Was it really me that wrote only a few weeks ago about how I selfishly love this stage of life so much when my baby and I are connected closer than we'll ever be again and how I don't want this to end? And was it me that wrote even more recently than that about how I want to grasp time and slow it down? I guess it must have been me, but all I can say now is that something has changed and I have turned a corner. Now, I am more than eager for this baby to be born--not because pregnancy is so uncomfortable (because, fortunately, it still is progressing fairly easily and smoothly...oh, a few aches and pains*...but nothing major)--but because I can hardly contain my excitement about actually meeting our new little son face to face and KNOWING him in a brand new way! This week is really the first time that this particular eager anticipation has gripped me, but it is a strong emotion now...which might be good or might not, since I still have two months to go until his expected arrival!With a due date of January 16 and a history of my first son being born one day early and my second son being born 12 days early, I find myself strongly suspecting that this little guy will be born in the first part of January. Jeff is rooting hard for December 31, since he figures if Peter got a break on his taxes, so should we! But who knows? There are no guarantees that we won't go past our due date which, I've heard, is a peculiar form of torture--physical and mental--for heavily pregnant women; and I'm not at all eager to learn about that firsthand!
As far as names go... :) Once again, Jeff has changed his preference and is leaning towards a name that I actually prefer, too (though either of these latest two considerations is fine with me). David proudly announces that he likes the new name, too, probably because he can actually pronounce it. As for Josiah--when Jeff leans toward the other name, Josiah prefers the new name...but when Jeff says he likes the new name better, Josiah wants the old name. No wonder I sometimes call him Mr. Opposite! Anyway, once again, I think we are closer to a decision which is very exciting for me...but we'll see...time will tell.
* Aches and pains:
~ heartburn has reared its fiery head again, but fortunately it's nothing that a couple of Tums can't control
~ difficulty sleeping--not difficulty falling asleep because I do that fairly rapidly, but difficulty staying asleep...it's hard to get a good night's sleep because I wake up not only to go to the bathroom numerous times during the night, but also because every time I turn over, I wake up...I consciously resist the urge to groan as I heave myself to my other side since I did a lot of that during my pregnancy with David and Jeff teased me mercilessly about that :)...but the process of turning over and getting resettled with my preggo pillow (which I adore and will be sad when I no longer have an excuse to use it!) definitely causes a significant sleep interruption
~ more-extreme-than-normal emotions--I dealt with this earlier in this pregnancy, but it seems to have returned...several times this week, I was so weepy--and knew I had no good reason to be...Jeff has been very loving and patient with me, and that is a huge help...I can't imagine what it would be like to be a husband to a pregnant woman; we're not the easiest things to love, I'm sure!
~ an example of an emotional moment: at our church this morning, several babies were dedicated; and it was a beautiful ceremony...one of the unique aspects of it was that the ladies' sewing group of the church makes a handmade baby blanket/quilt for each of the children being dedicated--so special!...anyway, as I watched the babies and the families in the front of the church, I was understandably a bit sentimental, thinking about how our turn was coming and how wonderful it will be to stand there with our little son...but then--we started singing the hymn "Children of the Heavenly Father"; and when we got to the phrase, "Though he giveth or he taketh," my tears flowed and I could hardly stop them...the reason? my miscarriage...my heart grieved for that lost opportunity to have and hold a precious child...hey, I thought I was over that!...but this morning, I obviously wasn't...sigh...being this emotional is tiring! :)
3 comments:
I do so dread another pregnancy -- as an insulin-dependent diabetic it was tough -- but your description of meeting a new little person makes me yearn. I will have to be brave before too long and try again.
Yep. The time has come for OUR girls to bring their trik in door again. Oh the hours of fun! :)
I understand the miscarriage moments that come out of left field and bring a flood of tears. My experience is that those feelings don't go away, but just become less and less painful.
Knowing that our little Raegan wouldn't be here had we not lost Asher helps. Though there are times (often) when I look at my three and feel so incomplete b/c three more aren't with us.
Whether we got to hold them with our arms or just in our hearts, we are still their moms. and we will ALWAYS love them (and maybe shed a tear or two at random times in our lives). Don't feel like you have to get over that. I think it's near impossible. :)
You look great! Baby will be here before you know it. i remember being pregnant with Sarah and Jackson over the holidays... the time went by SOOO fast. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New years... then birth of baby! Ours is just over 2 weeks old. He is a joy to have and we are really having fun with him. Thinking of you!
Sharon
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