A Weighty Issue

The time has come.

When this year started, I didn't have many resolutions for the new year. In fact, basically all I was focusing on was the upcoming birth of Tobin. I did know, however, that I wanted to lose weight. :) And since he was born 12 days after the start of 2008, it wasn't difficult for that resolution to come true!

But now...sigh... Now it's time to really pay attention to what I eat and what I do so that I can lose weight--more weight. My weight dropped pretty quickly after his birth (obviously, VERY quickly immediately after his birth), but since then it has actually bounced back up. Up! Not the direction I want it to go. I really would have liked for it to keep melting away with no effort on my part. Ha! Dream on, girlie.

Since I've come to grips with the fact that it's not going to happen that way, I've decided to take some small steps to help that stubborn ole weight depart in peace. Or depart kicking and screaming. Either way is fine with me, as long as it LEAVES. :)

I had been mentally debating about whether or not to actually reveal my weight on this blog, as well as how much I want to lose. I tend to be pretty open about most things, so writing my weight publicly didn't bother me at all...but I know some women would never do that and I thought maybe something was wrong with me that I was so willing to disclose it. :) But then, while we were in Norfolk last week, I happened to see a segment on one of those morning shows (that I never watch at home because we don't have a TV); and it was about a woman who wanted to lose some weight, how she did it, how much she lost, etc. She told her weight openly to the whole world, and I thought, "If she can do it, so can I!" Plus, I know a little accountability is good for the goal of losing weight, so here's my perfect opportunity, right?

When I got pregnant with Tobin, I weighed 140 pounds. I was 157 pounds when I weighed this morning. So, simple math: 17 pounds to go. I'll probably mention on this blog about once a week what my weight is doing, and hopefully we'll see some movement in the right direction!

I'm not taking any drastic measures to lose weight though. I know that dieting too early can diminish milk supply, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. But little by little, baby step by baby step, I'll start working on bringing it down.

My plan for this week is to simply eliminate the eating I do after 7:00 p.m. (or so). Since I'm a night person by nature, I have a bad habit of relaxing after the boys are in bed with food of some sort; and everybody knows that's a no-no as far as weight management. So, no more!

Weight issues and body image issues are funny for me. I dislike intensely the way our culture promotes seriously unhealthy, skinny women as models; and I do NOT want to fall into the thinking behind that--that you've got to be a size 2 to be beautiful. Nothing could be further from the truth. I want to be happy in my own skin, grateful for the body God's given me (even these hips which obviously are made for child-bearing) :), and realistic about the toll that pregnancy and childbirth has taken on my body. On the one hand, I feel content with who I am.

On the other hand, I know that if I gain even a few pounds a year, that adds up; and the end result can be fairly significant health problems that could be lessened or eliminated by losing weight. I'd rather fight the weight battle at age 32 than keep gaining weight and have to fight it more intensely 10 years from now.

But it seems like a balancing act to keep a healthy perspective about it all, and I don't know how good of a tightrope walker I am.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had with one of the midwives who saw me throughout this last pregnancy. This particular situation actually happened when I saw her after my miscarriage. As she was moving around the small examining room, she bumped into a nurse-in-training who was there to observe. When she apologized, she said something like, "When I was 20, I thought my body was actually much bigger than it really was. But now I imagine that I'm smaller than I really am, and I keep forgetting how big I am!" So true, at least for me! When I look back at myself in previous years, I remember moments of anguish about my weight then; and I tell myself, "What were you worried about? You looked fine!" And now, things have changed. Sometimes I see myself in a mirror at an unexpected angle or I see myself in a photograph, and I think, "Woah. I had no idea there is so much of me!" :)

So...here's to less of me...but a healthy smaller me--still content, still grateful for the changes that motherhood has brought to my body, not obsessing about every ounce of weight. This issue is just part of my life, not the most important thing.

I do, however, believe that my open confession here and the subsequent follow-up will keep me from walking upstairs right now and having cookies and milk as a bedtime snack! ;)