16 Weeks...

16 weeks and 2 days pregnant, with David Dear by my side to help you see how big my tummy is now...Josiah took this picture all by himself, by the way :)
This week of pregnancy started off with a bang--the kind of bang that leaves you hugging the toilet at midnight, wondering why in the world it's called "morning sickness," and realizing again why Josiah, every time he throws up, screams as if the world is ending. If I wasn't 32 years old, I might have been tempted to scream a little, too. At 16 weeks pregnant, I thought for sure I'd be done with all this unpleasantness; but no, I needed a little reminder of what reality is like for so many pregnant women. Once again, I thank God that in all my pregnancies, I've gotten off easy in the nausea department.

The next big event of this week came later that day, although this was decidedly more positive: I was certain that I felt fetal movement. Actually, I've known in a vague way that I've been feeling the baby for a week or two now; but on Saturday, while I was walking across the kitchen, I felt something that made me stop and think, "That HAD to be the baby." The best word I can think of to describe the way these early movements are feeling to me is "quivering."

Here's a random thought I've been having the past few days...I think this baby will be smaller than Tobin (who was 8 pounds, 14 ounces at birth). I have no idea why I think that, but I decided to note it here so that I can either look back after the birth and say, "I was right!" or "Ha ha ha, how silly of me to think I would have a smaller one!"

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend from church; and we got into the familiar boy-or-girl conversation. We agreed, of course, that either would be just fine; and my friend told me that with hers, she didn't care one way or the other AS LONG AS IT WAS HEALTHY. (I'm going to climb up on my soapbox now, so watch out.) It amazes me that the vast majority of people--Christians!--who would never say, "We'll only be happy if it's a girl," or "We know God will bless us with a boy," don't hesitate a second to say, "It doesn't matter to us what our child is, as long as it is healthy." What??? Do we only trust God for the gender of our child, but not for his/her state of health? Would we only accept a healthy child from the Lord, but not one who was sick or handicapped? Do we feel like either a boy or a girl is a blessing, but a physically or mentally impaired one is not? Are we so accustomed to hearing this sentiment expressed that it no longer raises the hackles on our necks? No wonder 85-90% of Down Syndrome babies are aborted! (This article from the New York Times says 90%.) With a percentage that high, I think it's safe to assume that some of those mothers choosing to abort are "Christians."

It's not that Jeff and I particularly want a handicapped child. It's not that I feel full of courage when I think about the prospect of raising a special needs child. It's not that we're asking for one. We are, however, asking for God to give us whatever He knows is best for us--be it boy, girl, healthy, sick, autistic, Down Syndrome, hole in the heart, missing a limb, etc. With gratitude and joy, we receive from God's hand whatever He reaches out to give to us.

With all these thoughts swirling in my head, I was particularly moved by these words from The Release of the Spirit by Watchman Nee (a book that Jeff just finished reading and recommended to me):
Oh, we must realize that all the experiences, troubles and trials which the Lord sends us are for our highest good. We cannot expect the Lord to give better things, for these are His best. Should one approach the Lord and pray, saying, "Oh, Lord, please let me choose the best?" I believe the Lord would tell him, "What I have given you is the best; your daily trials are for your greatest profit."

I'll climb down from my soapbox now, but pity the next person who remarks to me, "As long as it's healthy, right?" They just might get an earful!!! :)

Last night as I was reading back through the archives of Kate's blog, I saw this video she had shared. It brought me to tears--ah, no big surprise there!--but I wanted to include it here to share again the wonder that I feel as I go through my days, part of the miracle of new life that God is doing. To be a partner with him in the act of creation is beyond expression. I am unbelievably blessed.