The Story, Part Three

This is the part where I stop saying "GREAT..." So Bek, Crystal, and Julie (my pregnant readers), if you need to read an easy birth story today, this might not be a good one for you. But the bad pain only lasted about 30 minutes. Is that encouraging? :)

The next position I tried was sitting on a birthing ball, leaning against the bed. At this point, things started getting intense--finally. Until this point, my contractions had been coming pretty far apart still; and even though I enjoyed that, I realized that things needed to escalate a bit in intensity before I would really be able to deliver Tobin. I remember praying that God would even give me more "pain?" or more intensity or more whatever-I-needed so I could finish the job...but I also prayed that His will would be done and that He would guide the timing of it all, because I really was enjoying the break between contractions and the ease of it all. :)

Apparently God thought it was time to turn up the heat; and at this point while I was on the birthing ball, I reached that familiar-to-me phase of craziness from the contractions. I think the midwife and nurses had left the room to give us some time alone...Jeff was rubbing my back with apple-scented lotion...I think my mom was fanning me. And I was thinking--and occasionally, saying--things like...

~ Can I please have some pain medicine now? (Too late for that...)

~ I'd like to pause everything and just have a break. Is that OK with everyone? (Not really...)

~ Maybe if I got back in the tub, this pain would go away. Or maybe I could kneel on the bed again; that was really relaxing. (Don't think it would help...)

~ In any case, I'm just not really ready to do this now, OK? (Sorry, honey, the only way through it is THROUGH it...)

Oh, another thing that was happening during this stage was that I kept yawning, and Jeff commented on it. I really did feel tired and ready for a nap, but I also realized that I was yawning from nervousness. I did the same thing before our wedding--and before my senior recital in college--and when I mentioned this after Jeff noticed my yawns, my mother said that she does the same thing, too, when she's nervous.

The details are a little fuzzy in my head now; but at some point, the midwife and nurses returned, and I asked to try the birthing stool. I was convinced that being in that upright position would help me with the pushing, and it truly did. Jeff sat on the edge of the bed...I was on the birthing stool in front of him, facing away from him...and Barbara was sitting on a low stool on the floor in front of me. I can't imagine that it was a very comfortable position for her, especially when I curled my body around so far that I was practically head-butting her; but of course, she didn't utter a word of complaint. She was AMAZING at having helpful suggestions, but letting me guide this birth experience. I think my mother was standing up to my right, probably still fanning me; but I think she also rubbed my head and hair sometimes. Somebody did, anyway. :) I even remember specifically asking for someone to do that, because that extra touch helped distract me from the pain.

By this point, I was in "the zone"--eyes closed, completely focused internally, hearing voices as from a distance (but definitely being grateful for the encouraging comments that were being made), making laughable comments like: Can you suction him out?...Can you cut me now to get him out faster? (And when Barbara replied that it was too early for that, I thought, "Early??? Haven't we been doing this for hours and hours already?" I had absolutely no concept of time by that point, and I remember feeling bad because I was taking so long to birth this baby and holding up everyone's schedule!) I think one time I even said, "I can't..." or "I don't...", but then I consciously stopped myself because I was trying hard to stay positive about the process. :)

I do remember feeling though that I wished I could be anywhere but there, and I just DID NOT WANT to go through this!!!

Because I was so crazy at this point, I could not even tell when I was having a contraction because the feelings were so strong all the time. At certain times, when I tried to push, I knew I "lost" it because the pain had been so great that I had stopped pushing. But other times, I could definitely feel myself making progress...and that was so encouraging.

I'm being totally honest here, so if this is too much for you, feel free to skip this paragraph. :) When I sat on the birthing stool, I had a hospital gown on...but it kept getting in the way, so Barbara suggested I just take it completely off. So I got to experience a "primitive" birth as far as what I was wearing, so to speak. :) The other silly thing is that I said at one point, "I just feel like I need to poop." And they said, "That's the BABY!" In my head, I thought, "Ahhhh, so that's what it is!" For some reason, I had been feeling like I was going to have to poop, and THEN push the baby out. It seemed easier when I realized that the baby was what I was feeling. :)

Barbara suggested, at one point, that I reach down and touch Tobin's head, which I did, and was shocked by how soft it was. I think somebody commented on how much hair he had. It seemed like FOREVER that I was pushing him out...and Jeff had to practically hold me on the stool sometimes because I just wanted to get off it to get away from the pain! In reality, it was about 15 minutes of pushing (so, so, SO much better than the 2 and 1/2 hours of pushing I had with Josiah, and the 1 and 1/2 hours I had with David), and then...

HE WAS BORN!!! I can't even write that without crying...

I finally managed to open my eyes--and realized I was chanting, "Thank You, God, Thank You, God" over and over--and I noticed that Barbara was quickly clamping his cord, then cutting it, then passing him off to the nurse who took him to the warmer and gave him oxygen (I think that's what was going on). Apparently, the cord had been wrapped, not around his neck, but around his chest--maybe diagonally? There's a technical term for the position it was in, but I wasn't familiar with it and can't remember it now. I guess during the birth, the cord had gotten squeezed so Tobin wasn't very pink at birth and he didn't cry at first; in fact, his Apgar score at 1 minute was only a 4. I remember waiting for what seemed like an eternity to hear him cry; what a sweet, sweet sound when he did! The nurses got him going, he "pinked up" (their terminology) right away, and by 5 minutes, his Apgar was 9.

Meanwhile, I managed to crawl up into the bed, where Barbara delivered the placenta. She took the time to show it to Mother and I and explained a few things about it while she was examining it. She remarked about how big both the cord and the placenta were, and then came the announcement from the nurse about how much Tobin weighed: 8 lbs, 14 oz! I was so surprised! I think the midwife said something right after he was born about what a big boy he was, but I didn't really pay attention or believe her until they told me his weight. Josiah (born at 39 weeks, 6 days) was 7 lbs, 14 oz...and David (born at 38 weeks, 2 days) was 6 lbs, 10 oz...but I really had not thought much about Tobin's weight and did not expect to have an almost-9 pound baby! No wonder I felt huge. :)

My one concern about using the birthing stool had been that several people told me that tears were more likely to occur in that position, so I was eager to hear my condition when Barbara examined me after the birth. I was so happy when she reported that there was only one tiny tear which didn't even need a stitch--unless I particularly wanted to have one (I didn't!). The nurse entered it into my medical record as a "skid mark"--their term for tears that aren't big enough to sew up. With Josiah's birth, I had torn, then had an episiotomy, then tore some more, so had to have stitches, of course...with David, I tore some, and again had some stitches...I was glad this time around to be able to avoid all of that.

One surprise shortly after delivery was that the nurse came at me with a syringe, clearly intending to give me a shot in my leg. I did manage to ask her what it was before she plunged it in. It was Pitocin, given to help my uterus contract. As if I needed help in that department! Wow, those contractions AFTER birth were powerful. I was told that with each successive birth, they get stronger and stronger since the uterus has to work that much harder to return to its original shape. Even this whole week, I've had to deal with some fairly strong contractions when I nurse Tobin, which I know is perfectly normal, but undoubtedly uncomfortable. By today, however, they seem to be less frequent and less intense.

After I got cleaned up and Tobin got thoroughly examined and swaddled, he was brought to me. I always envy Jeff a little because he gets to go over and get the very first glimpses of our babies as he watches all the procedures the nurses do. But when that little blanketed bundle was brought to me and I held Tobin in my arms for the first time...well...there's just nothing like that feeling... Tears again...happy, happy tears...