Learning to Like It

I have vivid memories from childhood of sitting at the table, staring at a plate of particularly unappetizing food (like broccoli, spinach, mushrooms, asparagus, or--horrors!--fish), complaining to my parents that "I don't LIKE it," and being told in response, "You can learn to like it." I'm sure at the time I thought they were crazy and taking the "let's be Pollyanna" theme a little too far. What? Learn to like something? You either like it or you don't, right? You might learn how to smother your asparagus in enough catsup that you didn't taste it on the way down, or how to swallow a piece of mushroom in less than a millisecond, washed down by plenty of milk, to eliminate all suggestion in your mouth that you had actually eaten a piece of fungus. Those were things you learned--how to tolerate something--not how to like it.

Now as a 31 year-old mother of young children, I find myself realizing more and more how intelligent and wise my parents were as they raised us, and how, even in this area, they were right. Funny how that happens, isn't it? :) Although there are certainly foods that I still don't crave or ask for, there are many foods that I do indeed enjoy, even though I was certain as a child that I would NEVER like them. For example, mushrooms--my brother and sister-in-law make the best mushrooms, and I've even requested them in particular for family meals. Another example is that during our recent vacation, I actually wanted to eat seafood, and even went so far as to order seafood in a restaurant (that must be a first for me, since I was always the girl who ordered chicken at Fisherman's Wharf!). Maybe it's just the pregnancy-influenced weird cravings, I don't know. :) But for whatever reason, my food tastes have definitely changed!

Recently this message of "learning to like it" has been directed towards me in ways other than food-related. Here's how I've applied it. There are undeniably certain parts of parenting that I like...and certain parts that I don't. Jokes are made about things like the endless changing of diapers and how that can be an undesirable part of parenting, but really, that doesn't bother me so much. Two examples of things that I've realized recently do indeed bother me are 1. buckling and unbuckling of carseats and 2. the bedtime routine. Not that everything else about parenting is a piece of cake, but these two issues are simply things that, at this stage of life, drive me a little bit bonkers.

Now, for sure, the first thing on my list is a dumb thing about which to be bothered. But from conversations I've had with other parents, I know I'm not alone in saying that, when we have a day full of errands and various places to stop, having to help several children in and out of carseats at each place can leave me exhausted and--worse--annoyed. Silly thing to get feathers ruffled over, but I get so tired of it! We got Josiah a booster seat that we thought would be easier for him to do by himself; but as of now, he can unbuckle it by himself but not buckle it. It's one of those things that I think if I simply focused on it consistently with him, he'd probably pick it up quickly and it wouldn't be such an issue anymore. But I haven't done it...yet...so the carseat issue still wears me out.

The second one is a common one in other households, too, I realize. I don't know if the fatigue of this pregnancy makes this harder for me now or what; but recently the whole routine of changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, reading a story, singing a lullaby, praying together, giving hugs and kisses, anticipating their every need so that no unexpected requests pop up after I turn out the lights, dealing with the "needs" that inevitably pop up that I didn't plan for, changing David's diaper (since his body seems programmed to poop as soon as I tuck him in bed), getting them back in bed, etc.--that whole process feels overwhelming at times. When my energy and patience are at their lowest, I have to struggle to find the fuel to keep going for just a little longer before all is quiet in the boys' room.

I'm not trying to have a gripe session, and I realize these issues are not even worth complaining about AT ALL. However, my point is this: I've had to ask myself in the past few days and weeks, "Can you learn to like these aspects of parenting? Can you learn to embrace the fact that you have children who still need help with their carseats? Can you focus on the blessing that it is to have a minivan with carseats in it with real live boys who sit in them? When you see those carseats, can you rejoice in that, rather than grit your teeth and bear it? And with bedtime, can you learn to love all the aspects of settling your children down for the night? Can you enjoy the bedtime story? Can you appreciate all the minute details of the bedtime routine that for you are time-consuming and unimportant but that, for your children, provide peace and stability as they go off to sleep? Can you be patient with their last requests? Can you be as happy with their desire for "one more hug" at night as you would be if they spontaneously gave you a hug in the middle of the day? Can you learn to love all of this?"

The answer, of course, is yes. I can learn to love these things. When I consider the alternatives--from mere toleration to outright irritation--I really want to learn to like it--and learn it quickly! In reality, I'm not always successful yet; but I can sense my attitude slowly shifting, and that's refreshing--and brings hope for the future.