Men & Women

One thing that experience has taught me is that men and women are different. Boys and girls are different. They're just different. We're just different. It's that simple.

I realize this is no profound discovery; but in one specific area, this truth helped the light bulb come on in my head this morning.

Here are some questions I have pondered in the past:

~ Why does a messy house (messy room, messy desk, etc.) put me in a bad mood, but seem to have no effect on Jeff?

~ When we first moved here, why did Jeff worry so much about finding a job and push himself so hard to find one as quickly as possible, rather than thinking (like I did), "Hey, we're living in my parents' house; there's plenty of food here; we still have money in the bank account. Life is good. Let's relax and celebrate!"

~ From the earliest days of our marriage, how could Jeff possibly have suggested that I leave the dirty dishes on the counter after a meal and, instead of washing them promptly, come and cuddle on the couch with him?

~ Why does Jeff strive so hard to "get ahead" financially? Why is he always planning, dreaming, "scheming" new ways to make money? Isn't he content with our income and lifestyle which, although certainly not extravagant, is more than sufficient for our needs and many of our wants?

~ Why, on his days off, do I get so excited about all the projects we can accomplish, until I realize that's the last thing in the world he would like to do on a day off?

~ When redecorating, why do I come up with all these wonderful (in my opinion) ideas of things to buy and do, but then feel like I have to tiptoe on eggshells to present my ideas to Jeff who always sees things through the glasses of dollar signs?

~ Is it really true that it doesn't bother him if I'm behind on laundry or cleaning, or is he just saying that to be nice? Is it one of those secret things that actually eats at him; and when he's 85 years old, he'll be complaining, "She never could keep the house clean!"

Simple answer: we're different. But more in depth, here's what I realized this morning.

There is something in me, a God-given trait, that loves to create beauty and bring order to things--to my home, the flowerbeds, picture files on the computer, our schedule, and everything else imaginable. (This was actually a bit of a revelation to me because I've never considered myself a "creative" person; but even though I'm not "crafty," I do love, without a doubt, to do things to bring about beauty and order.) There is something in Jeff, a God-given trait, that loves to work and provide for his family.

That "something" in me is uncomfortable (read, grumpy) without beauty and order, but is calmed by tackling a project to restore beauty and order. That "something" in him is uncomfortable (read, grumpy) without a source of income and financial security, but is calmed by finding an unexpected source of extra money or by having a clear budget and plan for achieving financial goals.

When that something in me and that something in Jeff is working together in harmony, what joy! What peace! What success we can have in life! But too often, I find the something in me fighting against the something in Jeff, putting down his God-given traits as being somehow less worthy than my own. I find myself critical of what I perceive as his constant worry over our finances; and it's all too easy to think, "My goodness, what is he worried about? Doesn't he realize we're doing fine? We're paying all our bills, we're lowering our debt each month (college debt and purchase of the business debt). He's such a good provider; I've never worried about finances. Doesn't he know it's wrong to worry? Sure, we're not millionaires, but it's obvious that money doesn't make people happy. When will he ever relax about this? And by the way, when is he ever going to help me clean out the garage?" (I had to put that last one in there because cleaning out the garage is such a joke around here. Suffice it to say that the former occupants didn't exactly clean it out before they moved, and I'm sure there are some quite interesting "vintage" items in the garage. To say the least, it's an overwhelming job!) :)

As I was thinking about all of this earlier today, I realized that God made us different for very good reasons (of course!). If I wasn't slightly uncomfortable with huge piles of laundry and unmade beds, those jobs might rarely get done around here. If I didn't love to dream about what to hang on the walls in the boys' room, their walls might be bare for the next 10 years. So rather than berating myself because I have this innate need to mulch my magnolia trees or spend time and money to order prints of pictures and put them in an album, I can rejoice that God made me this way.

In the same way, when Jeff starts talking about finances again or expresses envy for others' more prosperous financial positions, I can rejoice that God made him that way. After all, if the finances were completely in my court, I might be depending on dear ole Dad every month to bail me out; and we might not have any savings account at all. And the stock market--well, I'm sure I wouldn't have anything invested in that!

So here's to a fresh start in the love and respect arena! I resolve to appreciate Jeff more and embrace our God-ordained differences, rather than at times wishing I was more like him or he was more like me. As I understand him and myself more, I can be more grateful for the way our minds work and can see more clearly how to work together to be a success as a couple and as leaders of a home and family.