Fear

Last Sunday the speaker at the church service we attended referred to some verses about fear that are well-known to me, and I was very grateful to be reminded of them. Here they are, from Matthew 10...

28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Hearing this reminded me of some verses I had seen recently in a devotional I've been reading at night, Prayers and Promises for Mothers. These verses come from Isaiah 51...

12 I, even I, am he who comforts you.
Who are you that you fear mortal men,
the sons of men, who are but grass,
13 that you forget the LORD your Maker,
who stretched out the heavens
and laid the foundations of the earth,
that you live in constant terror every day
because of the wrath of the oppressor,
who is bent on destruction?
For where is the wrath of the oppressor?

I don't have time or energy to go into this too deeply tonight, but suffice it to say that I was a very fearful child and have battled fear as I have grown up and, I would say, have mostly conquered it, thanks to God's power within me. However, the robbery...well, it definitely opened the door in my mind to fear again. It's not something I deal with all the time; I can easily say it's not "constant terror" like the verse above refers to. But it does hit me at random times. One night recently looking out an upstairs window at the darkness, my thoughts swirled with wondering about who might be out there and what they might be planning to do.

One extremely familiar weapon that I often return to in my arsenal against fear is Psalm 27 which begins...

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

As I contemplated these three sections of Scripture recently, it struck me how similar they are in theme--why fear men? God is on your side--and I was so glad to have these as tools as in my toolbox as I work to build a peaceful, secure heart and home.

David, the Joker

David had tons of fun running crazily around the oval "track" in our living room and kitchen this morning, wearing this hat and making the bells at all the tips ring madly. Such a funny boy! :)

Tidbits

Recent utterances from the mouth of Josiah...

~ in the car yesterday, he wondered if Dairy Queen and Burger King are married

~ his plan has been to grow up to be a barber like his daddy...recently he announced that he would like to take over the shop when he gets old enough and to do that he needed to learn two things: how to cut hair and how to be the boss (personally I think he's well on the way to knowing how to be a boss, since he likes to practice a lot around here!) :)

~ one of the neighbor girls, Marlene, was over here recently; and as evening approached, lightning bugs started flashing and the kids started catching them...Marlene caught one and killed it because, as she put it, she doesn't like ANY kind of bugs, even lightning bugs or ladybugs...Josiah was very sad that she killed it, so she kindly promised that in the future, she would not kill lightning bugs at our house, only at her house...after I had gotten Josiah tucked in bed that night, he waited a few minutes, then appeared at the top of the steps IN TEARS because of the thought of Marlene killing lightning bugs...Josiah had actually been going through a period where every night, he would pop back out of bed several times after he was supposed to stay there, so when I first saw him that night, being compassionate was not my first response!...but when I heard what he was saying and saw his tears, I responded tenderly and tried to help soothe his troubled heart...I find it's a tough balance sometimes between dealing sensitively with issues that come up at his bedtime (just when I'm ready to be done "mothering" for the day!) and enforcing the stay-in-bed-and-don't-get-out rule

~ speaking of sensitivity (or lack thereof), during our last family night (when we went to Silver Lake to feed the swans and ducks), we drove through the cemetery where my paternal grandparents are buried and where my parents plan to be buried...we stopped and got out to look around, then hopped back in the car...and as we drove off, I was wondering aloud to Jeff if the Old Order Mennonites around here make simple wooden caskets when they have a death in their community...this was shortly after the Showalter family tragedy, so such thoughts were fresh in my mind...I was telling Jeff that when I die, I'd like to be buried in a simple wooden casket because I don't see any reason in the world that my family should pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for a fancy box that will sit in the ground!!!...Jeff, by the way, helpfully reminded me that I'm planning to donate my organs or donate my body to science, so I may not even need a casket :)...but all that aside, I didn't carefully consider the fact that Josiah's ears were listening in on this particular conversation!...he and I have talked about death a number of times before, even my death, so I didn't really think it would affect him so much...but affect him it did...oh, dear, that particular goof on my part required a huge amount of consoling, talking about God's provision of strength in time of need, reassuring him that I felt healthy and really thought I wouldn't die anytime soon, and on and on and on...for several nights after this, I would tuck him in bed, he would be in a happy mood, then after a little while I would hear his little footsteps, see him in the upstairs hallway, and have the privilege of dealing with his emotional self all over again!

~ today after afternoon naps, Josiah crawled up on the couch with me and we got to talking about the future...for some reason, he wanted to know how old he had to be before he got married so we talked about that for a while...and at some point, he informed me that he wouldn't need to go to college because he was going to be a barber and Daddy could teach him that...we talked about the process of learning to know a young lady and deciding if she was the right one to be his wife...he said that he would like to take her to the tea shop to talk (I went to a wonderful local tea house last week with some ladies, so I think that's what put it in his head)...at the end, his voice got choked up and he said that he was really happy and that's why his voice sounded funny, not because he was sad...as I got up from the couch to go do something else, he said "Thanks for talking"...wow, talk about role reversal!...I'm usually the one to get so emotional and happy that I cry, and also the one to verbally appreciate the time we spend talking together...it's funny to see my habits/expressions rubbing off on him :)...he's really a tender heart

And now a bit about David...

~ I have grand intentions of writing a lengthy post about his language development very soon because I really want to record this information for posterity, but here is one thing I was noticing today...when David says certain words that end in the "n" sound but have difficult (for him) beginning sounds, he replaces that beginning sound with "n"...for example, "spoon" becomes "noon," "cane" becomes "nane," "green" is "neen," "pan" is "nan," etc.

~ David is turning into a little comedian; he absolutely loves to make us laugh...for example, today he fell out of bed when he was supposed to be napping but was really horsing around...that wasn't funny at all because I suspect he fell right on his head and it really hurt (and he could have been seriously injured; thank God for His protection!)...but the funny part was after supper, I was telling the rest of the family about his fall and I asked David if his head hurt...he said, "yeah"; but I suspected that he was just in the I'm-going-to-say-yeah-to-everything mood...so I asked him, "are you a kangaroo?"...sure enough, he said, "yeah," but then he started hopping around like a little madman as if to convince us that he really was a kangaroo...it cracked us up--it was such a spontaneous thing on his part...so then Jeff asked him "are you a snake?"...and again David said, "yeah"...only this time David had just taken a drink of milk and when he opened his mouth to answer, some of it spilled out just like a snake releasing a mouthful of venom...ah, that boy, he can be such a ball of sunshine!

The Boys' Room, Part Two

~ part of the west wall of the boys' room...some of Josiah's memory verses are visible at the very top of the wall, plus a name sign for each of the boys giving the meaning of their name and a really nice poem about it
~ we just got this picture back yesterday from Wal-Mart...it's easily my new favorite picture of my sons...that bright smile and mischievous glint in Josiah's eyes cracks me up every time I look at it...plus, his hand is actually holding David's head close to his...the photographer asked them to put their heads together, and David didn't do it quite right, so Josiah reached up and made it happen...in real life, their eyes are bluer than it appears here, and so is the matting around the picture...funny how different the coloring can appear in a photograph!

The Boys' Room

Josiah's room is now known by a new name--the boys' room--since he is no longer the sole occupant of it. Little brother David moved across the hall from the baby's room into this room in preparation for a new baby arriving on the scene, so before we had David make the move, we took the opportunity to do some painting and redecorating here.

I don't really have any "before" pictures; but basically all the walls (and ceiling) were white, and the beds were put together as bunk beds. I'm sure at some point down the road, we will put them back together as bunk beds; but for now, our cautious first-born did not want to sleep on the top bunk, and we didn't think it wise to put our less-cautious second-born up on the top. So we took the beds apart, and it's working out great!

Choosing the wallpaper border was a group project, with both Jeff and Josiah having significant input in the choice of a border with antique fire engines on it. I was very happy with it: it's boyish, and the color of the fire trucks went nicely with the deep red color I wanted for the bottom half of the walls.

There are still several other things I want to do in this room--mostly, hanging shelves (which are now in the process of being painted) on the walls to have more display area, framing a painting done by Jeff's father and hanging that, putting up a curtain at the window (I have the material for it, but since I sadly can't sew--unlike so many of the talented ladies in blogland--I'm relying on my neighbor to actually put it together for me!), getting more picture frames and arranging those on the walls, and touching up the paint a little. But definitely the big stuff in this project is done; and for that, I heartily thank my own dearly beloved Jeff who labored long and hard in that room. I wasn't much help, and he certainly did the lion's share of the work. I am very grateful!!!

~ general view of the room
~ I'm addicted to creeping into the room at night and seeing these two boys that I adore more than words can say each curled up in their bed sleeping soundly...they are so cute and lovable!...I can easily see myself as the kind of mother who wakes up in the middle of the night and tiptoes into the room of her 16 year-old to make sure he's still breathing and to give him another kiss :)
~ a dresser that a friend GAVE us just fit into this nook
~ my favorite part of the room (besides the two boys sleeping in it) is the ceiling: a deep midnight blue with white stars, moon, and planets painted on it...I have had this idea in the back of my head for my boys' room for YEARS, and it's fulfilling to see it in real life--and to like it even more now than I did when it was just in my head (it doesn't always turn out that way, you know!) :)
~ my all-time favorite vacation spot is the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and this lighthouse nightlight is a fun reminder of that beloved stretch of sand

Week 13

For a change of pace, here's an action shot (instead of the normal fix-your-hair-and-smile-pretty picture) for this week's baby bump watch. :) To be honest, I don't love this picture of myself. But also to be honest, I don't think another picture got taken of me during my 13th week of this pregnancy. So I didn't have a lot of choice in the matter! :)

On Sunday evening, we went to Wal-Mart and bought a $10 badminton set, then relaxed on the front yard and tried our hand at it. Josiah was ecstatic. Ever since he played badminton at a Fourth of July party, he has wanted us to have a set. It's safe to say that I don't have much experience with badminton, and what little experience I had was years ago; but when you're playing with a five year-old, you don't have to be a very skillful player. It's a good reminder to just have fun. :)

I did manage to stay on my feet the whole time, unlike my dear mother who somehow ended up flat on her back, worrying family and a certain neighbor alike who all happened to be standing outside to see her demise. We worried, that is, until we heard the peals of laughter coming forth from her. Mom's always been quick to laugh at others who get hurt (not seriously hurt, of course, but just silly little falls and bumps...like Dad bumping his head yet again as he forgets to lean down far enough to compensate for his height, etc.); but she proved that she treats herself in the same manner and doesn't take herself too seriously!

I seem to have inherited this trait from her, and today it burst forth when my own dear little son had a tumble of his own. Jeff had taken off work early, and we had gone to a local family restaurant for lunch (gotta love an all-you-can-eat buffet where kids 6 and under eat free, and adult price is less than $5). We were sitting in a booth, and both boys had booster seats. David was not exactly staying in his, however, but was climbing all around the somewhat limited space to which he was confined. Late in the meal, he climbed back in his booster seat and was sitting there when he suddenly began to lean...and he and the seat toppled over like dominoes in slow motion. He was not hurt since he landed on the padded seat of the booth, but he did wail. And I did laugh. I tried to stifle it for his sake, but it was tough. When I held in the laughter, it started to leak through my eyes and make me cry.

My mom and I are experts at laughing until we cry.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a pregnancy post, so let's see... Hmm, still pregnant. Feeling pretty good overall. Wish I wasn't so tired. Overdid it a bit with badminton on Sunday and uprooting shrubs on Monday. Got a little crampy. Feeling better today. Actually 14 weeks pregnant today, but didn't get around to posting about week 13 until now. Will try to get a better picture at some point this week for the official week 14 pic. Next appointment with midwife is a week from today. Am betting that I'm having a boy since I just found out that a college friend whose life absolutely mirrors mine in the area of kids is pregnant with her 3rd boy. Had to laugh at this quote from the BabyCenter.com site: "Although the top of your uterus is only a bit above your pubic bone, that growth may be enough to push your tummy out a bit." Oh, sure. Honey, we passed that stage a long time ago. :)

I feel immensely blessed.

Home Again

I've actually been home from the conference for a few days, but have been reluctant to jump back into the world of blogging. Why? I'm not sure. I guess it just feels like there's so much other stuff I should be doing! Of course, when is that NOT true?! :)

The conference was wonderful! Refreshing, inspiring, educational, uplifting, spiritual, practical, etc. So much good stuff! I will admit that my head was absolutely spinning after the first day with various ideas churning around in my poor little brain--what's my philosophy of education? is it better to have a program that's rich in literature, or one that's more focused on hands-on activities? will I go crazy if every afternoon, I have to do a project with my boys, like build a model of an ear under our kitchen table, using pantyhose and cardboard? (answer to that one is probably yes) what about classical education? is it better to focus on Greek and Roman history in the elementary grades when a child can soak up the facts like a sponge? or better to wait until high school when the rich themes of that time period can more adequately be grasped and learned from? what's the balance between, on one hand, making learning fun and interesting and, on the other hand, training your child's character to be able to apply himself to things that aren't fun for him? do you make everything song and dance? what is my child's learning style? even if I do want to make it fun for him, what is the best way to do that, based on his personality type and learning style? am I leaving any gaps in my child's education? and on...and on...and on.

The interesting thing to me is that last year when I went to the conference, I was extremely new in the area of homeschooling, didn't really know much at all, and was confronted with LOTS of questions, just like this year. However, I knew I had a year to "figure it out" since Josiah was only 4 and the "real" schooling didn't start until this year.

So, this year rolls around, and I actually felt pretty confident going into the conference, since I had already essentially planned out this year of homeschooling and even started doing it with Josiah (and it was going well). However after attending a few sessions, my feeling that I had things pretty well figured out for this year went out the window and flew far, far away!

It took a night with my friend Jackie and some good discussion with her (she's a teacher...I LOVE the fact that so many of my friends are teachers...I throw questions at them all the time!) and some thinking time alone to realize that, as it turns out, I still feel pretty confident about the plan I had made for Josiah! I'm tweaking it a bit, but really, I feel like it's a good plan for this year--good for him as he gets a lot of basic learning into his brilliant head--good for me since it's a plan I can live with and am actually happy to do--and with no huge gaps. Whew!

Despite the whirl that my mind got sent into by the conference, I'm 100% thankful that I went. Besides the educational value of it, I also received these benefits:

~ the hope that comes from hearing other people's stories and seeing some of the long-term fruit of the homeschooling lifestyle
~ time away from home and family--a change of pace--time to refresh my batteries
~ spending time with Jackie and her husband Pete--it was really the first time I had spent any time with Pete, and I enjoyed so much seeing how Jackie and Pete interact (lovebirds, to say the least!) and conversing about all kinds of topics
~ in the car on the way, I listened to some tapes (I borrowed my parents' car...never too old for that, right?...and it--gasp!--doesn't have a CD player...so I dug out some old tapes and had a blast listening to them)--one of them was Jeff's sermon that he preached on Father's Day in 2002, three days after Josiah was born--oh. my. goodness. it was hilarious!!! it made me laugh and cry and fall in love more and more with the wonderful man I married--it was such a fun trip down memory lane!
~ coming home--there's nothing like a little time away to make coming home even sweeter than usual--Josiah was SO affectionate that night; it was delightful :)

Hasta La Vista!

Tomorrow morning I am heading north for a homeschool conference, so I won't be posting anything for a little while. I went to this conference last year and was VERY inspired, so I'm really looking forward to it and am eager to hear the different speakers they have this year. Plus, I get to spend a night with my good friend Jackie (who lives near the location of the conference) and catch up with her. :)

As much as I'm looking forward to this weekend away, I'm also already missing my family...sigh. Every time we are apart for even one night, I realize anew how extremely fortunate Jeff and I have been to not have to spend very much time away from each other during the years of our marriage.

Anyway, I'll post again in a few days!

Mr. Mallard

Here's Mr. Mallard from Make Way for Ducklings (another great children's book about ducks). I know THAT Mr. Mallard is supposed to live in Boston, but maybe this is one of his cousins...or maybe Mr. & Mrs. Mallard are taking a southern vacation. :)

I'm discovering that one of the fun things about homeschooling is that everything gets related to a story we've read together! :)

Swans

Jeff took some great pictures of the wildlife. In the first two pictures, I love the swan's reflection in the water; and in the last picture, I love the way the two swans are swimming so closely to each other. When you see two swans together, is it possible to think of anything but...ah...love?!?! :)

Better Late than Never

Last week, we celebrated Jeff's family night by eating a picnic supper by a nearby lake and then feeding the swans and ducks. (One of the reasons we did that was because in Josiah's schoolwork, we had been reading The Story about Ping; and I realized that Josiah had never fed ducks. Well! We had to remedy that situation quickly! A little hands-on learning is a very good thing!!!) It was a beautiful evening--and was a completely delightful way to spend a special family night together! I intended to post these pictures many days ago; but as so often happens, life got in the way, and I'm just now getting around to it. I love these pictures too much to not post them though, so here they are...

Peace Restored

Anybody notice I was feeling a little feisty when I wrote the last post? Jeff noticed. :) And he, being my knight in shining armor, quickly rode to my rescue. After he got home from work yesterday and we ate supper, he armed himself with hammer, nails, and another board with which to bar Sweetie Pie's entrance into Molly's space. Guess what? It worked!!! When I fed Molly today, Sweetie Pie galloped over, then turned away disappointed. But I sure was happy. :) There was no extra "matter" in Molly's bowl to deal with...I knew our dog was getting enough food and not having to compete for it...I didn't have to fear getting kicked. Feeding Molly was actually quite a peaceful, enjoyable experience!

I'm happy to report that all is well again with the various creatures on Sylvan Drive!