Due Date

Today was my due date.

When I found out I was pregnant, I joyfully, eagerly calculated my due date--July 28, 2007.

After the miscarriage, I remember thinking that this day would be a hard day for me, especially if I wasn't pregnant by this point in time. Now that this day is here, I discover that it's not such a hard day after all--and the thing that makes all the difference, besides God's grace (which obviously is the source of ALL victory in this area), is the little 4-inch baby living inside me.

I can't help but think that if not for the miscarriage, I wouldn't be carrying this baby now. And then I wonder, does God ever transfer souls? With these two pregnancies, were there really two different, individual souls involved? Or is it possible that God, seeing that the microscopic little body forming in my womb could not sustain life, took the soul from the miscarriage and decided instead to wait and plant it in me this time? I don't know, and I'm sure that I'll never know until I get to heaven and ask God myself.

But here's what I do know: this day, which might have been filled to overflowing with sorrow and grief, now simply brushes my heart with a moment of sad remembrance, then lets the sunshine of this pregnancy shine through again. And I am so very grateful for that gift.