31 Weeks...32 Weeks...

32 weeks and "really sticking out there," to quote my dad :) ...photo taken Saturday evening at Wildwood Park

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens," or "these are a few of my (current) favorite things:"

~ sleeveless maternity shirts

~ maternity capris

~ cool showers (I always start with warm water, but as the shower progresses, I make the water cooler and cooler, and it's so refreshing)

~ anyone who will paint my toenails for me (like my friend Claire did while they were here this past weekend) :)

~ fresh fruit with milk (actually, this is a constant favorite of mine, but we are entering the season of some of my very favorite fruits, and that's exciting...last weekend, for the first time this year, we got fresh strawberries from our neighbor-across-the-way, and they were delightful!)

~ watching my belly move as the baby kicks and squirms (this is an active baby!)

~ turning the calendar to June and then July and seeing the writing on it decrease drastically as I gradually clear my schedule to make way for the arrival of our newest Fisher (I love the focus that comes to me as a birth approaches...it's the easiest time of life to say no to obligations and requests...I can lay it all aside and simply be a new mother...well, a new mother and an "old" mother to three other children and a wife to an incredible man, but not all the other hats that I usually wear...I'll have to pick them up again eventually, but for a short window of time, I'm mostly an expectant mom, then a woman giving birth, then a new mom with a precious brand new baby who needs me in ways that the whole world understands and respects)

Fun stuff aside, here is what is not my favorite thing right now: deciding on a boy's name. I'm agonizing so much over this that I actually wish we had found out whether we're having a son or a daughter, just so I would know for sure whether I even have to think about this or not!!! The girl's name is easy, of course; we've had it picked for about 7 years. :) The boy's name is another story. I don't know why it's so hard for me to decide. Jeff is much more easy-going about it all, so I take all the blame for the hardship of this choice. Basically, it comes down to a choice between a Hebrew word that no one in our American circle of friends and family would ever have heard of before but which appeals to me because of the sound and the meaning and uniqueness of it...OR a much more common name which also appeals to me because of the sound and the meaning, especially the Bible story that it comes from. Which one to choose? Unique or common? Strange or normal? Stand out from the crowd or blend in? Deal with questions his whole life about his name or never have to explain anything about it? Take a risk or go the easy route?

Obviously, my name is unique; and I've always gotten questions about it. "What did you say your name is? How do you spell that? How do you pronounce it? Where did that come from? Your dad's name is Dave, right? (It's not.) He must have wanted you to be a boy!" My name has been misspelled, mispronounced, misunderstood more times than I can count. Once, when I was being introduced as part of the starting line-up in a high school basketball game, the announcer even messed up my name and introduced me as "Divine." :) But all of that doesn't bother me, and I wouldn't trade my name for any other. I've always loved it, especially the uniqueness of it. So why am I so reluctant now to put my son in that position?

I must be driving Jeff crazy with the way I change my mind every single day about the name. One day I'll be content with the "normal" name, the next I'll be willing to step out on a limb and use the uncommon one. And then, the following day, I'll be determined to find a different name, something that's the perfect blend of unique but not too weird. I'll beg Jeff to suggest some names; and when he does, I'll shoot them all down. (Last night he suggested "Seth," and Josiah and David jumped on the bandwagon for that one because it sounds like "Sith" from Star Wars. The Siths were bad guys in Star Wars, for pete's sake, but they still wanted that name! It's a great name, despite the mental connection to Star Wars; but I just can't go for it.) Then I'll say, "Can't you come up with some names?" And he'll say, "I did, but you vetoed them all!" And I'll say, "You did? What were they?" He must think I'm nuts. He just might be right. ;)

Coming up with Tobin's name was difficult, too; but Jeff was the one who found "Tobin" (the perfect blend, in my opinion, of unique but not weird); and by 30 weeks, we had a solid decision. Here we are at 32 and 1/2 weeks, still deliberating. What are we going to do??? If I knew that it's a boy, I would know that we have to decide soon. If I knew it's a girl, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Why, oh why, didn't we find out? :)

Actually, despite all my mental anguish, I'm still quite happy that we didn't find out. I love how this is God's secret. I love how the anticipation is building. I love imagining that moment when the baby is born, and the identity is finally revealed. I don't think there will be anything like it--each birth is special beyond words, of course, but each in its own way--this one, however, has an even greater amount of excitement built into it. I can hardly wait. ;)

Some technical stuff: at my appointment last Wednesday, my weight had bounced up to 171 pounds (I'll attribute that to the way Jeff's mom stuffed us with all kinds of delicious goodies while we were in California), my blood pressure was a little higher than it had been (138 over something), the uterus measurement was only 30 (I think it was 30...it "should have" been 31 and 1/2 to correspond with the week of pregnancy), and the baby's heartbeat was about 135. Barbara was the midwife that I saw, and she said that all week she had been seeing girl babies with low heartbeats and boy babies with high heartbeats so she didn't have any confidence in the heart rate as an indicator of gender. When she checked the heartbeat, the baby kicked and squirmed; and she explained that the baby actually "hears" the signals that are being sent from her little machine. It stimulates the baby--maybe by "tickling" the sensitive parts of the ear (or something like that, I can't remember exactly what she said)--and although it's not harmful at all to the baby, it kind of annoys him/her, resulting in extra kicks and punches to get that machine to go away! That was new info to me.

I have been so grateful for how good I continue to feel. In general, I have energy, zest, enthusiasm for life. My aches and pains are minimal. I feel so blessed! Ironically, not two minutes before my knee suddenly and painfully went crazy on me last Thursday, I was thinking about how glad--and surprised--I am to still be feeling good since I actually expected to have hit the "I wish this was over" stage already. And then--boom!--there went my knee! I know the Bible says that pride goes before a fall; but I really thought I was feeling grateful, not prideful! Maybe there was secret pride in my heart, and I needed to be humbled. I was humbled, all right. It reminded me of how, in an instance, so much can change.

Last, but not least tonight, here is a video that I first saw on Crystal's blog. I found it very inspiring as I contemplate taking a step backward and doing the night feeding/newborn crying/hundreds more diapers/spit-up on me routine yet again. I do this, not only because of the deep love I already feel for this tiny one; but even more, I do it for the Lord. This is worship. Messy worship, yes. But true worship nevertheless.

One final note: David has an appointment with Dr. Alexiou next Thursday afternoon to check the lump in his neck. THANK YOU to those of you who are praying for him. Your support means the world to me!