In Moments Like These

~ When my firstborn, who tends to be somewhat of a perfectionist, is in tears because he can't get the C# in the first line of his violin piece "O Come Little Children" to not squeak...and...

~ When my second child is asking me, for the 581st time, where his airplane is, and all I can tell him is "I don't know. You were playing with it in the living room before lunch; but since then I haven't seen it or touched it so I DON'T KNOW,"...and...

~ When my third child is stuck halfway up the stairs because he knows how to go up by himself but refuses to learn how to go down...and...

~ When my youngest FINALLY fell asleep in my arms after having a very fussy day, crying his little heart out every time I put him in his crib, decorating his clothes and mine (and the kitchen floor) with explosive spit-up (squash, mostly), and just generally refusing any comfort except being held...and...

~ When the telephone just started ringing...

In moments like these, when all this craziness is happening simultaneously, I have a variety of thoughts:

~ This is so HARD. Why can't I slide into this mother-of-four role as smoothly as I've slid into other roles--the wife role, for instance?

~ Compared to what millions of people are facing all around the world (especially in Haiti), this is NOTHING. How dare I complain?

~ How can I be so immeasurably blessed, but at the same time so weighed down by my perceived difficulties?

~ I'm worried about Shav. Is he just teething, or is something more serious going on with him?

~ Jesus, are You here? Here on this couch, with small boys climbing all over me? Here when I feel like I can't even get a breath--literally and figuratively? Is this ground holy enough for You? Will You meet me here in the land of poopy diapers?

~ Of course, You will. Thank You for that!

And the thought that came back over and over to me today:

~ All I have to do is love these boys. I don't really have to do laundry today...or make sure the puzzle pieces on the floor of the big boys' room get picked up...or revamp the boys' job charts...or teach Josiah anything about the state of North Carolina...or work on potty training with Tobin...or wade my way through the pile of paperwork on the white table on the porch...or even shine my sink. All I have to do is love them.

And I do. Love them, that is. So, so much.