Week 32

Thanksgiving Day--and I felt so grateful. Even though I felt like an overstuffed bear BEFORE I ate any dinner, I still was so thankful as I considered what was going on last year on Thanksgiving.

A year ago, I was actually pregnant on Thanksgiving, although the pregnancy test I did that morning was negative. I had wanted to be able to share the news with my family over Thanksgiving dinner, if I was indeed pregnant; but my body didn't cooperate and give me a positive pregnancy test until I dared to test again a few days later. I should have known then that something might be wrong, since normally my hormones bounce up immediately and the pregnancy tests always show up positive. But I didn't suspect anything, and blissfully enjoyed the next few weeks of that pregnancy...until I realized the truth--that I was having a miscarriage.

This period of time last year was so intense: pregnancy, miscarriage, robbery, my dad's health, church stuff. When I stop to think about it, a load of emotions surface. But how sweet it is to be on this side of that tumultuous time and be able to relax and rejoice in the way things have changed--for the better--during the past year.

One thing I'm grateful for is the way Jeff helps me to put things about this pregnancy into perspective. I must have a very short memory when it comes to some of this stuff, because I'll ask him, "Did I feel this huge in my other pregnancies?" fully expecting the answer to be "no." He'll pause, then say, "Umm, yes." I'll ask him, "Was I this emotional in those pregnancies?" Again, the pause, then the honest answer: "yes." Anything I ask--"was I this tired? this uncomfortable? this ready to have the baby? this whatever?"--the answer is always "yes!" I guess as a new mother, not only did I forget the pain of labor like the Bible promises, but I also forgot some of the pain of pregnancy. That must be a good thing since it keeps us mamas having babies! But it does amuse me how much clearer Jeff's memory is than mine. :)

During this week, I've developed a weird "twitching" spot in the vision of my right eye. As I look out through that eye, slightly to the right of where I'm focusing, there is an area that constantly quivers and shakes. I ignored it for a few days, thinking that it would probably go away; but by last night, I was beginning to be concerned about the possibility of preeclampsia, since I know that vision disturbances are one of the symptoms of that condition. This morning I had decided that I finally needed to call my midwives and see what their advice was; but before I did that, I called my favorite doctor to ask what he thought, and he told me I could come down to his office and he would check it out for me. So up the hill traipsed my mom to stay with the boys while I headed to my dad's office. One check-up later, I was given the all-clear and told that I had nothing to worry about! Whew! For the millionth time, I thanked God that Dad is a doctor. :)

Even though I have become very eager the past few weeks for our new baby to make his appearance, I did realize tonight, as I was wrestling (figuratively, of course) my other two sons into bed, that life won't exactly be easier after the baby is born. No matter how uncomfortable I feel, it still is much simpler to have this baby inside me than outside...so I'll continue to appreciate each day of this pregnancy and not wish it away, knowing that time slips away quickly enough, and it doesn't need me to hurry it along!