To Clarify

I've just returned from a riding lesson (postponed from Wednesday because of rain), and I'm staggering around the house like a drunkard. My legs feel like jello, and I KNOW I'm going to be sore tomorrow. So before I fall down, I thought I'd better sit down! I learned to trot today--woohoo!--and I didn't even fall off the horse. I'm thrilled about that! :)

It's been really interesting to read people's responses to my last post (both in the comments section and emailed directly to me), and I deeply appreciate the thoughtfulness and concern behind each comment. I think the danger in opening myself up through this blog is that I'll constantly feel like I need to explain again if people don't understand, or justify myself if people don't agree, etc. Once I open myself a little, I'll have to open myself A LOT, it seems. But I don't necessarily want to go down the path of discussing until everyone agrees with me or until everyone sees things from my point of view, because, well, that's never going to happen anyway! And everyone is entitled to their opinion.

With that said, I do feel the need to speak a little further about the incident on Wednesday. I think the critical ingredient that I was missing was balance. (This seems to be a key in so many of the things I write about in this blog.) The balance between the first glance of "uh oh, beware of these guys" and the longer look of "oh, they just need help." The balance between "I've got to protect myself and my children at all costs" and "I need to be willing to risk, in order to show Christ-like compassion." (Living in Israel was definitely not the protective route, yet I am sure it was God's will for us.) Even the balance between submitting to my husband's wishes and, on the other hand, feeling the Spirit speak to me in my husband's absence.

As I examine my heart, I do not feel like, in general, I have racist attitudes. Some of my very dearest, life-long, heart-level friends are of different races than I. And even recently, I was lamenting to Jeff about how "white" our circle of friends is here. I cherish diversity...I love immigrants...I appreciate immensely how "colorful" the Huffman family is...it's very important to me that our children grow up with respect and admiration for different cultures, languages, races, etc.

But in the split second decision of looking at someone and judging them simply on appearance, that's where I feel like I failed on Wednesday. What else is there to use to judge someone in the blink of an eye? I guess deep down I just long for God's heart and God's eyes as I view people so that I can have discretion and wisdom based on that and not my flawed human perspective.

I still don't feel good about what I did on Wednesday. I feel like God gave me time to evaluate the situation and listen for His voice, and my choice to ignore that is what really bothers me. But thank God for His grace and mercy and forgiveness...for His provision of someone else to help the men in need...for the lesson He's teaching me about reaching out beyond my comfort zone to serve others...and for His protection over all of us.

As I continue to meditate on all of this, I am especially grateful for the verses Chris mentioned: I Corinthians 4:5-7...and also something that my sister-in-law wrote to me: God, after all, is God; and if you are not available, he has a tremendous resource and will meet His will and the needs of others regardless. While this is not an excuse for inaction, God's will does proceed.