One Month Ago

One month ago, I was having a miscarriage. On December 18, I was sitting in a doctor's office, waiting for my blood to be drawn to check my hcg levels. The waiting room of an OB-GYN's office is not a pleasant place to be when going through a miscarriage. Every picture on the wall of an ultrasound or a newborn reminded me of my fresh loss. Every pregnant woman who groaned from her aches made me want to say, "Stop complaining about that precious gift that you're carrying, and start being grateful. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat!"

As I left the office that day, I could feel the wall of pain around my heart begin to crumble; and I wanted to rest my head somewhere and let the tears escape. But I couldn't. I had to go to my friend Julie's house to pick up my boys; then go with them to the hospital to visit my dad who was being monitored there for a heart condition; then go home to fix dinner and carry on with the rest of my regular routine. The tears stayed inside for that day.

Now, one month later, I can say with amazement: what a difference a month makes! God has been so good to me this month, giving comfort to my heart and pouring hope all over me. I remember the first night that I felt hope again, and I realized I was actually looking forward to the possibility of conceiving again. Instead of fear, I felt excitement and a determination to trust God through anything that might happen. Most of all, I knew that I wanted to enjoy every second of a future pregnancy just as much as I enjoyed this last one. I don't want to let fear rob me of one little iota of happiness.

I realized how healed I was when the phone rang recently, and it was a very good friend of mine, calling to tell me that she's pregnant. I was simply overjoyed for her and felt nothing but happiness and excitement and every other kind of good emotion. There was not even a tinge of self-pity or sadness in my heart when I heard her news. God is so faithful to care for His children, and I feel His grace poured out on me in overflowing measure!