Thursday, September 17, 2009

I'm Not Very Good at...

...asking for help. When life wells up and threatens to overwhelm me, I have a very turtle-esque approach: hunker down, withdraw inside my shell, and let the rest of the world go right on by. The only people, in fact, that I feel any measure of comfort in calling on for help are Jeff and my parents (like I did this morning when I asked my mother if she wouldn't love to have three little boys come to her house for a few hours...or like I did this evening when she asked whether there was anything else she could do for me, and I said, "Well, there's a load of clothes in the dryer that needs to be folded...").

I am, however, getting much better at receiving help when it is offered. Fortunately for my state of mind (and the well-being of my whole family), help came calling sometime after 8:00 this morning when the phone rang and it was our friend Julia Alleman, asking if she could do something for us: make dinner, do laundry, entertain the boys, help me with some music organizational stuff I'm doing for our church, etc. After I swallowed my pride--and the lump in my throat brought on by the old familiar rush of postpartum emotions which comes on the strongest when someone is kind to me--I agreed that she could bring us dinner and take some of our laundry home with her (some sheets to be washed and hung outside tomorrow to dry). She arrived later in the day with a delicious dinner (the homemade bread and rhubarb preserves was my favorite, evidenced by the fact that I had no less than three slices) and a walker for Tobin. He took to it right away, propelling himself all over the driveway--first, backwards, and then before too long, he figured out how to go forwards. I really think this will help to build his confidence, and--who knows?--he might even learn to really walk before he reaches his second birthday! ;) Between the help from my mother and from Julia, this day that started so gloomily ended considerably brighter.


It's been a while since afternoon quiet time turned into QUIET time, but it happened again today. When I didn't hear a noise coming from either Josiah or David, I tiptoed around the house to peek at them and found Josiah sound asleep in the living room (and it's so funny to me to think that the blue pillow he's resting his head on is the same Boppy pillow I used when I nursed him as an infant...from such a tiny little thing who wasn't even as long as the Boppy to this tall boy who stretches from one end of the loveseat to the other!)...
...and found David asleep in Josiah's bed, his arm clutched around a blue unicorn one of the boys won at the fair last month.
I didn't open the door and go in Tobin's room to take a picture of him, but I know from his silence that he was sleeping soundly, too.

The only one awake in the house, besides me, was this little cutie...
...just hanging out on my bed while I folded and put away laundry. So much for synchronized naptimes! But in all honesty, I treasure the one-on-one time that I get with sweet Shav so I was glad that he kept me company this afternoon.

Speaking of Shav, for the first time today, I saw him sucking his thumb! During the past few weeks, he has often gnawed on his fist but hasn't seemed to be able to get his thumb to uncurl enough to suck solely on it. But today, while I was changing his diaper, he got just his thumb in his mouth. I'm cautiously optimistic that if he gets better at finding his thumb, he'll become a pro at self-soothing and will henceforth sleep much longer stretches at night, even (soon) beginning to sleep through the night. That will change so much as far as how I feel and how I view life.

But maybe, just maybe, before then, I'll learn to be humble enough to actually ask for help.


chicknboy said...

like you, I have a really hard time just accepting help, let alone asking for it! glad you were able to accept it today.

the pics of the boys sleeping are precious!

Misty said...

I have an incredibly hard time asking for help as well! Which is especially difficult when you live hours away from any sort of family!But practice makes perfect they say so maybe we should start practicing :)