Parenting Dilemmas

Parenting is a funny thing. Just as soon as I think I've got it figured out and life with my sons is sailing smoothly along, one or both of them up and change on me!...and along come new challenges. I constantly think, "Well, back to square one!" By nature, I like to have a strategy; I like to be prepared; I like knowing that if Josiah does a, I do b...and if David does x, I do y. But how do you have a strategy when the rules of the game keep changing every day?!

Here are some recent dilemmas I've been mulling over in my mind...
1. When we're playing a game/running a race, etc., when do I let my child win and when do I go ahead and win? There are very few competitions right now that I couldn't win against Josiah (Candyland being an exception). So, do I win all the time? That leads to him being discouraged and having a crushed spirit, but is that just the way it is until he really can beat me at things? Or do I let him win? I don't know...
2. What do I do with all his stuff? It seems like every day brings new "stuff" to deal with--a picture he colored, a craft from story time at the library, etc. 99 out of 100 times, after I put one of his papers away, Josiah never asks for it again. So until recently, I simply laid his things aside, gave him some time to forget about it (just to make sure he wouldn't ask where that item was), then threw it away! Of course, I do keep some of his "treasures," and I often take a picture of some of the other items that are special but not worth saving. But I still felt a little bothered by my system of dealing with his stuff. It seemed a little deceitful, and I would prefer to have him involved in the decision-making process. But everything that I asked him about, he said he wanted to keep! (He gets it from me...as a child, I was a terrible pack rat. If anyone was getting rid of anything, my famous reply was always, "I'll take it!") Anyway, with this dilemma, my wise friend Cindy suggested a solution. Have a place (a storage box...or in Josiah's case, I use a dresser drawer in his room) where he can put his things; then when that space is full, he will go through his things and decide at that point what to throw away. I've just started using this method, and so far I'm pleased...but we haven't gotten to the point when the drawer is full and he has to throw some things away. We'll see what happens when that time comes! :)
3. When they are learning new skills (dressing themselves comes to mind), how much do I help them? And how much do I let them struggle to learn? It's funny to me--yet it makes perfect sense--that in many areas, Josiah will insist on doing something himself...and if I do it (i.e. opening the blinds), he'll literally want me to close them again so that he can open them. This occurs in areas that are easy and fun for him. But in other areas where I would love for him to achieve more independence, he always wants me to help him. I know one of my roles as a mother is to serve my children; and I also know one love language is acts of service...so obviously, it's important to serve my boys, and I do serve them in countless ways throughout the day. But on the other hand, one of my roles as a mother is a teacher and trainer--a preparer who equips children to handle life on their own. I think it's a balancing act to keep these two roles in proper perspective. I often fall off the tightrope and land on my head, bringing pain to myself and my boys as I struggle to deal with this dilemma.
4. How do I handle Josiah's frequent complaint, "I don't like..."? He could say that about putting on shoes, using toothpaste, feeding fish, eating oranges, walking on wet grass, and any number of other things. He has memorized Philippians 2:14, "Do everything without complaining or arguing"; and I definitely feel the importance of helping him to develop a grateful, non-complaining spirit. But I also don't want to make him stuff his feelings or feel unable to express a genuine opinion about something; after all, there are plenty of things I really don't like, too! It seems important to let him express feelings but in appropriate ways. I haven't figured out how to do that yet!

I definitely feel like parenting is the hardest job in the world--but also the very best! I just wish I knew what I was doing a little more often!!! :)