7 Weeks

I've made it to 7 weeks, 2 days; and I'm feeling hope--what a sweet sensation! When I miscarried before Tobin's pregnancy, I was 7 and 1/2 weeks along when I found out for sure that we were going to lose that baby; but I had been having danger signs for a number of days before that so it wasn't such a huge shock. I know that with this pregnancy, getting past 7 weeks is no "magic sign," indicating that all will go well in the future; but admittedly, there is an emotional sense of relief that comes from passing this milestone. I've had a few days of anxiety--most notably, last Monday when my fear made me a very unpleasant person to live with. I didn't like who I was on that day. Since then, things have seemed easier and my emotions more in balance, making life much better not only for me, but also those around me!

When I shared my concern last Monday with Jeff and my parents, they all encouraged me to take yet another pregnancy test (since I happened to have a few unused ones lying around!) for the reassurance that would provide. Before they even suggested that, I had done so. :) This one was an immediate and strong "YES" which was so nice to see after the vague, yeah-maybe-you-have-some-pregnancy-hormones-in-your-body tests that the first three turned out to be. For memory's sake, here is a picture I had taken a few weeks ago of those nebulous three, along with number 4 that was clear. I haven't taken a picture of number 5, but the fact that I felt the need to do 5 pregnancy tests made me wonder if any woman ever does just one. :)
Not surprisingly, the question, "Are you hoping for a girl?" has come up already. My answer hasn't changed since I was pregnant with Tobin! But it did catch me off guard recently when a friend from church asked, "Are you hoping for a..." and I "knew" she was going to say girl...but she said, "BOY?" Then I remembered that she, a mother of three girls, has said several times that she would quickly be ready to have another baby if she could guarantee that it was a girl. Since she would love to have four of the same gender, she assumed I would want the same. It made me smile. :) (The other comment that surprised me recently was when someone asked, "So are you going to get your tubes tied after this?" I wasn't offended, since it came from someone close to me, but I did think it was funny.)

Speaking of gender, Josiah has declared that he wants another brother so they can wrestle. :) I think the last thing David said was that he would like a sister, but I expect his answer to change regularly between now and when we find out! Very early on, Jeff had a dream that we had identical twin girls; and he energetically woke me out of a deep sleep, asking, "What do you think of twin girls???" as if we were choosing the make and model of a car we had decided to order. In his dream, their names were Megan and ______ (the girl name we've had chosen FOREVER); and they were as opposite as night and day. If one liked pink, the other chose blue. If one thought it was cold, the other was sure it was hot. And so on and so on... We'll wait and see if his dream was prophetic or not (his dream very early in my 3rd pregnancy apparently was; he dreamed I had a miscarriage--but didn't tell me that until after I had it--and, consequently, his heart was prepared for that eventual reality); but oh dear, I'm not sure what I'll do if it's true! ;)

One of the thoughts I've had during this pregnancy is, "But I've just done this!" Tobin's pregnancy is still so near in time and in memory that I haven't forgotten the more uncomfortable parts of the process. When I think too much about the future, I grow concerned. I have to remind myself OFTEN to simply take life one day at a time. Over and over I tell myself that this tiny baby isn't taking any additional time--yet. Life can just go along like normal, and I can devote my time to my regular duties, and nothing has changed that. I'm really not sure if that's exactly true, particularly when I consider the fatigue-of-early-pregnancy factor; but it's comforting to pretend that's true anyway. And I do think it's mostly true!

The best quote I've heard recently about pregnancy fatigue is from my friend Julie by way of my friend Misty's blog: it's like having liquid sleep running through your veins. So true, and I've learned by now that if I merely sit for three minutes or so--especially on our couch by the woodstove--I will have a nearly irresistible urge to fall asleep.

Other than that, I'm feeling well with only slight feelings of "uh, my stomach doesn't feel very good." I'm learning again that keeping some food in my stomach helps to chase those feelings away, so I'm in the grazing mode. So far today, I've had three meals with one snack in between. I've given up weighing myself consistently. :) Oh, I'm sure I'll start up again one of these days, but for now it seems better to not pay too much attention to the scale.

There is a beautiful song that I've loved ever since I was pregnant with Josiah, "The Love that I Bear" by Michael Card. Some of the phrases from that have been running through my head repeatedly today; I think it's an appropriate soundtrack for this stage of pregnancy. Here are the words...

I sing of the life that I bear
I sing to the one who’s inside of me
Whose face is familiar
Though I’ve never seen
Whose life lies ahead
Like a wonderful dream.

I sing of the love that I bear
I sing to the Spirit indwelling me
Alive deep inside me
As surely, I know
As my baby is living and grows.

Passion and pain
Come together the same
As the flesh and the blood
Come by way of one love
Sing then to life
And of love come alive
So all that is darkness will die.

Alive deep inside me
As surely, I know
As my baby is living and grows.