Monday, May 19, 2008

A Weighty Issue

The time has come.

When this year started, I didn't have many resolutions for the new year. In fact, basically all I was focusing on was the upcoming birth of Tobin. I did know, however, that I wanted to lose weight. :) And since he was born 12 days after the start of 2008, it wasn't difficult for that resolution to come true!

But now...sigh... Now it's time to really pay attention to what I eat and what I do so that I can lose weight--more weight. My weight dropped pretty quickly after his birth (obviously, VERY quickly immediately after his birth), but since then it has actually bounced back up. Up! Not the direction I want it to go. I really would have liked for it to keep melting away with no effort on my part. Ha! Dream on, girlie.

Since I've come to grips with the fact that it's not going to happen that way, I've decided to take some small steps to help that stubborn ole weight depart in peace. Or depart kicking and screaming. Either way is fine with me, as long as it LEAVES. :)

I had been mentally debating about whether or not to actually reveal my weight on this blog, as well as how much I want to lose. I tend to be pretty open about most things, so writing my weight publicly didn't bother me at all...but I know some women would never do that and I thought maybe something was wrong with me that I was so willing to disclose it. :) But then, while we were in Norfolk last week, I happened to see a segment on one of those morning shows (that I never watch at home because we don't have a TV); and it was about a woman who wanted to lose some weight, how she did it, how much she lost, etc. She told her weight openly to the whole world, and I thought, "If she can do it, so can I!" Plus, I know a little accountability is good for the goal of losing weight, so here's my perfect opportunity, right?

When I got pregnant with Tobin, I weighed 140 pounds. I was 157 pounds when I weighed this morning. So, simple math: 17 pounds to go. I'll probably mention on this blog about once a week what my weight is doing, and hopefully we'll see some movement in the right direction!

I'm not taking any drastic measures to lose weight though. I know that dieting too early can diminish milk supply, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. But little by little, baby step by baby step, I'll start working on bringing it down.

My plan for this week is to simply eliminate the eating I do after 7:00 p.m. (or so). Since I'm a night person by nature, I have a bad habit of relaxing after the boys are in bed with food of some sort; and everybody knows that's a no-no as far as weight management. So, no more!

Weight issues and body image issues are funny for me. I dislike intensely the way our culture promotes seriously unhealthy, skinny women as models; and I do NOT want to fall into the thinking behind that--that you've got to be a size 2 to be beautiful. Nothing could be further from the truth. I want to be happy in my own skin, grateful for the body God's given me (even these hips which obviously are made for child-bearing) :), and realistic about the toll that pregnancy and childbirth has taken on my body. On the one hand, I feel content with who I am.

On the other hand, I know that if I gain even a few pounds a year, that adds up; and the end result can be fairly significant health problems that could be lessened or eliminated by losing weight. I'd rather fight the weight battle at age 32 than keep gaining weight and have to fight it more intensely 10 years from now.

But it seems like a balancing act to keep a healthy perspective about it all, and I don't know how good of a tightrope walker I am.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had with one of the midwives who saw me throughout this last pregnancy. This particular situation actually happened when I saw her after my miscarriage. As she was moving around the small examining room, she bumped into a nurse-in-training who was there to observe. When she apologized, she said something like, "When I was 20, I thought my body was actually much bigger than it really was. But now I imagine that I'm smaller than I really am, and I keep forgetting how big I am!" So true, at least for me! When I look back at myself in previous years, I remember moments of anguish about my weight then; and I tell myself, "What were you worried about? You looked fine!" And now, things have changed. Sometimes I see myself in a mirror at an unexpected angle or I see myself in a photograph, and I think, "Woah. I had no idea there is so much of me!" :)

So...here's to less of me...but a healthy smaller me--still content, still grateful for the changes that motherhood has brought to my body, not obsessing about every ounce of weight. This issue is just part of my life, not the most important thing.

I do, however, believe that my open confession here and the subsequent follow-up will keep me from walking upstairs right now and having cookies and milk as a bedtime snack! ;)

7 comments:

Bek said...

u are too cute davene.
i think your perspective is healthy.
i'm not too weird about revealing my weight either - only if its gonna make someone else insecure.
anyway, kudos to you and your
"this week" idea. i think its a great idea to take it a week at a time. i have recently (maybe in the past 6 weeks) re-started something i used to do. a monday fast. i just do liquids and/or fruits/veggies (or whatever the Holy Spirit leads - i usually get some protein in there now that i'm nursing) on mondays - just to restart the week. give it all to Him again. all my eating. all my focus. etc.

i like "fresh week" starts -i'm excited for you - i think its a great way to go. or for the fat to go. :)

blessings on the venture.

bek

Christin said...

Honestly the first thing I thought was "That's ALL she weighs?! Wow, that's NOTHING!" *wink*

But I completely understand about wanting to be healthier and more in control of the bad eating habits the years have brought. Oh, do I understand that!

I love your perspective on it. NOT obsessive. Not delusional. Just based in reality of getting healthier and going from there.

I just know the next few months will bring changes. How could they not with an attitude like that?

xo

Unknown said...

Sensible girl! I'm in pretty much the same spot as you at the moment, and I know how it really does affect my self esteem. And because I have type 1 diabetes, any extra weight causes havoc with sugars. I'm seeing my endocrinologist and dietician this week, and hopefully that will help. I must say, however, that I'm a comfort eater. Last Feb, when my sister died, I just ate and ate and ate anything I wanted. I guess I was depressed, and I also wanted to make myself happy. Then it all just became a habit, and even if I wasn't enjoying the food I ate it. Funny thing, food. It's so psychological and social. Anyhow, I'm there with you! Let's both try hard. (I need to increase my exercise, too.)

Julie said...

Wow! You ARE brave. My issues are too "weighty" to reveal to the blogworld now and probably after I have the baby, too. I would be too obsessive about it. (Which is why I can have a scale out during pregnancy, but Steve hides it away afterwards.) But kudos to you! And you are right about the breastfeeding. My body usually hangs on to a bit extra until I'm completely finished. But don't forget about exercising/toning. That can do a lot of shifting for you, even if the numbers aren't coming down the way..or as fast as... you would like. Cheering you on!!!!

Misty said...

Perhaps I'll join you! My body is a little ..ummm.. softer than I would like it!..lol .You have inspired me but I don't know if I'm brave enough to blog about it..we'll see!! i know last summer I didn't like wearing wearing a bathing suit because I was pregnant but in that stage of just kino of looking chubby - at least I had an excuse then This summer scares me a little more! lol
Great for you having a good perspective on the weightloss and trying not to let the world make you unsatified with the body God gave you but instead just keeing the one He gave you healthy!

Anonymous said...

You are very wise. If God wanted us all to fit into one size or shape he would've created us that way. It's always nice to hear a woman celebrate her body for what it was created for, childbearing!

Here's to you and your success!!

Sally said...

I feel better about my state of post-partum weight and bulge and sag. Time to exercise seems nil, and dieting seems like a bad idea with breastfeeding, so small changes in food choices and living with the body I have are where I am at this time.

I know what you mean about thinking you are smaller than you are, until you look at some old photos or walk past a mirror. I told Andrew we had bad mirrors in our house, but I didn't think getting new ones would help!

Persevere! (Keeping the off-limits food out of site might help keep it out of mind.)