Thoughts on Prayer

I've started reading a new book, Prayer by Philip Yancey. I've had the book for a while and have been longing to read it; but my desire to be self-disciplined held me back and made me finish reading one book before beginning another! Like many other people, I find it easier to begin books than to finish them...and my stack of half-read books can get very high unless I keep myself in check. :)

So far, I've only read the first chapter in the Yancey book; but already I feel inspired and am excited about what I will learn through reading this. As Yancey points out very early in the book, prayer is something that the majority of Christians say is extremely important...yet consistently, the very same people admit that it is frustrating to them, and they don't feel they do a great job with prayer. I would definitely fall into that category!

Here's my biggest hang-up when it comes to prayer...and I'm being real here, not trying to pretend that I've got it all figured out so people will think I'm super-spiritual. Without a doubt, I feel like prayer is such an important avenue for expressing gratitude to God. We simply cannot say thank you enough to Him for all His gifts to us, protection, blessing, love, forgiveness, and on and on and on. So I don't have a problem with that aspect of prayer, and I love to express my gratitude to Him in that way. I think it's the easiest, most natural form of prayer; and it's both easy and natural to help Josiah learn to pray in this way.

The second part of prayer that I feel like I understand and put into practice well (although not as consistently or thoroughly as I would like) is pouring out my heart to God and letting Him know what I'm thinking, feeling, struggling with, doubting, rejoicing in, etc. I believe that He already knows all my thoughts (and in fact, knows my mind and heart much deeper than I do!); but for the sake of my relationship with Him (as a friend to another friend, a daughter to her father, or a woman to her husband), I am convinced that it's extremely valuable for me to express myself to Him in this way anyway. As I read somewhere (in a Dobson book, I think), there's no relationship in eavesdropping...and even if God already knows what I'm going to say, it still bonds us more tightly if I do say it. I can see this clearly with my children...most of the time, I have some clue as to what's going on in their heads (although admittedly, there are times when I have no idea and would love to be like God and be able to read their minds!). But even if Josiah is bothered by something and I know what it is, I still like for him to express it verbally to me. And even though I know that my children love me, I still delight in hearing Josiah's simple statement: "Mommy, I love you!" And I long for the day when David can say the same. So this aspect of prayer makes sense to me, and I have no problem with it.

Here is what I do not understand...and consequently, what I do have a problem with. How exactly do my prayers affect things? I realize that no one can understand exactly how it all works, so maybe I'm expecting too much...and maybe I just need to obey and pray even when I don't understand it. But I just don't get it. Is there some special power in my prayers so that if I open my mouth and say some words (out loud or in my head), it actually affects the powers that be? Does it change God? Does it change His actions, His thoughts, His plans, His intervention in the world? Does it change the devil and His actions, thoughts, plans, intervention? If it does change God, why does it? If it does, why did He design it this way that His "power source" would be our prayers? That doesn't make sense though, because I believe that He is omnipotent. Do we change His level of love and concern for a person or situation--suddenly bump something up to a higher priority for Him by bombarding Him with prayers about it? That doesn't make sense either.

Here's an example that bothers me... When I pray for someone's salvation, how does that affect things? Does it simply keep it in my mind so I am more likely to put forth the effort to witness effectively to them? I don't think so because that sounds entirely humanistic and me-focused. Does it actually soften their heart? Does it make God more likely to soften their heart--or arrange circumstances that will draw them to Him? If so, why does He rely on my prayers? After all, He longs for that person's salvation even more than I do because He loves that person so much more than I do. So wouldn't He be working as hard as He could anyway--before I ever prayed about it?

And what about this whole idea of opposite prayers? For example, the farmer prays for rain on Saturday for his crops; the baseball team prays for no rain so their game isn't cancelled. More significantly, during the Civil War, there were many men of faith on both sides of that conflict. There were fervent prayer meetings among the Yankee troops, and equally fervent prayer meetings among the Confederates. Who does God listen to? The biggest group? The group that prays the longest, hardest, loudest? (Obviously not...the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel should make this clear.) But then, how does God decide how and who to answer? Does He just do what He knew all along was best? If so, why do we pray? If God's simply going to do the best thing, it seems like we would be wasting our breath to even pray that God would change certain situations.

Brother Andrew, who wrote God's Smuggler which I read earlier this year, wrote another book called And God Changed His Mind which deals with these types of questions. I am eager to read it, as well as the Yancey book (but I'll be a good girl and finish one before I start the next!). :)

I remember when I went through a "faith crisis" in college. I think everyone who grows up in a "Christian" home has to go through one of these before their faith is their own, although the crisis does not have to be long or extremely painful (and does not have to involve rebellion and behavior which will reap terrible consequences later). In any case, I remember being so happy to find answers to my questions as I doubted my faith. I really wanted to believe, and I am forever grateful to several individuals who were not shaken by my doubts but were ready and eager and capable of addressing my thoughts and helping me find a firm foundation for my faith again.

I feel like I'm at that point again, in this matter of prayer. I want to believe that when I pray, it shakes the heavens and makes a difference! I know there are answers out there. I believe my questions will be answered satisfactorily and my doubts will be erased. Instead of being distressed about this, I'm actually excited about the opportunity to learn and dig deep and discover answers! So I'm off to read another chapter in the Yancey book...and most importantly, I'm off to pray...