could imagine.  He really loved Josiah.  In this old post from the very early days of this blog, there is a picture of Jeff's dad holding Josiah in the hospital; and to me, there is LOVE written all over that picture.

Little did we know, when that picture was taken, that within a matter of months, Jeff and I and our tiny baby would be moving halfway around the world to Israel.  Little did we know that a few weeks after our move, Jeff's dad would suffer a terrible stroke and never recover, lingering for a time in the hospital and rehab center, but ultimately dying the day before my 27th birthday.  We didn't know that Thanksgiving of 2001 would be the last one we would celebrate in their home in Big Bear.  I had no idea, as I watched Jeff's dad hold Josiah and talk to him and love on him, that before Josiah got old enough to even remember his grandpa, he would be gone.  When some members of the Fisher family got together at the Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown San Diego for our last hurrah before our flight to Israel, I never once thought that it would be the last time we would be able to gather in such a way.

Looking back with the perspective that time brings, I'm increasingly grateful for the five and a half years of marriage we had before our move to Israel and our loss of Jeff's dad.  I'm grateful for the time we spent together, the memories we made, the books we discussed, the meals we shared, the games we played, the museums we visited, the holidays we celebrated - together.  My relationship with my in-laws grew so much during that time:  from who-is-this-girl-and-why-does-she-want-to-marry-our-son to genuine love and acceptance and goodwill towards each other.  I'm so thankful for that.

But despite that growth, I still wasn't at the point - and never dreamed I would be! - of welcoming my mother-in-law into my home for a month!

Maybe tomorrow I'll get to actually finish the story and show how I got to that point.  :)

The Picture Etched in My Mind

Our family of six, standing in the airport, saying farewell to the dear lady who, for a month, had been the seventh member of our little family.

Shav, ensconced in the stroller, blessedly unaware of the significance of the goodbye just given to him by his grandma.

The other three boys, lined up side by side, as near the boundary of where only the ticketed passengers can go as we would let them stand.  Josiah in tears.  He and David and Tobin with upraised arms, waving goodbye!  goodbye!

Then Tobin's voice pierces the clamor.  "I wuv oo," he cries out in his toddler voice.

During his grandma's visit, she would often hug him and exclaim, "I love you," to him; but as much as he hugged and kissed her back and showed oodles of warm affection in other ways, he wasn't quick to respond with a spoken "I love you."  But now, as she's on the verge of leaving, he does it.  He speaks the words of love.

Does she hear?  Or did he speak too late?

She pauses, just before entering the elevator that will take her away.  She looks over, she smiles.

She hears.

Sometimes, They

Sometimes, they make each other shriek and cry.

Sometimes, I have to say, "Tobin, you can't take that from him," and "Shav, it's Tobin's turn now."

Sometimes, like in these pictures, they play together so nicely and cheerfully; it's like oil on Aaron's beard.

For such moments, my heart gives thanks.