You Know You're Tired When...

The effects of sleep deprivation, it seems, are catching up with me. I knew I was tired--that's par for the course in the first months after a baby is born--but I didn't realize just how tired I was until these things happened to me:

1. I realized today that when I get to heaven, for about the first 100 years or so, I'd just like to sleep. Say hello to God first, then head straight for a bed.

2. I was literally falling asleep, sitting up, reading aloud to Josiah and David.

3. While sitting there reading, I would "memorize" the sentence, then close my eyes while I said it, then open them again to see what the next sentence said, then close them again--trying to get a little bit of shut-eye--and that was a little bit!

4. My most fervent prayer of the day was, "God, please help Tobin to sleep longer so I can sleep, too." Forget about world peace--I'm praying for sleep these days!

5. When late morning rolled around, I found myself imagining how nice it would be to have someone in the house who could make me a sandwich--actually, any food that I didn't have to make would be nice; but in particular, I was longing for a sandwich like Jeff's mom makes, piled high with all the goodies. Of course, we didn't have any of those ingredients in the house, but I was still thinking how nice it would be to have that. Taking the effort to fix anything for myself just seemed like too much work. An apple cut in half, cored, with peanut butter in the middle? Too much work. A fried egg sandwich? Nope, don't have the energy. A Girl Scout Cookie? Sure, that's quick and easy. :)

6. Recently in the middle of the night, I couldn't remember what my baby's name was. David? No, that's not David. Evan? Um, that doesn't sound quite right, so it must not be that. Hmm, what is his name? Let me think...oh, yeah, it's Tobin. Hi, Tobin! (Jeff is sitting here watching me type this; and as he read what I wrote he asked if I was kidding or serious. I'm serious. This actually happened; I'm not making this up!)

7. The thought of getting all 3 boys ready to go to Josiah's choir class today was enough to drive me to tears. I called Jeff at the shop and asked if he had any appointments scheduled for the time of the choir class. He did, but being the best husband ever, was able to rearrange things so that he could come home early, get Josiah and David, then take them to choir and then out to eat, so I could sleep and have peaceful time here at home. What a huge help! I knew I was being so silly and that I really could manage to pull myself together to make it to choir; but I'm realizing that in my sleep-deprived state, I tend to reach a point of being weepy about anything. When that stage hits, I KNOW it's time to call in reinforcements and tuck myself in bed, no matter what else I could or should be doing.

The strange thing about all of this is that Tobin's schedule is not really that bad. After his late night feeding (10:30 or 11:00 pm), he almost always falls asleep quickly in his bed, then sleeps until 3:00 or 4:00 am, wakes up to eat, then again falls asleep quickly in his bed and sleeps until around 7:00 am usually. So I don't think I should be as tired as I was feeling today! But I guess the cumulative effect of lost sleep was hammering me; and since I can't go to bed early to catch up (because of Tobin's late feeding), I felt like I was falling further and further behind in the area of sleep.

However, I'm happy to say that after a one-hour nap this morning and a two-hour nap this afternoon, I'm feeling like a different person! I think I'll let Jeff give Tobin a bottle in the night tonight so I can get even more sleep.

One funny thing that happened during my nap this afternoon is that I was letting David sleep in my bed with me since that's the quickest way to get him to fall asleep; and before I drifted off to sleep, he said, "Are you going to buckle me?" No, our bed doesn't come equipped with seatbelts. :) But in the past, when he's been particularly rambunctious, we've discovered that if we drape an arm around him, he settles down much faster and goes to sleep. Apparently, he's equated that in his mind with a seatbelt!

The verse that has been coming to my head during these exhausting times is Philippians 4:19 which says, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." I know that God knows that I need sleep, so sometimes I comfort myself by thinking, "If Tobin wakes up early, obviously I must not need this sleep!" :)