The crik didn't rise...the deviled eggs and cake got made...but I'm not following through with my intention to blog about Shav at four months. The reason is because another four month old boy, Ayden, was taken home to be with Jesus some time ago; and tonight, I wanted to spend my time doing a little something to bring a ray of comfort to his mother.
I don't know Lindsay in real life, but I ran across her blog and was touched deeply by her story of love and loss. I cannot imagine what she's going through; as much as I try to fathom the pain of losing a child, I just can't do it. The only thing that gives me a glimpse of what it might be like is the miscarriage I had almost three years ago, but that doesn't even come close to the level of suffering that Lindsay is enduring.
However, when I read on Lindsay's blog that she is finding comfort in pictures that people are sending her of her son's name, my experience with the miscarriage gave me a tiny insight into why that means so much to her...at least, I think it does. Maybe her thoughts are totally different from mine, I don't know. But I do remember how, after my miscarriage, I wanted that baby to be real...I wanted someone to recognize that life and remember that it had existed...I wanted something to hold onto, to be able to see and touch, something concrete so that the pregnancy wouldn't simply evaporate into the air and be lost from memory in the history of the world. The baby I had dreamed of having was gone, but I didn't want the memory of it to vanish with it. In our case, it was far too early in our pregnancy to know if it was a boy or a girl, so we didn't name it or anything like that. But I still remember...I still hold it in my heart...and I can imagine that seeing Ayden's name pictured in various ways helps Lindsay hold him in her heart and reassures her that others are holding onto his memory, too.
So many times when I read blogs of people who are going through difficult times, I wish fervently that there was something I could do to help. I do pray for situations I read about, and I truly believe that is the most effective thing I can do. But when I read Lindsay's request for pictures for Ayden's name gallery, I was so happy to be able to actually do something for her. I used some buttons from my button stash and came up with this...I'm posting this in hopes that there are others of you who could come up with a way to take a picture of Ayden's name and then send it to Lindsay...and even more of you could simply take the time to pray for comfort for her and her husband. We may not be able to change the world; but if we can ease the suffering of a fellow mother even a small amount, it's worth the effort.
I still plan to write about Shav at four months...maybe tomorrow? But for tonight, this was more important.