Guess What He Did!

If "he" is Josiah, then here's what he did: fell out of bed. I had just checked on him moments before it happened, and I noticed that he was lying fairly close to one side of his bed, but I decided not to try to move him because he hasn't fallen out of bed for ages! I thought his body would sense where the edge was and then self-adjust to keep him on the bed, but no... A few minutes later, we heard a loud crash; and I knew immediately what it was and just felt sick about it, wishing that I had intervened to prevent it. Jeff and I rushed to him; but almost as soon as Jeff picked him up and put him back in bed, Josiah was asleep again and suffered no ill effects from it--in fact, he didn't even remember it had happened when I asked him about it the next day!

If "he" is Shav, then here's what he did: had his first real bath tonight! Since he lost his umbilical cord stump, we can switch from sponge baths to tub baths which is exciting to me. Shav, on the other hand, didn't seem to think too highly of the experience tonight so I didn't prolong the agony but quickly got him out and clothed in a snuggly sleeper. I'm sure baths will grow on him though until he becomes quite a fan of them (especially when he's old enough to romp and play with his big brothers in the tub...but how are we going to fit all four of them in the tub at the same time?) :)

If "he" is David, then here's what he did: eagerly asked me to do school with him, using a new workbook that our friends, the Hiters, gave to him when they brought supper to us last week. I was nursing Shav when David made his request, so I couldn't really do school with him; but I did tell him how to do some pages in his book. Plus, I asked him how to spell "dad," and he responded with "D-A-D"...and then I asked him what 2+4 is, and he said, "6." I love his excitement about school, and I'm looking forward to spending some time focused on him when we officially start our next school year this fall!

If "he" is Jeff, then here's what he did: yesterday morning both Jeff and I were very tired from staying up late the night before. Jeff got up early to have a Greek lesson with our friend David; and after the lesson but before the normal time for our boys to get up, Tobin awoke and fussed in his crib. Jeff was downstairs so I decided to go get Tobin and maybe give Jeff the chance for a little more sleep; but before I got to Tobin's room, Jeff was coming up the steps to get him...and without saying a word but by simply waving his hand, Jeff motioned for me to go back to bed and get the extra sleep. Sleep is a gift these days, and Jeff's act of self-sacrifice made me love him all the more!

When I was beginning to formulate this blog post in my head, the "he" I was thinking of was really Tobin. :) Here is what he did! One historic event was that yesterday, for the very first time, he crawled in the "proper" position: two hands, two knees! He didn't really seem to enjoy it though, and he didn't do it for long before switching back to his customary scoot...but today, he was again experimenting with a crawling position, making me wonder whether he will indeed get skilled at crawling before he begins to walk. I had almost given up on that thought, assuming that he would go straight from scooting to walking; but he surprises me and I don't know what to expect!

The other thing that Tobin did--and I think this is completely adorable--was learning to spin on the Sit-n-Spin all by himself! This happened on Sunday when Jeff had the excellent idea to bring the Sit-n-Spin up to the living room and let the boys have fun with it (it had been sitting around in our library, one of those toys that the boys saw all the time but had gotten tired of so they just ignored it...putting it in a different location made it seem fresh!). When I came downstairs after my nap on Sunday, they were excited for me to see Tobin's big accomplishment. :)

Here is a short video of Tobin that I took yesterday afternoon, showing off his new skill... :)

...and a video from last week, showing off his old skill.

Several people asked me recently, "Have you made a video of Tobin scooting?" because someday it will be so much fun to show Tobin how he used to get around. Well, I had done some short video clips weeks ago; but it was fun to do another one. Even though Tobin's scooting is so vivid to me now, I know my memory of it will grow dim and I'll think, "Now how in the world did he do that?" This way, I'll be able to watch him scoot even when he's 18 and goes off to face the world...or when he's 25 and gets married...or when he's 37 and welcomes his fourth child...or when he's 50 and has some gray hair. We'll always remember that he was our little Scooter. We love you, Scoots!!!

Only Two Weeks...

...since this little angel was born, and we gazed on his sweet face for the first time. Only two weeks, and yet I can't imagine life without him.

Today I was particularly admiring Shav's ears. They're so little and curly and perfect, and they are even a little furry still with that peach fuzz that newborns sometimes have on the outer edge of their ears. So cute! :)

Shav is doing much better at night, with last night being a record-breaker: 4 and 1/2 hours between feedings (from 11:00 PM to 3:30 AM). Getting a little more uninterrupted shut-eye at night makes a fantastic difference for me; the whole world is a brighter place! Besides lengthening the time between his feedings, Shav is also becoming a pro at sleeping on his own in his cradle at night, with no sleep props or any need to be in our bed. More brightness in my world! We're still working on the fall-asleep-on-your-own-in-your-cradle-for-daytime-naps thing; he's not so good at that yet. But it will come in time, I have no doubt.

I've been looking forward to his umbilical cord stump falling off, especially since I started smelling it and realizing how much it stinks--literally. I knew yesterday that it was getting a lot closer to coming off; and sure enough, this morning it was off. My nose is grateful. :) I've heard of some people saving the cord stump; and although I'm often sentimental enough to do something that crazy, in this case, I can't imagine keeping something so smelly! :)

Tonight after supper, we made the first of many-to-come trips to my dad's office to have Shav weighed and measured. It was no big surprise that he was up to 9 and 1/2 pounds, considering how much he eats; and he's also stretched out a bit, to 22 and 1/4 inches.

Shav's sweet disposition continues to bless our household; what a precious gift we've been given! Happy two week birthday, dearest Shav! The adventure of getting to know you has only begun, but already you are loved deeply and passionately and permanently!

Simple Sunday - Leaving the Lights On

~ thankful for these lights that illuminate and beautify our front steps...I have admired lights like these for a long time but knew they weren't a necessity, just a desire...Jeff acquired these through the barbershop--I guess from one of his customers, although I don't remember for sure--and one day recently, he installed them...I think they look so warm and welcoming, and I appreciate so much Jeff's act of love to get them and put them in place for me!

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

~ Psalm 119:105

Small Beginnings

First, the momentous news of the day. I've achieved a significant milestone here on this blog: my 1,000th post! I still remember wondering, when I began back in January of 2007, if I would keep this up; in fact, I was fairly doubtful that I would be consistent with it. 1,000 posts later, I think it's safe to say my doubts were unfounded. :) One thing is for sure: I don't write this blog out of obligation, but only because I find it so helpful, not only in capturing moments that would otherwise slide right out of my memory, but also in sorting through thoughts and processing events. It's therapy--free, but effective, therapy. :)

One of the things that I've been doing these days (and nights!) while feeding Shav is reading back through the archives of Jolanthe's blog. I rediscovered this post in which she refers to another blog that used this verse as the verse of the month back in April of 2008. I remember being struck by this verse at the time, and today I was inspired all over again by it.

In this time of transitioning and searching for the new normal that will define our family and household, some days, including this one, feel like a one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of dance. Can't get very far like that! When I feel impatient and discouraged, I want to remember that there is nothing wrong with small beginnings...and that I, like the Lord, can rejoice to see the work begin.

Downhill Fast

Today's been a good day, pleasant in many ways. Of course, I did get to hear Tobin and Shav perfect the art of synchronized crying a time or two; but that's to be expected during this time of adjustment, I guess. Anyway, I was feeling pleased with life...until this afternoon when I started feeling an unusual amount of pain in my left breast. (Yes, I said "breast"...just keepin' it real here.) In an astonishingly short period of time, I seem to have developed a breast infection. I didn't expect this particular setback right now, especially because Shav nurses so often that I somehow thought he would keep the breast empty of milk and not susceptible to an infection. But wowsers, this hurts! Thankfully, my dad got me on an antibiotic already; and I'm planning on an early bedtime tonight. Hopefully, it won't take too long to lick this thing.

At least I've got a little sweetheart to think about and adore while I recuperate! :)

~ photo by Misty

These Incredible Boys

I love these boys so much it hurts. And recently, even through the challenges of big adjustments, high hormones, and little sleep, I've been propelled along by the deep love I have for each one of them. When I'm walking in love, it's no trouble to change Tobin's diaper...or listen to Josiah's (sometimes long-winded) stories...or let David "help" me with the laundry...or feed Shav, knowing that it's going to feel like a vise grip has latched onto a sensitive part of my body! When I forget about love, all of that can seem like drudgery; but add love and, voila!, it's a pleasure to serve them.

For me, that love connection comes more readily when I take the time to watch my boys--really observe them and notice the things about them that make them each so special. Here are some of those things that I've seen recently and then thought, "Wow, how fantastic this son of mine is!"

During the past few days, Josiah has been avidly reading a Bible in cartoon form that we have. In four days, he read the entire Old Testament in this Bible--all 500+ pages of it. He astounds me with his love of reading and his ability to read and comprehend stuff that I would have guessed would be beyond his 7 year-old self! Besides simply reading the Old Testament, he also re-enacted some of the battles from it, running around our yard with his shield and a spear (just a big pointed stick), pretending to be one of the great warriors from thousands of years ago. If you happen to drive by and wonder what in the world he's doing as he tears around our yard, stopping and starting, jabbing the air with a stick, and dodging imaginary blows from the enemy, that's the explanation. :)

Another thing about Josiah is that a few days ago, he got to spend some time at my parents' house; and when he returned, he was absolutely bubbling over with enthusiasm over some TV shows he got to watch. The shows were on--are you ready for this?--the History Channel!! :) One was about the Great Lakes, and one was about tsunamis...but to Josiah, they were simply enthralling. I hadn't seen him quite so excited about something for a while, and it made me smile to see his joy.

With David, I have noticed recently how much music is a part of his life. It seems like during the past few days, I've often caught him singing or humming random melodies; and one which particularly amused me was when I heard him singing the theme from Peter and the Wolf! When I was his age, I don't think I had any idea what Peter and the Wolf was, much less the ability to sing the theme!

I'm sure I've written about this before, but I've been reminded of what a unique position David holds in our family as a sort of bridge between Josiah and the younger boys. David is so gifted at interacting with each of his brothers. He can join in with Josiah's imaginary play, watch Star Wars with Josiah, play baseball with Josiah...but also play in the playpen with Tobin, laugh and be silly with Tobin, play with a basket of toys with Tobin...but also hold Shav, talk to Shav, kiss Shav's little head, etc. He's great at getting on the level of each of the other boys, and I'm so impressed by that.

With Tobin, I've noticed recently that the boy seems to have no fear of animals! He continues to love the real animals we have here, as well as pictures of animals in books...and interestingly, most of his language development centers around animals. For example, he'll point to a cat in a book and say a word that sounds very similar to cat (and is indeed his word for cat). When I ask, "What does a sheep say?" he'll say "Baaa." He really is interested in animals and enjoys his interactions with them.

Another thing with Tobin is that, now that he's no longer the baby, he suddenly seems to have leaped upward in his ability to be a big boy and hang with Daddy. Now, when Daddy comes around, he much prefers to be with him, it seems. When Josiah and David start wrestling with Jeff, Tobin is right there in the thick of it, loving every minute of it (even though I'm convinced he's going to get really hurt one of these days!). When Jeff is "rough" with Tobin (in a gentle way, of course), Tobin eats it up and wants more. More tickles, more roughhousing, more silliness, more Daddy! :)

And then there's Shav, with his personality still a secret to us in many ways. I will say that so far, he's been easy-going with no specific fussy time of day yet; he might still develop one, as so many babies do. He likes to eat a lot--and often :)--but he is sleeping better at night, and I know that it's just a matter of time until he lengthens the amount of time between feedings. He is a sweetheart, truly a delight to have in our family. Sometimes I look into his deep blue eyes and think, "Who are you? What are you really like? What are you thinking? Who will you become as you get older and show us your inner self?" I can hardly wait to get to know more fully the unique creation that is Shav!

The Name

I've already mentioned that my friend Misty came over last Saturday to do a photo shoot with Shav. Wanna see some of the pictures she took? ;)

I love this birth announcement that she designed!

I'm so impressed by the way Misty has developed her talent. She's the type who actually reads camera manuals and understands things like aperture. She's worked hard, practiced a lot, and it's really paying off. I'm so proud of her! :)
Of course, she did have an awfully cute model to work with, if I do say so myself! :)
This last picture has got to be one of my favorites. Of course, I look at all of them and think they're my favorite :), but really, this one draws me in a special way. His fingers, my arm supporting him, his pleasant mouth, his umbilical cord stump that proclaims his newness--but most of all, his eyes, so alert and gorgeous--all of these contribute to the beauty of this picture in my eyes. I just love it! I just love him. :)

I have a little time before Shav's next feeding so I want to spend some time writing about his name.

Way back on January 7, Jeff and I had a discussion in our living room about names; and we "decided" that if it was a boy, we would name him Shav. I noted that fact here in one of my weekly pregnancy updates, but I wasn't sure at the time if we would stick with it or not. Sure enough, in my 31 & 32 Weeks update, I wrote about the indecision we were feeling (mostly my fault) about whether to go with such an unusual name or settle for a more common one. I don't remember exactly when it was; but at some point fairly soon after that, Jeff and I independently came to the conclusion that we really preferred Shav; and when we told each other what we were thinking and discovered that we were unified, it was easy, at that point, to make the decision for sure. :)

But where did the name Shav come from? To answer that requires a trip back in time to January 1996 when I traveled to Israel to spend a semester abroad there as a student in Jerusalem. I took a teddy bear with me and named him Shav, thinking of the meaning "return" in the context of returning to my home and family and all that was known and dear to me at the end of the semester...but also the idea of someday returning again to the land of Israel. I didn't want my encounter there that semester to be the last time I ever experienced that mind-boggling, fascinating country. And so I had this teddy bear Shav, and I cuddled with him and whispered secrets to him that semester as I began to fall in love with Jeff. What a surprise that was! If someone had told me, at the beginning of that semester, that I would marry this long-beard-wearin', plaid-flannel-shirt-lovin', lumberjack-lookin' mountain man from California, I would never have believed it. And furthermore, if someone had informed me that someday I would give birth to our fourth son and name him Shav, my shock would have known no limits! Of course, to be fair, if someone had told Jeff that he would marry this country bumpkin and someday live in small town Virginia in the house behind her parents', he would have been quite incredulous, too. It's a good thing we don't know the future, but simply approach it one day at a time!!

Interestingly, Shav wasn't really a name we considered when I was pregnant with the other boys. Josiah and David were names we had chosen long, long ago; but even when we were deliberating for so very long before we decided on Tobin, we didn't talk about possibly using Shav. It was as if I had forgotten about it, tucked away somewhere in the back of my mind. Until this child... :)

I wrote here that Shav means "return, restore," and here are a few more verses that use a form of the Hebrew root for Shav in them...

Exodus 33:11 - The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent. - I have been particularly fond of this verse for years because I find it inspiring to contemplate both the depth of relationship that God had with Moses and the devotion of Joshua who did not leave the tent but stayed before the Lord.

Leviticus 25:10 - in the instructions about observing the Year of Jubilee - Consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; each one of you is to return to his family property and each to his own clan.

Deuteronomy 30:2-3 - When you and your children return to the Lord your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. - These verses are special because they include both the concept of returning and restoring.

I'm sure that among our circle of acquaintances, no one has ever heard the name Shav before. However, Jeff did a search on whitepages.com and found 14 other Shavs in the U.S., ranging from California to New York, Alabama to Washington. He even found a mention of a Shav Fisher on some website of athletic scores! So our Shav is certainly not the only one in the world, but maybe the only one you'll ever meet. ;)

For the middle name, it didn't take us too long to decide on this. In Jeff's family, the tradition is for the first son to be given the father's first name as his middle name--hence, Josiah Jeffrey. The second son gets the paternal grandfather's first name for his middle name--David Wallace. The third son's middle name is the maternal grandfather's first name (although we changed it and used my dad's middle name instead)--therefore, Tobin Ezra. And the fourth son? Well, we couldn't find a record of anyone with four sons, so there was no pattern to follow! However, we chose Daniel for a few reasons: first, Daniel Fisher was the beginning of the Fisher line in America, way back in the 1700s (I think--Jeff knows the date for sure), so it's a family name on the Fisher side...second, I had a great uncle named Daniel and also have a cousin named Daniel; and if I had been a boy, that would have been my name: Daniel Austin (Austin was my great-grandfather's name)...third, we admire tremendously the man Daniel in the Bible: for his courage and boldness, for his depth of conviction and lack of ungodly compromise, and especially for his life-long faithfulness to God. It's hard to find examples of people who were continuously faithful...much easier to find examples of people who were faithful for a while and then blew it. Obviously, we don't believe Daniel was sinless; of course, he blew it, too. But his example of serving God and holding fast to his beliefs over years and years and through various kingdoms (Babylonian, Medo-Persian) is without equal in the Bible, in my opinion.

So, Shav Daniel was the name we had in mind, not knowing if we would get to use it or not. I remember thinking in the weeks before the birth, "Will I get to have a Shav? Will God give us a son for whom we can use that name?" How happy I am that the answer was YES! :)

That David!

When Jeff brought the boys to the hospital to visit me and meet Shav soon after the birth, one of David's questions for me was, "Is there ANOTHER baby in your tummy?" I can see why he would have thought that, since this ol' stretched-out uterus didn't bounce back to its original size in the 3 hours (more or less) between the birth and David's visit. :) It's true that I still looked pregnant; and being four years old, David could get away with asking that question without causing offense. I'd better warn him before he asks his future wife that, soon after their first child is born; she might not take it so well! :)

Yesterday, David's question to me was, "When is another baby going to grow in your tummy?" Jeff and I just looked at each other, shook our heads, and laughed. We're in no rush, David Dear; that's for sure! But apparently, David is...because he then announced, "I want it to be a boy, and I think it's a boy!" which is in contrast to the "I want it to be a boy, but I think it's a girl" line that he repeated throughout this pregnancy. Ah, charming David--so blissfully ignorant of the realities of life and reproduction! :)

~ David, devoted big brother, cuddling with Shav earlier today

Shav's Story, Part Three

One week already.

Somehow seven days have passed since that glorious Monday morning when Shav entered our world and we saw his sweet face. Already I can't imagine life without him. (For a precious picture of him, check out Misty's site.)

Maybe tonight I'll have time to finish his birth story, but first (and I realize I'm jumping ahead in the story) here are a few pictures from our arrival at home from the hospital just after noon last Tuesday. The Sacras had taken Josiah and David on a trip to a small zoo in a town not too far away; a group from our church was going, and I was so grateful that the big boys got to go along, too, and have that fun event to keep them occupied on that day. When we got home, Tobin was the only brother around to greet us...and greet us he did--with lots of excited curiosity and hands-on love for Shav! :) I'm so glad these boys get to grow up together; I can just imagine the crazy adventures they'll have with each other. Built-in best buddies. :)

Back to the story...

When the midwife Tammy came in to check my dilation, she announced that I was 6 centimeters dilated. That was good, I guess; but I was wishing that I was further along. The fact that I wasn't at, say, a 10, made me convinced that an epidural was the path for me! Before I could get it though, I had to get a certain amount of IV liquid in me...and before that could happen, someone had to stick my veins. Well, someone tried (I think it was Debbie, our very nice main nurse, who tried first), and that someone failed after rooting around with the needle in the back of my hand for what seemed like forever. I was in the bed at this time, trying to deal with contractions, and knowing that if I watched the goings-on in my hand, I'd feel even worse. So I very consciously didn't look at what the nurse was doing...but oh, I could feel it! Jeff finally told the poor nurse that I'm always a hard stick because my veins tend to roll, and that, with Tobin's birth, a few people had to try to stick me before one was successful. She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and gave up trying, then went to fetch another nurse. I think the other nurse (I have no idea who she was because I was trying to block all of this out) tried in my opposite hand...and tried...and tried. No success. And in all of this, it wasn't as if they put the needle in, saw that they missed, then took it completely out before trying again. No, it was put the needle in, push on the vein, push on the needle, dig around some more, squeeze and tug, try valiantly to make some connection between needle and vein--all while the needle was in my arm! Part of the time, I couldn't figure out which hurt worse: the gouging I was getting with the needle or the contractions! I was praying like crazy that God would help somebody find a vein! Finally, Ann Swartz the Brave, Ann Swartz the Skillful, Ann Swartz the Wonderful, Ann Swartz with the Delightful English Accent, Ann Swartz the Commander of Veins and Other Things, swept into the room for her turn at my vein. We have known Ann for a long time; and when her children were young, my mother spent time in their home, helping Ann. It was GREAT to have Ann with us, and especially wonderful because--guess what?--she found a vein!!! She tried a vein in my right arm, rather than my hand; and somehow she was successful. So the IV got started, and the fluid required for an epidural started dripping into my veins, and the nurses put a blood pressure cuff around the IV bag to speed it up, and the anesthesiologist was right next door and soon would come to give me an epidural, right? RIGHT???

One more thing about Ann: she wasn't assigned to me, and I think (but I could be wrong) she even asked the head nurse if she could come in and help me but was told no. However, when she heard the noise coming from my room, apparently she just decided to come in anyway because she knew I needed help! I sure appreciated Ann's strong will. :)

During this whole process, I KNEW I was progressing in my dilation. What I was feeling did NOT feel like a 6, but I was bound and determined not to open my mouth and tell someone for fear that they would check me and find I was too far along for an epidural, and doggone it, I WANTED THAT EPIDURAL. I was so frustrated--not at any particular nurse--but just because I have these hard-to-stick veins, and I could just see, as the minutes ticked by, my dream of a happy, laughing, I-don't-feel-a-thing birth fading into dust.

Even though I didn't say a word, Tammy did indeed check me and, no big surprise, said I was "complete." I dilated to 10, went through transition and everything, flat on my back in the bed, being poked and prodded by needles. That was the WORST! I did get to try out a new breathing pattern though: the "Oh, Lord, oh, Lord, oh, Lord, oh, Lord" pattern. :) One time, Ann got in my face and helped me to focus as she suggested a certain other pattern of breathing. I actually appreciated her being so forceful and in-my-face, but I didn't really get the hang of what she was telling me. Jeff said I did it for a few seconds, and that was it! I do remember at one point, I was saying, "Ha...ha...ha...ha...ha..."--all these strong "ha's". Whatever works, right? :)

Well, after Tammy checked me, since I was ready to push, I got up out of bed because I didn't want to lie there a single minute longer. They had brought the birthing stool which I had found so beneficial when giving birth to Tobin, but I didn't want to sit on it this time. I only wanted to stand, so I did, holding onto Jeff in a slow-dance position (he even joked that he didn't realize he was going to get to dance with me!) and leaning my weight on him. I'm sure he got tired--he asked me several times if I wanted to sit down :)--but I just wanted to stand there with him. This was the amazing part. After all the commotion and angst of the previous who-knows-how-many-minutes, I felt much more calm and focused and centered inward and in control. I was COMPLETELY oblivious to what else was going on in the room. Jeff told me later that there were a bunch of people in the room, and he didn't know who they were. One of them, we found out later, was Dr. Cassidy who needed to be there to watch because Tammy was still finishing up her training or preliminary period of midwifery or something. But like they always say, once you hit that stage, a marching band could go through your room, and you wouldn't care. So true!

Besides feeling calmer, I was also quieter. I can't remember who, but someone else made a comment afterwards about being out in the hall and hearing the noise and knowing by it that I was going through transition or fully dilated or whatever. Maybe it was Tammy...I don't remember...but someone said that. I guess I was kind of noisy. :) But when it came time to get up and push, I wasn't so noisy. I held onto Jeff, clenching his shirt, clawing his back :), and drew a lot of strength from him.

One funny (not funny to me at the time, but later) thing that happened is that as Shav was crowning, I felt the burning stretch of that and was sure that the midwife had her hands on me, trying to stretch me. If you've given birth, you know that they do that sometimes: trying to stretch you as the baby makes its way out so that you don't tear. I did NOT like that feeling, and I made some comment about it, either asking her to take her hands off or telling her I didn't like it or something. She was actually sitting behind me on the bed (unusual for the midwife to be on the bed and the new mother to be standing up!), and she said something like, "I'm not touching you!" She wasn't either; it was just the baby's head...but I thought for sure it was her. :)

One of the specific prayers I had prayed leading up to the birth is that pushing would be less than 10 minutes. To me, that was almost preposterous to expect that, especially since pushing had been 2 and 1/2 hours with Josiah, 1 and 1/2 hours with David, and 30 minutes with Tobin. But I did pray that prayer and was eager to see how God would work. Once I got to the pushing stage, everything got really fuzzy for me: I knew it didn't take very long, but I had to ask Jeff later how long it really was because I just wasn't sure. He said it was definitely under 10 minutes and, in fact, was just 2 pushes. I think he's right--not just because he's my husband, and I believe him :)--but also because I remember pushing soon after I stood up, then taking a break and just standing fairly calmly waiting for the next urge to come, and then pushing again.

And then...glory of glories...the baby was born!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I had tried to imagine the birth in the days preceding, I had anticipated focusing my thoughts during that stage on whether it was a boy or a girl. In reality, I wasn't thinking about that at all. I do remember that immediately after the birth, someone announced that it was a boy; but who that someone was, I have no idea--maybe Tammy? She caught the baby, then passed him to the front of me to the arms of a nurse (I think?) who then put him directly into my arms. I found myself chanting, "Thank You, God...thank You, God...thank You, God...thank You, God..." over and over and over; I couldn't stop saying that. Someone helped me lay back on the bed, and I was relieved to hold Shav on my chest in that position because I was afraid I might drop him when I was standing up. Oh, the silly thoughts we have in those times! :)

I felt such relief...such joy...such exultation...such love. How can I even put it into words? All I could do was repeat, "thank You, God," and cry as I received the indescribably precious gift of our little Shav from the Father's hands.

Simple Sunday - Dedication

~ thankful for the parent-child dedication we participated in this morning...when we planned it, we didn't realize Shav would only be 6 days old!...but no matter how young or how old our children are, it is a special thing to consciously dedicate them to God and feel the support of the community of faith as we raise our sons

~ Shav slept like a champ through the whole thing

~ my dad got the privilege of walking Shav around to show him to the congregation

~ many thanks to Julie for taking these pictures! :)

Pictures of Shav

Today the dam of self-control and reserve broke, and the river of tears flowed freely. From 5:00 AM this morning until not too long ago (actually, now), I have cried often and long--more tears in one day than I can remember shedding for a long, long time. I knew this would come. I remember how I am after giving birth, and always I reach a point of needing to release some hormones through my tear ducts. :) I'm actually a little surprised that I didn't reach this point earlier in the week, and I'm not overly alarmed by how I was feeling today. That's one of the glorious things of having given birth three times previously: I have a healthier perspective on the aftermath, and I realize that truly "this too shall pass." Still, it's no fun to cry all day long.

Everyone who spoke kindly to me today opened the faucet and made the tears flow again. If people had just ignored me or not been so nice, it would have been easier to keep my emotions in check! But no, they had to go and be sensitive to my feelings: all the way from Jeff rubbing my shoulder this morning as I cried in bed...to my mom showing up this morning to help with the boys while Jeff went to work for a few hours...to Jeff calling from work just to check on me and tell me he loved me...to Julie Sacra calling to ask about a camera battery charger, of all things; I thought I might get through that conversation matter-of-factly without giving in to tears, but when she asked me how Shav slept last night, I was doomed!...to Wilma dropping by this evening, asking me how I was, and not being content with the "fine" answer I threw out but knowing from her own recent birth experience that I needed to cry. All these people! They're just too kind. :)

Anyway, before I cry so much that the tears fall on my laptop and ruin it, let me simply skip to some pictures of our sweet little Shav. These were taken in the hospital, shortly before we left.

With Josiah, the river of tears began as I dressed him to take home from the hospital; but with Shav, I was all smiles as I got to do this dear ritual.Ready to go home...

Oh, what's this? What's coming? It's a...a...

...HUGE yawn (not the shriek it looks like might be coming from his mouth!). I think yawning babies are so cute. :)

Speaking of pictures of Shav, our friend Misty is building her portfolio in preparation for kicking off her photography business. She has learned so much, and it's been fun to see the recent pictures she's taken of her littlest one, born in June. When Misty asked if she could come and take pictures of Shav, I certainly didn't want to stand in her way. :) We were honored to have her come this afternoon and take tons of pictures, and I can hardly wait to see how they turned out! It's a good thing though that she was taking still pictures, not a movie, because with photographs you can't hear my tear-drenched voice in the background. :)

Not only did she do a photo shoot, she also brought us a yummy dinner! We've been blessed by the dear friends who have provided for us in that way. Already we've been treated to home-cooked meals by Janel E. and Donna B. as well as Misty tonight; and all the meals have been so delicious. We are well-supported as we walk this path of parenting four children; and if my friends have to occasionally deal with my tears, I guess they won't mind. :)

I'm really hoping, however, that the flow of tears was sufficient today so that tomorrow can be dry! :)

Shav's Story, Part Two

This second installment of Shav's birth story is brought to you by...

...a wonderful little invention called a pacifier. Thanks to this modern marvel of plastic and rubber (or whatever they make pacifiers out of these days!), we have had a better day--and I'm hopeful that it will continue into the night. Hope is a good feeling; it energizes me and convinces me to spend some time writing. :) This picture is of Shav earlier today in the bouncy seat, his first time with a pacifier. He liked it. So did we. :)

For the first part of Shav's birth story, click here. The story continues...

We had a plan for childcare for our older boys, of course. We knew that when I went into labor, my dad was our first option, providing he wasn't working at the time. The second option was Julie Sacra, and the third one was our neighbor Wilma. When my water broke Monday morning, we knew my dad wouldn't be able to keep the boys because his office hours were starting soon; and out of the whole month of July, basically the only time that didn't suit Julie was that Monday morning because she was going to the airport to pick up her daughter Kate who was returning from Israel. Ironic that of all days, Shav would be born that day at that time! So when Jeff got home that morning, he turned to our third option, Wilma, and called over to their house. No answer. Hmmm...what to do now? He decided to call one of our friends from church; but when he dialed their number, there was no answer there either. It was still early in the morning after all, before most people would be calling--or answering their phones, I suppose. Fortunately, not too much later, Wilma called over here and asked, "Did you call?" When she heard what was going on, she said, "Give me 10 or 15 minutes, and I'll be right over!" She herself just gave birth last month, so we had not originally thought that she would be available to help with the boys this time; but she had urged us in the days before the birth to use her if needed. She arrived with coffee cup in hand, a smile on her face, and sympathy in her heart for me since she could relate all too well with what I was going through, having just done it herself! :)

I knew that Ann had been the midwife on call over the weekend, but I didn't know who was on call that day. When I called the hospital and had the midwife on duty paged, it was Ann that I talked to; but since she was going off duty at 8:00 AM, it was unlikely that she would be the one to deliver! She told me that Tammy would be on duty, assisted by Donna (since Tammy is in the last stages of her training); and I was so glad that I had just seen Tammy for my latest office visit since I had not connected with her for quite a while before that. Even though I had been looking forward to Ann delivering my baby (because surely I would give birth sometime that weekend, right?!) since I had heard from a friend that Ann was great during deliveries, I felt fine about having Tammy and Donna. At that point, I really didn't care who delivered the baby! :)

The boys were still asleep when we left, and we let them sleep (although I really wanted to give them all a big hug and kiss before we departed!). I heard later that when Josiah woke up, he came to the top of the stairs, looked down and saw Wilma's bonnet lying on the toy chest in the living room, and immediately knew what was going on--that Jeff and I were at the hospital and the baby would be born soon--even before he actually saw Wilma or talked with her. :) I also heard later that before he went to the office to start work, Dad walked up here to check on things; and while here, he and Josiah and David sat together on the bench in the kitchen and prayed for us. In that prayer, David apparently prayed specifically for his baby brother (although, of course, he didn't know at the time whether it was indeed a brother or perhaps a sister)! :)

Just like when Tobin was born, we rode to the hospital in Mom and Dad's car with a towel on the front passenger seat for me to catch any leaky amniotic fluid. I'm not sure if Jeff or Mom drove the car up to our house to load me, but it amused me that (like with Tobin's birth) he or she drove the car right up to our front door, rather than park on the driveway and let me walk down the steps to it. :) This is a picture my dad took from his back porch that morning, looking up towards our house shortly before we left...

...and this one, although blurry because we were moving, shows us ready to pull onto route 33 and head east to the hospital (this was about 7:00 AM, by the way). See the big smiles on our faces?! :)

One more thing I don't want to forget about that short amount of time at home: when Jeff got home, he gave me a hug and just held me for a minute. We were both excited and emotional, and seeing that in Jeff made me love and cherish him even more. He's always been that way with our births: always very involved, never acting like "gee, I wish this were over so I could go back to watching the game," always willing to let his emotions come forth. I can't imagine a better birth partner!

On the way to the hospital, I was having contractions and still trying to ignore them but also feeling pulled by pain and fear (although it was really a pleasant, happy ride overall). By the time we got there and were walking from the parking lot across the street to the emergency room entrance where we had been instructed to go, I was saying that unless I was at the end of labor and things happened really quickly, I wanted an epidural. After all, I've given birth naturally before...I didn't feel the need to prove myself...and for pete's sake, why couldn't I actually enjoy giving birth this time around like those other women I hear about who tell jokes during labor and laugh during transition, all thanks to a little thing called an epidural??? :) Somewhere along the way, Jeff mentioned that we hadn't really talked about whether I wanted him to encourage me to have a natural birth or not; but he was supportive of whatever I wanted and I didn't feel pressure from him to go one way or the other.

Anyway, we checked in, I got the lovely wheelchair ride up the elevator and into Family BirthPlace, we happened to see our friend Jewel Yoder (who is a labor and delivery nurse) just as she was finishing her shift and leaving. As nice as it was to see her, it would have been nice to have her during labor (or one of the other women we know who works in labor and delivery)...but oh well, that's not something you can plan! It still made me glad to see her. :)

We got to our room (322), and I got to do the lovely "leave a urine sample, put on this hospital gown" routine that's starting to feel familiar. One thing that made me sort of laugh during this time is that a nurse came in with some kind of test to do to see if it was really amniotic fluid that I had been leaking. As if anything else would have gushed out of me like that did! :) I understand that the medical personnel just have to follow standard procedures; but my goodness, did she think I was lying to her? :) The "stick" she was holding had to turn blue if it was amniotic fluid, and it did--quickly and definitely!

My memory of the chronology of events starts to get a little fuzzy at this point. Not too long after we got to the hospital, Starla called from the barbershop and wanted an update; that was long before there was anything to report, but she didn't want to miss anything! I sat in a rocking chair for a while, sucked on ice chips that Jeff spooned into my mouth, appreciated the cool breeze generated by my mother fanning me with my great-grandmother's woven fan (and worried that my mother's arms would get too tired from all the fanning!), listened to the reassuring sound of the baby's heartbeat, and dealt with contractions. I also remember telling Jeff at one point that I was feeling fearful. I knew that was making the pain more difficult, but it was hard to mentally get on top of that big ugly cloud of fear. When the nurse asked me for the first time what level pain I was having, I think I said either 3 or 4, which seemed to surprise Jeff (because he thought my pain looked more intense than that); but as I explained to him, you have to start low so you have somewhere to go on their 1-10 scale!

My "timer" is awake and needs to eat, so that's all for now. More later...